THE SILENCE SAM LEFT

#7 Sam: Fragile balance

I stared at Joshua's peaceful face, his chest rising and falling with each gentle breath. My heart swelled with love and fear, the familiar ache in my chest a constant reminder of the secrets I kept. How could I keep him safe when my own demons lurked in the shadows, waiting to pounce?

Our conversation at the beach still lingered in my mind. Joshua's words, laced with vulnerability, had left me reeling. He'd opened up to me, and I'd failed to respond in kind. The weight of my silence hung between us like an unspoken promise.

I couldn't tell him anything about myself. Not yet. The risk was too great, the consequences too severe. I'd lose him, and the thought was unbearable. But the guilt gnawed at me, eating away at my resolve. When would be the right time to reveal my truth?

As I watched Joshua sleep, I felt trapped. Helpless. I longed to reassure him, to promise forever, but I couldn't. My past dictated my present, and my future remained uncertain.

"Sam?" Joshua's voice, laced with sleep, broke the silence.

"I'm here," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

Joshua's eyes fluttered open, and our gazes met. For a moment, the world disappeared, leaving only us.

"Hey," he said, his smile tentative.

"Hey," I echoed, my heart racing.

Joshua's hand reached out, and I took it, our fingers intertwining. The simple touch sparked a fire within me.

"What's wrong?" Joshua asked, his eyes searching mine.

I forced a smile. "Just watching you sleep. You're beautiful, Josh."

Joshua's cheeks flushed, and he looked away, but not before I saw the hint of doubt in his eyes.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

I hesitated, torn between truth and deception. "I'm fine, Josh. Just... worried about you."

Joshua's gaze returned to mine, and I saw the unspoken questions there. Questions I couldn't answer. Not yet.

The silence between us grew, heavy with unspoken words. I knew I had to tread carefully, balancing my secrets with my love for Joshua. But for now, I was stuck in this limbo, unable to move forward.

As I held Joshua's hand, I realized that my biggest fear wasn't my demons or my past. It was losing him. Losing the one person who made me feel whole.

I felt the weight of my secrets bearing down on me. The guilt gnawed at my conscience, threatening to disrupt the fragile balance between us.

"Sam?" Joshua's voice broke the silence, his eyes searching mine.

"Yeah?" I replied, my heart racing.

"You seem distant," Joshua said, his brow furrowed. "Is everything okay?"

I forced a smile, trying to reassure him. "Just lost in thought."

Joshua's gaze lingered, as if sensing the truth. But he didn't press.

We lay there in silence, the only sound the gentle hum of the fan. I watched Joshua's chest rise and fall, his peaceful face a stark contrast to the turmoil within me.

My thoughts drifted to our conversation at the beach. Joshua had opened up to me, sharing his fears and doubts. And I'd failed to respond in kind. The regret still lingered.

"Josh?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What makes you happy?"

Joshua's eyes sparkled. "You. Being with you makes me happy."

My heart swelled, but the ache in my chest remained. I knew I couldn't promise him forever.

As the night wore on, Joshua's eyelids drooped, and he drifted off to sleep. I held him close, cherishing the warmth of his body.

In those moments, I forgot about my secrets, my past, and the uncertain future. All that mattered was Joshua.

But as the darkness closed in, my thoughts returned to the inevitable. My time with Joshua was limited. And soon, I'd have to face the consequences of my choices.