"𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮." | Kylo Ren x Y/N |

9

The days seemed endless. 

Sleep, training, eat, repeat. 

That's all it was. You knew you weren't sleeping a full cycle of hours so the days mixed into one another. You missed your friends. Han, Finn, Poe, Leia. Where were they now? Hopefully safe...

You had finished training with Ren and now resting in your 'room'. You put a cold rag on your raw hands and sighed, seeking the comfort of your thoughts. 

The door suddenly opened and you jumped slightly. Ren stepped inside, the door shut behind him. His tall figure seemed to take up the whole room, and his mask was as sinister as ever. 

"I'm going to show you something today. Something you probably won't believe." His voice was smooth and cool, thrumming through the room. 

"Everything you show me is lies." You countered. Why would he show you anything? You couldn't trust him...

Ren let out a quiet huff and took off his helmet. He set it down on the table in the room, your eyes followed it. He reached out a hand to where you sat on  the bed. You, reluctantly, took his gloved hand and he pulled you up to your feet. 

"I was once..." He paused, conflict visible in his dark gaze, "I was training to be a Jedi, with Luke Skywalker as my master."

Your heart stopped and eyes went wide, Luke?? Like the Luke the first order was trying to kill???

"But-" You tried to speak but he pressed a gloved finger to your lips, silencing you. 

"I was exposed to Snoke, his ideas. I never believed anything he had told me, whispered in my ear." Ren continued, "Then Luke, tried to kill me."

"Liar."

"It's the truth. The Jedi lie and manipulate just as the Sith. I see no difference."

"You are no Sith."

"Perhaps. But I have chosen my path, the right one, as you will see." He held your hand, "I am going to show you that day. You'll see the truth. In my mind. You know its real."

Ren let go of your hand and slipped his glove off of his fingers. He reached out his palm and you placed yours on top. Was he lying? Time to find out...

He laced his warm, large, fingers with yours and took your other hand, pressing it against his cheek. It was an oddly...intimate feeling, and you didn't know how to react. The space between your bodies was already lessening, and now this...the feeling of his hand on yours. His cheek on your palm. It was...confusing...but you couldn't let your mind wander. 

Suddenly you were swept through his mind. Conflict...rage...it was a mess of a soul...
Then you were brought into...what looked like a tent. With Ren sleeping...then Luke....

He came into the tent...and lit his saber. 

No...this cant be real...

Ren woke and ignited his own saber, pushing it against Lukes.

"Ben no!" Luke shouted, and then Kylo brought the tent down on them...

Ben...? His name....was Ben...

Luke...tried to kill him...he made him...what he is..?

You were  pulled from the memory and back to reality. You gasped, stumbling back, a bit 'off' from whatever just happened which you couldn't fully understand. 

"This isn't..." You looked up at him, seeing nothing but...honesty in his eyes, "This isn't a trick?"

"No." He said, "I'd never lie to you. Believe that."

You held his gaze with your own for a moment and sighed, looking away. 

"I-It doesn't justify the things you've done..." You stammered, stepping forward. 

"No. It doesnt. But you needed to see."

What did this mean? Your mind was in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Was he right? Was there no real difference between them and the dark side? Was Leia...wrong???

You didnt know what to feel...not anymore.

"I told you..." He stepped closer, his voice softening. "Its the truth..."

Your eyes met his and silence fell between the two of you. And...something else.

"Your powerful...a strong fighter..." He spoke, his voice deep, "You know why I want you."

He stepped closer, his body only inches away, and his face leaning close to yours. Your eyes were locked in a silent conversation. And you saw something...different. Not the terrifying killer Kylo Ren...but a shadow...of who he was before. Ben. 

"Your name is Ben..?" You broke the thick tension between the two of you, your eyes flicking away from his and them back. 

You saw his shoulders tense slightly at the mention of his name, "Was."

"You can't just change who you are. You can try but you cant rid yourself of it completely."

He stared silently, his gaze like ice. 

"I'm not saying what Luke did was right. It wasn't...." You looked back up at him, taking in his sharp nose and sad eyes, "It doesn't change the monster you are now..." You whispered. 

Kylo's eyes remained on yours for a few minutes. His eyes flashing with something before he spoke. 

"Do you think that's all I am? A monster." He spoke deeply, his voice echoing across the room. 

"Its what you pretend to be."