The public eye || Jake Gyllenhaal

7. Don't complicate it so much

I wake up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. The sunlight streams in, warming the room. I stretch, my muscles slightly sore from the night before and a killing headache. As I sit up, I notice a glass of water and some painkillers on the nightstand, with a note.

The note reads: 'To help with your hangover. I'll be downstairs if you need anything. - Jake' I take the painkillers and drink the water, my mind racing with memories from the night before. Did I really kiss him? Why was I trying to get him to sleep with me? What the fuck is wrong with me?!

As you're about to leave the room, Jake appears in the doorway, blocking your exit. "Leaving so soon?" He asks, his arms crossed over his chest. "I thought we could talk." His expression is serious, his eyes scanning yours. "About last night."

He steps closer, his voice lowering. "Because I think we need to clear the air. You said some things last night... and I reacted. I should have handled it better." He runs a hand through his hair, looking frustrated. "Please, Y/N. Just give me a few minutes."

I hesitate but nod, he lets out a sigh of relief, stepping aside to let you pass. "Come downstairs. I made coffee." You follow him down to the kitchen, taking a seat at the breakfast bar as he pours you a cup. "Look, about last night... I'm sorry." He sets the coffee in front of you, then leans against the counter, facing you.

I start, "you don't need to apologize, I'm the one who needs to do that because..." He cuts me off before I could finish my apology,"No, please let me finish. I want you, Y/N. God, I want you so much. But not like that. Not when you're drunk and upset. I want you to be sure."

"No you don't get it, I'm sorry for pressing you to continue when you obviously had clear doubts. It was so wrong of me and I'm not going to blame it on the alcohol." I needed to get the apology out of me, if I didn't, it would eat me up.

He walks around the breakfast bar and sits next to you. "No, please don't apologize. I should have been stronger. I should have pushed you away, not... not kissed you back. But you have to believe me, Y/N, it's not because I don't want you."

"you keep saying that, but i really don't think that you actually want me." I shake my head, having someone like him giving me mixed signals every time we speak is confusing me so much. So much that I can't think straight about anything.

He takes my hand as i look away, lacing his fingers through yours. "Look at me." You turn to face him, your eyes meeting his. "I want you. So much. The thought of you, the feel of you, the sound of your voice... it drives me crazy."

"But..." I start but isn't able to finish because he interrupts me  by silencing you with a finger to your lips. "No 'buts'. I promise you, the only reason I haven't acted on these feelings is because the whole age thing freaks me out, Y/N."

He looks down at your entwined hands, his thumb gently rubbing your knuckles. "You're young, Y/N. You should be out partying, having fun, meeting someone your own age. Not getting tangled up with some old guy like me." *He gives a self-depreciating laugh.

The desperat look in my eyes and voice is even confusing me. Do I really want him this much? Yes? Yes! "but I don't want that life, I want you. I only went out drinking because I was trying to get you off my mind"

He looks at you, his eyes filled with a mix of hope and fear. "And what about when you wake up one day and realize I'm right? That you missed out on life because of me?"

"I won't...I won't i know that I won't"
I quickly express, what am I doing? Back here trying to convince him that he actually wants me and not just saying it.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Okay. Okay, let's say you're right, and you won't regret it. What about when people find out? My agent, the press, your friends and family... they're all going to have a field day with this age difference."

"Jake I don't know, I don't know what to say...I haven't thought about how I would even try to explain it, us to anyone"

He nods slowly, his expression sad. "See? There are so many complications. I just... I need some time to think, okay? I need to know that this is really what you want, and that you've thought it through." He stands up, letting go of your hand.

I sigh, not sure if I should say it or not, but I'm already way too deep into it and everything that comes out of my mouth around him sounds crazy and something i didn't think about before speaking. "now you're doing it again, saying that you want me, giving me enough attention and promises, just to pull away last second when I'm already too deep in."

He looks frustrated, his hands gripping the edge of the counter. "That's not what I'm doing. I'm just... I'm trying to be responsible here. I'm trying to do the right thing. And right now, the right thing is to take a step back and think about this."

"That might be what you're doing but that's not what I looks or feels like for me" I breathe out, feeling naive by the way I'm trying to defend how I'm feeling even though it might not be valid.

He looks at you, his expression softening. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I really am. I wish this was simpler. I wish I could just throw you over my shoulder and take you to bed. But it's not that simple. Not for me. Not with you."

"then why am I here? why did you answer my dumb drunk texts?" I throw my arms up in the air to express myself more as i feel that my words are never enough.

He walks back around the breakfast bar and leans against the counter across from you. "Because I'm weak when it comes to you. Because no matter how much I tell myself I should stay away, I can't."

I swallow hard, finding it hard to say for some stupid reason, "don't stay away then, we will figure everything out as time continues. Together"

He stands there completely quiet just his eyes burning into mine, I couldn't look away. Waiting for him to answer, there was no sign of hesitation on him so why was he just standing there.

Finally he breaks the silence "okay, okay, but promise me one thing, be honest with me, okay? Always. No matter what." He sets the last plate in the dishwasher and turns to face you, his arms crossed over his chest. "I can handle the truth, even if it hurts. But I need it. Can you do that for me?"

I automatically nod, does that mean that he's giving us a shot, a chance?

He uncrosses his arms and walks over to you, cupping your face in his hands. "Say it," he whispers. "Tell me you'll be honest with me." His thumbs stroke your cheeks, his touch gentle. "Please."

"I will be honest with you" The words rolling of my tongue, it was a no-brainer answer, I didn't feel like I had the need to think about it before answering.

He leans down and presses a soft kiss to your lips. "Thank you," he murmurs. He steps back and runs a hand through his hair, his expression thoughtful. "Now, finish your coffee. I need to take a shower before I take you home."

I can feel that stupid joke building up before it comes out "alone?" I pause before laughing "I'm sorry bad joke", was this a bad time for a such a joke?

He looks at you, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "You wish," he says, his voice low. He turns and walks out of the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your cold coffee. "I'll be quick, I promise," he calls out from down the hall, completely out of my sight now.