WHAT IF?

13.

ETHAN

SHIT! 

Who told her about it?

I place my fork down and look at her, leaning away from the table. I mull over her question, why would she want to know about it sunddenly. A few minutes pass by when I finally say, "It is not what you think or what your friends told you. You still are too young to go to that. And if it satisfies your eagerness, then yes, there is a membership required to come in for the fest. Only the group members have the access."

I lie. That is all I can do at the moment. She is not ready to join even the party. She is so innocent, so pure. I won't let a deranged thing like that ruin her. 

"But -" she continues, but I cut her off.

"We did not come here to discuss college here. This is about us knowing each other better, right?" I say her gently, not to look desperate to leave the fest for now.

Her face muscles relax and her shoulders drop, showing she sees my urgent tone behind my appeal.

She huffs out, "Right, us."

My face contorted at her remark, "Hey, that is a deranged thing you want to know about. It's only been a semester since you joined, give yourself a break. Enjoy yourself. The assignments teachers assign in the first year is massive, you know that! Many can't finish it throughout the vacation. Hell, I couldn't! I had to to extra credit work under Mr. Emberstone while I completed my assignments as punishment. Besides, who knows, in your senior year, you'd be the one to organize it?" I smirk, shrugging my shoulders. I have to divert this conversation to something else before she decides to walk off from here.

And yes, Mr, Emberstone was one of my professors in my first year, but he left two months after the fest. They said he couldn't handle the death of his beloved daughter who died in the very same college he taught. It became a haunted place for him. He often said he saw her or heard her voice and that was becoming too much for him to bare.

If you ask me, I believe he is overreacting to it. Death of daughter is not a small thing, don't get me wrong, but you won't become completely schizophrenic and start having auditory and visual hallucinations. That is complete absurd. Besides, quitting your THE MOST prestigious job, that is something no one does, not mater what. But he seemed like a loving, caring and a kind person, typical father type. So, maybe, this would have been overwhelming for him, I don't know. I never had anything like that. I had -

Nothing. Nothing that matters now, at least.

God, I have to get a hold on myself. I am zoning out so much than ever before. It feels like I am losing control over myself, something I cannot - WILL NOT let happen. I have to return to my apartment as soon as I am free from here.

We order a dessert and enjoy it to ourselves only, since this became a total flop show, thanks to that wonderful conversation. None of us is even trying to change the subject and make up for it. We both are evidently too tired to even bother about it.

We reach to my car. I open Mia's door and help her get in. I jog and get in the car and swiftly strap in the belt while she does the same. A few minutes into the drive pass by when she decides to finally break the awfully awkward silence.

"I can't thank you enough for today. I really enjoyed myself. I mean, there was no way you won't when you go to the best restaurant for a date." She chuckles slightly and shakes her head, then looks outside her window.

I look at her soft expression as a smile spreads on my face. I look forward on the road and say, "I enjoyed the evening too. Actually, I loved spending time with you," I pause, sighing a long breath, "And I apologize if I was a jerk back then. You simply asked a question and I should have been more sincere about it."

She immediately turns her head towards me and shakes it vigorously sideways, "Oh no, it's fine. I get it. You were just genuinely worried about me. I guess you were right, maybe I am still new and would require time to settle in here, among others. I was curious, that's all. I hoped you would tell me, because, well, you are my senior, but I was wrong." She ends her sentence in a sigh too, her palms rubbing her thighs lightly.

What is it with her and the fest? Six months in and she is already on a suicide mission, just like her friend. Except, her reasons are still unknown, whereas Mia, would get herself killed. I am way too curious to find a link between her and the event but something is missing. All the three girls are friends, they have known each other for years, the elder one is studying psychology, the father is a professor but left the place soon and joined a high school, Nyssa killed herself.

What am I missing? There is only one thing that connects everything, and that is, the fest.

But how? The fest is held in the forest behind the college, Nyssa was found in her room, drowned in the tub and pills all over the floor, clearly indicating she first overdosed on them and then stepped in the tub as a fail safe. No blood was found anywhere. Even if, by any chance, someone murdered her and faked the scene, none of it would have happened far from her room. That won't make any sense, killing her at one place, dragging her to another, dumping her body in a tub, manipulating the scene. That is a lot of hardwork. No one bothers doing that on a killing spree. Besides, this would be such a sloppy way of covering up the tracks. Who would be dumb enough to kill somebody in a place filled with students with constant danger of being caught? Anyone could have seen the person anytime. Chidren roam around the campus all night during the fest. Killing her in her room could not have been an option since the rooms are way too small for relaying a murder plan flawlessly. Atleast there should have been some mess, breaking of furniture, throwing of things, belongings lying all around the room, anything! As far as the struggle signs and asphyxia goes, she could have been dealing with clinical depression and could have tried to suffocate herself, but failed. Human body is built to survive, not kill. And her body was found bloated, soaked with water, indicating she was in the tub for a much longer time before anyone could have noticed.

My thoughts run at such a speed that I forgot to breathe. I don't know for how long had I held by breath. I inhale deepy as I snap back to the reality. We reach infront of Mia's dorm and I again open the door for her. She gets out of the car and smiles at me sweetly. I can't help myself but reciprocate the same. It came naturally to me, I didn't even have to think about it.

Strange, but feels nice.

She starts to move when I block her way with my arm, resting on the door frame, and my body.

"Will I get a chance to see you again, princess?"

She scoffs, "You have to stop calling me that."

I frown, "Why? Not much of a Disney fan?"

She sighs, "No. You?"

"Me neither. I guess we do think the same way."

Her eyebrows knit in confusion, "Do you seriously sit down and have time to remember each and every conversation you have with girls?"

Is she taunting me?

I have a better idea.

I take a small step towards her, closing in the distance between us slightly and say in a soft but deep tone, my eyes locking with her beautiful ones.

"You wouldn't want to know what all I can do for you."

Her breath hitches as her eyes keep looking into mine. A minute passes by and I step in closer to her when she hesitates and finally breaks her eye contact. I smirk in response.

She is good. But way too fictional for me to have in a life like mine.

Fuck, I don't imagine someone so pure and delicate even in my dreams. How will I resist myself from getting her? Breaking her?