The World According to Susie

Ch 4: New Girl vs Susie (Round 1)

The moment my guts exploded onto the bar floor, the bouncer—who'd been watching the whole thing like it was the Super Bowl—swoops in.

"Sorry, whatever's going on with you, but you gotta go."

"Why?!" I whine, as he hoists my limp body and starts dragging me toward the door. I can feel the tears brewing—half embarrassment, half rage.

He pauses, shoving the door open with his hip. "You threw up everywhere. Can't have you doing it again."

Before I can argue, he gently shoves me outside. I trip on some loose gravel, misstep, and land right on my butt. The door slams shut behind me with the finality of a judge's gavel.

From my undignified spot on the ground, I can see the bar's patio. I crawl, then break into a weird tip-toe run, sneaking to the other side where I hope no one will notice. Gripping the fence like a ninja with zero skills, I peer in.

There they are: Celestine and Rina, laughing and oblivious to the chaos I've just unleashed. Rina's arm is draped around Celestine. Oh great, now's really not the time to overthink that.

"RINA!" I shout, waving my arms like a stranded shipwreck victim. People turn to stare. I give them a confused look back like I'm the normal one here. Rina finally notices and detaches herself from Celestine.

"Rinaaaa!" I whine, attempting to throw what feels like half an arm around her for some post-trauma comfort. "Whoa, whoa, what's wrong?" she says, brushing my hair out of my face like a concerned mother who's about to find out her kid failed the easiest test.

"Georgia has a girlfriend... I threw up... everywhere... and then got kicked out," I blurt between sobs, my dignity now a puddle on the sidewalk. Rina just says, "Oh." I can see her brain desperately trying to come up with some wisdom that isn't "Well, that sucks." Instead, she turns and waves Celestine over like she's calling in backup.

"You want some of my Blue Hawaiian?" she offers, tilting the straw so it dangles over the fence like a peace offering. Desperate for comfort—and booze—I stretch up on my tiptoes and slurp down the whole thing. "Thanks, bae."

Rina looks mildly offended but, let's be real, after the night I've had, she knows better than to argue. She tosses her now-empty cup in the trash like a true friend.

"Susie, why are you there and not here?" Celestine's confused, like I'm on the other side of the fence as part of some grand plan. Rina quickly fills her in. Celestine nods like a detective piecing it all together. "Yeah, we saw Georgia leave with a group of girls, probably meeting up with Henry John's squad."

I sigh dramatically, like I'm auditioning for a soap opera. "It's over. Georgia will never be mine." Cue the tears. Rina and Celestine exchange a look like, "Well, what now?" I can't go back inside—I've been exiled from the kingdom.

"Just jump the fence," Rina says, like this is the most obvious solution. "We'll hide out on the patio. Celestine can grab us a pitcher or something. Easy."

Rina, usually unserious and goofy, is now my ride-or-die mastermind. "Okay... give me a hand?" I ask, suddenly filled with the courage to vault a fence like it's an extreme sport.

With Celestine, who's basically a human crane at 5'8 and strong as hell, they both hoist me up and over. "Thanks, Celestine," I say, giving her my best puppy-dog, post-cry face.

We find a spot to chill while Celestine heads inside to secure a group drink, because that's just what we do—patio, drinks, and hitting the silly little weed pen. Rina hands me hers, and I inhale like I'm at a yoga retreat for the emotionally unstable.

"Forget her," Rina says, dead serious. "You barely knew her. Plus, now you can meet someone better than some random white girl."

I'm a little offended, since Celestine is literally a white girl and Rina's in some kind of denial, but I let it slide. "You're right." I shrug, and suddenly sit up as I see Celestine struggling through the crowd, balancing a blue fishbowl of something alcoholic like a champion.

This night might just be saved after all.

"Heyyyy!" Celestine sings, instantly boosting the vibe. "Forget whatever Susie's disaster was and let's drink... whatever *this* is. You guys get first chugging rights though—I'm driving." She plops down the glowing blue fishbowl of mystery alcohol.

We grab straws and sip in perfect unison. It's strong—like, "forget-your-own-name" strong—but exactly what we need. With every gulp, I feel lighter. Maybe Georgia wasn't my soulmate after all. Maybe this fishbowl is.

Just as I'm starting to enjoy my buzz, I hear her laugh. Georgia. Of course she's still here with her shiny girlfriend. The universe really enjoys irony. I slink lower in my chair, trying to hide from Georgia, her girlfriend, and even Henry John.

Rina freezes mid-sip, her eyes darting around. "Uh-oh, brace yourself. One of them is coming."

I immediately lock my eyes on the floor, praying it will swallow me whole. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll disappear.

Then her voice cuts through the air like nails on a chalkboard. "Oh, wow. They let you back in?" The words drip with venom, and I already know who it is before I even look up.

Draped in a silk pink dress like she's attending a royal coronation, her heels covered in fluffy pom-poms as if she's mocking the rest of us, and eyeliner so sharp it looks like she could slice you open with a blink. She zeroes in on me, like I'm some bug she's been waiting to squash.

"You." She practically spits it out, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at me like I'm some kind of criminal.

I feel my insides twist. "Uh, can I help you?" I manage to squeak out, hoping to defuse the situation.

She cocks her head and gives me this sickeningly sweet smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Oh, honey, don't flatter yourself. Trust me, no one needs help from you." She glances at her nails, like I'm not even worth her time. "Let me make something crystal clear: Georgianna? Yeah, she's my girlfriend. Like she'd ever look twice at someone like you."

"I wasn't—"

"Please." She rolls her eyes dramatically, leaning in with a smirk that could melt ice. "The way you said 'your ranch water'? Pathetic. You're crushing on her, aren't you? How tragic." She steps even closer, her voice dropping to a low, mocking whisper. "Sorry, babe. You're not even in the same universe."

Before I even realize what I'm doing, my body moves. I'm on my feet, grabbing her hair. "How DARE you?!" My voice shakes with pure rage.

"Psycho!" she screeches, grabbing my braids and yanking so hard I feel like my scalp is on fire. The next second, I'm crashing to the ground.

"BITCH!" Rina is suddenly flying at Vivienne, knocking her off balance and right into a group of stunned bystanders. "Get your hands OFF my best friend!" she roars, flipping her hair like she's about to take center stage at WrestleMania.

Within seconds, security is all over us, dragging Rina and me out like we're criminals. Vivienne, still clutching her hair, follows casually behind, sipping her drink like nothing even happened.

"Didn't we already kick you out?" one of the bouncers groans, annoyed.

I glance back, barely listening. All I see is Georgianna rushing over to scoop up Vivienne like some fragile doll, with Henry John barking, "Vivienne, are you okay?"

As we're dragged out into the night, I whisper under my breath, "See you again, Vivienne. Next time? It's war."