Darius Bowman Oneshots

'I'm coping.'

...

It's cold out here. He has on his regular yellow fitted jacket, but it doesn't seem to make a difference, it's freezing still. And he wants to head back to the comfort of his small cabin.

The wind whips pass them and Darius gets the urge to look next to him. At Ben. Ben in a t-shirt, even if it's chilly, hair flowing softly against his ears down to his neck. Ben who leans his arms on the concrete border of his college, where Brooklyn once was. He looks away when Ben looks back at him.

"Hey," his voice is as soft as when they were driving in his rickety van, with trees swishing past and the radio rumbling low with the engine, on the way to his campus, "remember what we came to do?"

He's sticking out his hand now, and Darius looks from it to blue eyes that shine with the blinking stars above, smile soft and encouraging, but Darius' heart still skips a beat. And it's not because of what they planned to do. Which took some deep convincing from Ben's side for Darius to actually, yet reluctantly, comply.

He sighs, laughing nervously as he takes the hand that used to be way smaller within his. It's warm. It's welcoming, it's familiar.

His heart's racing for what they're about to do.

Next thing he knows, there atop the ledge that Ben was leaning over mere seconds ago. He's frozen rather. It's narrow and long and his feet feel like jelly.

His heart's pounding, his eyes are distracted on the stars above, and he's pretty sure his palms are sweating. "Darius,"

But he can't look. He doesn't want to. He fears the smallest movement will tilt them over. He fears the wind might blow too hard and push them off, he fears his shaky balance will just sike on him, he's afraid, he wants to get down, it's too high- too high- too high...

"Darius!" That gets his attention. He's looking into soft yet firm blue eyes. It's hard to look away now.

This is like a start of a horror movie. Both his hands are pressed into Ben's and they're standing between a very deep fall or a drop to get a couple of bruises. Either way, it's terrifying. But he trust's Ben. He knows that. They both do.

"Just breathe with me, okay?" They both take deep breaths, in... out.

But it's hard to not notice the lights and moving traffic below them. That's why the stars were better to look at from above, along with the darkening clouds. For a distraction, really, than their looming death far below. But Ben's holding his gaze and his heart has calmed a little.

So he shoots a shot. "I think I'm ready." He's unsure, and shaking slightly, but he wants to try for both him and Ben.

You've got to try and fail somewhere right? You just have to start. His father would say something like that.

Ben's drawing his brows together. Concerned, seeing if he really meant it. That's just what he likes about Ben. He's always there to confirm if any of them were okay. Endearing really. Yeah, he finds it endearing.

He simply nods.

Then takes a step forward. Though small and he nearly felt he was going downward but it's a start. Then Ben takes one backward, then he goes again.

Then they're taking bigger steps and Darius feels a large smile grow on his face. He hears Ben laugh, the wind mingling with it. He laughs too. He watches there steps go a little faster. He's probably smiling all like an idiot now. This was far from what he expected.

Ben's hands tighten around his now. "Darius, look at me," he looks up and is met with caring eyes. He almost wants to melt under the gaze. Ben suddenly stops their pace and Darius doesn't realize it until he's so close to the male that he could feel his breathing hitting his face.

Maybe it was the mini adrenaline, but Darius is reaching out and brushing away some of Ben's hair, putting away some stray ones behind his ear. Ben leans into the touch. Or maybe he was imagining that. It doesn't matter though.

It's hard to read those eyes now, the stars are twinkling and it's such a soft moment between them. Then it's ending as Ben jumps down onto concrete, solid ground, saying they should head back to Darius'. And he follows.

Like he always has. Like he always does.

...

They're on his couch now, watching the TV. He's forgotten what it's about. Actually, he's not exactly paying attention. His mind's set on the moments prior. With Ben convincing him to face one of his many fears. He was never keen on the idea. Ben, since days before upon finding out his fear of heights he's always wanted to help him over the fear. He doesn't know what held him back then. 'Cause right now, he feels like flying. Maybe it's still runnin' adrenaline, but he likes the feeling.

And even now as he leans into Ben's side, both wrapped under a large blanket, he likes the feeling of the thumps of a heart beat. It's calming. He could doze off right there.

But times passing, and with moving time there's departing and goodbyes. They happen rather sooner than later. It pinches at his heart as Ben leaves from the couch, the TV just static to the comfort of the moment that was now gone.

He helps Ben pick up the things he left behind and walks him to the door. He puts on his shoes on the cabins porch and Ben gets a head start.

Fitting them on quickly he sprints up to the taller. His hair covered under a tam. Their feet slap on slight mud as they head up to Ben's van. Up above a thunder claps and the smell of rain is suddenly strong. Not paying attention to where he's walking he bumps right into Ben's broad back. He steps back, rubbing a hand to his head as Ben turns. And he wants to question it, until Ben holds both his hands again. Except this time, this isn't for safety, it feels more intimate than that.

Ben pulls him closer with certainty, and now there breathing the same air as Ben lowers his head. Eyes boring into the shorter ones. His heart skips a beat.

He's still again, only, not for fear, but excitement of what's to come.

Ben's looking down then up at him again. Before he leans in, and Darius waits with his mind racing with his heart. Was Ben going to-

But his lips barely touch his, breath touching his top lip, it's agony now. But he wait for the next move.

The rain comes down sudden as Ben leans in-

Then every thing starts to sink in in slow motion.

Darius is on his knees, mud deep on his jeans. It's raining, hard. There aren't any tire tracks to be seen through the rain, better yet there isn't a van. Reality finally sets in. He's alone in the mud with rain dripping down his face. He never went to the college, he never faced his fear...

Ben was never the here.

And the rain mingles with his falling tears, hidden and unseen.