THE SILENCE SAM LEFT

#4 Joshua: Fractured trust

I stared out the window, my mind reeling from the conversation with Jake. His words echoed in my mind: "just be careful around him Josh. That's all I'm asking" why should I be careful around him? Why did he said he don't trust Sam when they just met?.

My thoughts swirled with doubts and fears. Was Jake genuinely concerned, or was he hiding something? I couldn't shake the feeling that he was keeping secrets. Secrets that could shatter the fragile trust between us.

I needed to clear my head. A walk outside might help. The crisp evening air would do me good. As I stepped out, I spotted Sam sitting on a nearby bench, his eyes fixed on the stars.

"Hi, Joshua" Sam said softly, patting the space beside him. "What's troubling you?"

I hesitated, unsure how much to reveal. But something about Sam's gentle tone put me at ease. I sat down, taking a deep breath.

"Jake's been acting weird," I began. "He says he wants me to be careful that he's trying to protect me, but I don't know what that means."

Sam's expression turned thoughtful. "Sometimes, people try to protect us from ourselves. From our own fears and doubts."

His words struck a chord. Was Jake trying to shield me from my own emotions? I thought back to our conversations, searching for clues.

"Sam, can I ask you something ?" I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Anything, Josh."

"Why are you helping me this much? can I really trust you?"

Sam's eyes clouded, and he glanced away. "I know you've been hurt before. Deeply."

A shiver ran down my spine. What does he know about  my past? And how does he know?

"How do you know Sam?" I asked my voice almost cracking.

Sam's gaze returned to mine, filled with a mix of sadness and pain. "I can't tell you Josh. Please just remember you can trust me. I'm all yours."

Trust? The word echoed in my mind. Sam wouldn't tell me even if I ask him what he knows about my past and I don't want to ask him if he's a part of my past. I trust him. I don't know why but I do trust him and I'm not ready to know the truth yet.

As we sat in silence, the stars began to twinkle above. Sam's presence felt like a warm blanket, wrapping me in comfort. The tension in my shoulders eased, and my breathing slowed.

Suddenly, memories flooded my mind – flashes of my traumatic past. The pain, the fear, the helplessness. My breath quickened, and my heart raced.

Sam's hand brushed against mine, a gentle touch. "You're safe now, Josh. I'm here."

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. No one had ever offered me such unconditional comfort. I felt seen, heard, and understood.

As the night deepened, I realized my feelings for Sam went beyond gratitude. I felt a connection, a bond that transcended words.

But what about Jake? My loyalty to him wrestled with my growing connection to Sam. I thought about our friendship, the laughter, the adventures. But the doubts lingered.

"Sam?" I whispered.

"Yes, Josh?"

"What am I doing? I don't know what's real anymore."

Sam's eyes locked onto mine, filled with empathy. "You're finding your way, Josh. Through the darkness, toward the light."

His words echoed in my mind long after our conversation ended. I walked back to the house, lost in thought.

As I drifted off to sleep that night, I knew I had to confront my emotions head-on. The question was: would I find the courage to face the truth?

************

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside my window. The sun cast a warm glow over the room, and for a moment, I forgot about the turmoil inside me.

Jake was already in the kitchen, sipping coffee. His eyes met mine, and I sensed a mix of concern and caution.

"Hey, Josh. How are you?" he asked, his voice soft.

I hesitated, unsure how much to reveal. "I'm okay, I guess."

Jake nodded, his eyes searching mine. "We need to talk."

My heart sank. What did he want to discuss? The secrets he kept? The doubts I harbored?

"About what?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"About us. About our friendship."

I felt a pang of anxiety. Where was this going?

"Jae, I—"

"Let me finish, Josh," he interrupted. "I know I've been acting weird. I'm just trying to protect you."

Protect me from what? The question echoed in my mind.

"Protect me from what, Jae?" I asked in a low voice.

Jake's eyes darted around the room, as if searching for an escape. "From yourself, Josh. From your own emotions."

I felt a surge of frustration. "That's not your decision to make, Jake. I can handle my own emotions."

"Josh you can't trust strangers easily. I know I have no right to say anything about Sam but he doesn't feel real Josh. I'm scared Josh I want you safe." He said worriedly.

I couldn't help feeling a lots of emotions and I couldn't stand here and keep this conversation going on.

"I need some space, Jae," I said, standing up.

Jake's eyes snapped back to mine, filled with concern. "Josh, don't—"

"I need time to think," I interrupted, walking away.

As I left the kitchen, I felt a mix of emotions: frustration, confusion and growing sense of determination. I need to know about Sam and why Jae is acting like this.