Leave the Space

Chapter 17

The neighborhood market revealed hints of spring. Local art showing snippets of bright colors, fresh produce shifting seasons, and the day even krept up into the mid 60s.

It was a subtle change of seasons over the last 6 weeks. Work was going well with the sweater project being my biggest success so far. Everyone here in Nice was doing well. I was able to return to more of my normal routine the busier Charles got with work. Usually there was time to see him once every one to two weeks, which we enjoyed, but he was constantly in Italy or Bahrain apparently doing testing and gearing up for the new season. Our little time together was intentional. It consisted of a hiking day, a private dinner at a very swanky restaurant, and a two hour drive to the most beautiful picnic spot in Imperia, Italy. While we continued to grow closer and even more comfortable, both of us each avoided the chance to go over to one of our respective apartments. Charles being unbelievably patient in terms of the physical aspect of our new forming relationship.

I unzipped my coat plopping down at an outdoor table in a quiet part of the deck. Alice joining as Danielle brought us tea.

"Merci," I hummed as Danielle placed the warm drink in front of me. The warmth of the cup radiating into my hands. "What did everyone get," I asked.

Flowers, pastries, dough, a pottery piece, and candles all listed off until Alice asked what I got.

"A hand crafted frame. It was beautiful," I shared out.

Danielle and Alice looked at each other then to me. While my apartment was comfortable, they were always quick to point out I had no personal pictures. "Are you going to put a picture up," Alice asked curiously.

"Maybe if the mood strikes me," I smiled. "Or maybe I'll just put it on my bedside table empty."

"That's very bohemian of you," Danielle teased.

I hushed her and tossed my napkin her way.

"That's it?" Alice asked curiously.

"That's all. I'll need you to teach me to bake with all those fresh ingredients you got soon."

"I can do that," Alice replied happily. "I can also give you some of the fresh bread for later this week."

My response thrilled knowing Alice's baking was a true treat.

"Soooo," Danielle sighed out. "What were you doing the other day when you were busy," she said nonchalantly.

"Ugh, thanks for asking. I had the best day trip to a little town in Italy just two hours away. We all should go sometime for a girls trip," I responded cheekily.

"So just you, yourself, all alone driving to Italy. Are you running away from us?"

I glared at Alice. "To stop your questioning I was with Charles," I replied answering the question I knew they were building to.

Alice grinned deviously. "Now you can't just subtly drop that info and not explain."

"Well what would you like to know?"

"How is he?" Alice said simply.

"He's very sweet. We are keeping things very casual, but it has been the best time," I shared.

Alice clanked her nails on the table. "And how is he," Alice restated but with a promiscuous tone.

"Alice, stop," Danielle scolded which was the last thing I was expecting.

Alice obviously too. Danielle immediately received a scoff from her. "Don't act all bashful, you of all people Danielle. It's what the friends want to know."

"There's nothing to know," I said cutting into their comments before they could get any further. I looked over to Danielle who was biting her lip.

"You mean," Alice spoke but left open her point by extending the final sound out.

I shook my head. "Have I slept with Charles? The answers no. I can't even kiss him anymore. The thought of Avery is actually haunting me."

"Who is Avery," Alice asked curiously.

Danielle looked nervous. "Only if you want to tell us," she said.

I cut in immediately, the information begging to be released after practically a year. The words slipping out to my unexpecting friends, but it wasn't staying down. Not at this moment. "He's my fiancé," I whispered out.

"Back in America," Alice said shocked. Her eyebrows knitted together.

"Yes. But," I sighed. "He was my fiancé. He's ummm," the word got caught. I had only used it one other time on the day it happened. Since then, I haven't verbalized it into existence. "He died," I whispered in disbelief still. "And the world is a worse place because of it." My eyes swelled with water but only a few tears threatened to fall. I could pat them away before they were in danger or rolling down my face.

"Our conversation in Italy. I knew there was something but I couldn't imagine this. Palmer, I'm so sorry," Alice said reaching out and grabbing my hand.

Next to her Danielle wiped away her own tears. "You've been carrying that the entire time?"

I nodded. "I still love him so much. He's the reason I'm here. I just feel like I'm betraying him. Whenever I let him slip my mind for just a moment, the pit in my stomach grows when I realize it."

"What do you mean he's the reason you're here?"

I sniffled trying to hold back the tears. Fortunately there was a wall of plants separating us from the street and no one was sitting near our table. "We were going to honeymoon here. It was only a couple months before our wedding and trip. Take 3 weeks to see as much as we could. He knew how much I wanted to go to France. The last thing he told me was to go, that he would meet me there whatever it would look like," I whispered finally having tears roll down my cheek.

Danielle and Alice reached their hands over. I let them each grab one. "Oh my goodness Palmer. We both knew it was something serious, but it not to this scale," Danielle said sadly.

All I could do was shrug my shoulders.

"Is there anything we do can do to help," Alice asked. "You shouldn't have to carry this alone."

"Well I have you two." I smiled sadly looking at my friends. Both of their eyes glistening with tears now too. "That's doing more than you know."

Danielle sniffled while Alice used her free hand to dab her eyes. "I promise we are here whenever you need us," Alice replied.

"Whenever," Danielle reiterated.

I squeezed their hands letting out a deep breath. "Thank you," I whispered. "There seems to be more I'm willing to share everyday. But that's all I can manage today. Avery is so worth sharing."