~Him and the blood~

|010| Unconfined Feelings.

Zayden's POV

What in the world did he drink? His thoughts were out of him, he was going crazy. Did he actually say that he was in love with me? My heart was crashing against my chest, tears welling up in my eyes. I haven't cried in so long, the sobs I've been holding in burn in the back of my throat. I need to let them free.

The soft breeze against my body makes the tears stream free. Choked out sobs that I've been holding in forever finally let go. Wetness on my face from the tears, sobs burning the back of my throat. Being outside in the comfortability of loneliness. It's relaxing. To finally feel as if I'm not a burden.

Until he finally confessed his feelings. Oh God or whoever lives in the sky, why didn't I say I didn't know how I felt? My body burns with the need to hug him and comfort him, it's eating me alive. Why, why after all he did, did I feel the feeling of sympathy for him? He literally killed me! And here I am, sobbing my eyes out on the street in the middle of the night.

This burning anger and sadness filling my bones, yet crushing them makes them snap, hurts my insides. The aching feeling of not knowing if I truly love him or not makes my heart beat faster with adrenaline. Fear filling my entire nervous system, my back pressed against a nearby cement wall.

My eyes shutting tight, back scraping as I collapsed to my knees. Even with my eyes shut, the tears still freely spilled. My breath draws near, making my body shake and tremble. Hands clenching to my chest, feeling like I can't breathe. My emotions are so out of focus, I don't even remember who I am.

Zayden? Zane? Who am I anymore? As I open my eyes, the water still pours. The air in my lungs feels like it's missing. My body trembling, eyes filled with tears, hands clutching at my chest. Is this the end for me? What even is this? The way my hands tighten on my shirt, nails digging into my chest.

Do I really love him? Why can't my mind and heart express these feelings? I want to cry more, but if I do I feel like I would faint. So, the sobs and shaking finally started to calm. My shaky legs tremble as I stood up, my hands pressed against the wall for comfort and balance. Inhaling, my fingers raking through my hair to fix it.

The tears subsided, letting me wipe my eyes. Finally, I feel safe in the comfort of relishing him. Why. Why him. As I looked around, my heart slowly paced down. The feeling of his hands still lingered on my chest, yet he's not even close to me. Why is this craving feeling only making my heart pump now?

As a soft sigh leaves my lips, I finally decide to walk back into the Hotel. The air conditioning hits my body, making it shudder. Walking towards the elevator, I can't help but notice why my heart beats for him. He makes me hate myself yet I'm so intrigued by him. Finally, the elevator beeps to my destination on the floor.

Waltzing across the floorboards, I reached to me and Raph's Hotel room. I raked my fingers through my hair, making sure I look good or decent. Then, I slid the keys into the door handle. Twisting the door knob and hearing the click on the other side, I hear a whoosh of wind on the other side of the door.

My eyes widened, feeling my heart stop. When I opened the door, the window was open and the curtain was flowing freely. Raph was gone.