Save Me | Aaron Hotchner x Female OC

Chapter 24 - Release

//A/N// I know, you're probably sick of the apologies from me for the slow updates but alas, that is the way my life is at the moment. I used my only day off to write the next two chapters, so I hope you enjoy haha. 

Thank you for sticking around to see what happens with Hotch and Elena.

(smut incoming)

//x//

Elena

Aaron hadn't spoken since I bared my soul to him in my emotional rant. He just stood there, looking at me, likely assessing how best to break my heart.

"My ex-wife was murdered," he said eventually.

Okay. That was the last thing I expected him to say.

"And it was my fault," he continued. "It was my fault and there hasn't been a day since that I haven't felt weighed down by my failure."

Jesus Christ. Now that was a real trauma bomb. Suddenly, lots of things started making sense.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you." I couldn't think of anything better to say, I was still processing the information.

"Haley and I were separated when it happened," Aaron went on, "but that doesn't make it hurt any less. We may not have loved each other as we once did, but we still loved each other in other ways. She had so much love to give, and I'm the reason she can no longer give it." Aaron's voice was still monotonous despite the fact he was recalling harrowing events, but he rubbed his index finger and thumb together in a self-soothing gesture as he spoke. "It was a serial killer, George Foyet. He took her because stabbing me to near death wasn't enough torture. He wanted to destroy everything I had, and it worked."

Aaron's confession knocked the air from my lungs entirely. I couldn't formulate a response, my head still trying to process everything he'd just said to me. A serial killer murdered his ex-wife? A serial killer stabbed him to the brink of death? Fuck, it was no wonder the man was the way he was.

He finally looked at me then, his eyes gleaming with emotion, real and raw emotion, the most I'd ever seen from him. His heart was battered and bruised beyond recognition, and I wanted nothing more than to help him mend it.

"When people get close to me they get hurt, I get hurt. You're further proof of that. I allowed you to get close, and you nearly got killed because of it...just like Haley did."

I knew why he'd chosen that particular line of recrimination, but it didn't make it true. "You were not the reason that happened to me." I stepped forward, the anger that had been carrying me through the interaction doused in water. "Nor are you the reason for what happened to Haley. Those things happened because of some psychopath's actions, not yours. You can't punish yourself forever, Aaron. It wasn't your fault."

He shook his head. "If I'd stopped looking for Foyet, if I'd just let it go, she'd still be here."

"You didn't kill her, Aaron, he did. This Foyet fucker is the one who ended her life, not you."

He didn't respond, his jaw set to stone as he visibly choked back all the emotion that threatened to spill over the surface.

"Aaron." My voice was firmer now, and I made a point of angling my head so that he'd look me in the eye again. "You can't blame yourself for every bad thing that happens. You're a good person, and you deserve good things."

"I don't deserve anything good in my life, Elena," he said harshly, pulling away from me slightly. "I don't deserve sunshine and buttercups but I want it anyway..." he trailed off and took a deep inhale before continuing. "I want you, but I can't be what you need. I'm scarred, physically and mentally, over what happened, and you deserve someone that isn't damaged goods."