"I'm Not Crazy"

XXXII.

"What did he do?" Riley asked me. "What made him bad?"

We'd walked in silence for several minutes. Bryn had looked stunned watching us walk out through the front door. Basil had barely looked up from the second cup of tea they were steeping. Bryn was now holding the first one. When Riley had tried to meet Basil's eye, Basil had looked away, and I had to deduce that maybe there had been conflict between the two of them. They'd maybe had difficult conversations.

Normally, Riley and I would walk close to eachother. Sometimes he had an arm over my shoulder. Less often, he held my hand in a somewhat joking manner. This time, we walked side by side in silence. The air between us felt expansive.

"I'm not going to tell you," I stated calmly. "I shouldn't have to."

"You shot him," he said, as if reminding me... as if I would forget again.

He was staring straight ahead. It seemed he was working hard not to look at me. I wondered how often he was now plagued by The Thing's sightless eyes. I was too focused to see The Thing at the moment. It was missing in action, and so maybe it really had clung itself to Riley instead.

"Tell me about the Everlark Studios list," I retorted.

I heard him suck in a little gasp. I chose not to look at him when his wide brown eyes undoubtably shot towards my face. In my head, I imagined the photograph I'd seen of him online. He was only six or seven years old in it. His hair was more blonde back then, even though it grew in dark now. The image of his gentle eyes and his soft baby skin face made me feel almost guilty for saying it.

"You tell me yours, and I will give you all the details of mine," I added almost haughtily anyways. After a pause, I said, "You're not entitled to the details, Riley. I don't need your approval."

I could practically hear him sweating. Even though he wasn't touching me, I could feel the tension, and when I looked back his way I noted he was pale. I felt guilty again.

"Right," he agreed, almost shakily.

"It was hypocritical of you to walk away," I stated out loud. I said it decidedly. "I mean, you weren't forthcoming about yourself either, were you? You even lied to me about your name so that I wouldn't be able to look you up. How could you expect so much more from me?"

"So you looked me up?" He asked, which felt like a deflection of sorts.

"I did," I admitted. "You weren't speaking to me. I didn't know that I was still bound to that promise."

"Were they any good?" He asked me.

"What?" I asked, glancing back his way. He'd finally resigned to look at me, although his expression had become unreadable. I looked away as if I were a child about to be caught in something. I could only feign bravery for so long; short bursts and clever words.

"The movies?" He said, smoothly. "Or the show? You watched them, right? Was there anything good? Was I any good at acting?"

"I mean I watched the movie, and it was okay... I guess," I said uncertainly. He was definitely derailing me.

It wasn't actually a good movie, in my opinion, but I thought Riley knew that. It was cheesy and cheap, and relied on shock value. My eyes had been wide and glued to it the entire time. I thought it portrayed college quite a bit like that party I had accidentally been to. Riley wasn't even old enough to be playing the character he was playing. His cheeks were still rosy and childlike. It was odd anyways, to see him act. He came off as a completely different person. His voice was harder. His eyes were more intense. Maybe that was good acting, but I didn't know enough to say. I didn't know how he was before.