Embracing Tomorrow

Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

I'm having tantrums. I'm throwing things. Not again. I want to stop, but I can't. I can't accept the fact na I was my Dad's daughter with his mistress.

Someone's trying to open my door. I shouted to get out, pero meron siyang susi, so nabuksan kaagad niya. It's Manang Flor. I cried loudly. She rushed to me and hugged me. It fucking hurts.

"Shh, tahan na, Val," Mangingiyak na sabi ni Manang Flor. I kept on crying until nakatulog din ako.

Kinabukasan, my body is so tired. I looked around my room, and it's clean! Oh no! I need to thank Manang Flor. I took a shower first before lumabas sa kwarto. Pumunta ako sa kusina, at tama nga ako ng pinuntahan, nandoon si Manang.

"Uhh, M-manang..." Mahinang tawag ko sa kanya. Nahihiya ako dahil nakita na naman niya ang ganoong side ko.

"Oh, Val! Gising ka na pala, halika pinagluto kita ng sabaw," Masayang sabi ni Manang.

"M-manang, ikaw ba naglinis sa kwarto ko? Pasensya n-na po ha kung nakita niyo na naman akong ganoon," I said shyly.

"Nako, Val. 'Wag kang mag-sorry, alam ko ang rason kung bakit ka nagkakaganon," She held my face. "Wag kang mag-aalala, Valentina. Nandito lang kami ni Ate Arabella para sa'yo." A tear fell. I'm getting emotional these days!

Matapos kaming kumain ni Manang, I decided to take a leave. I finished my sketch in my room and emailed it to Dominic. After a few minutes, I received a reply.

domvergara@gmail.com

Thanks.

So cold. 

I didn't reply and decided to go to my psychiatrist. I need to be better para makuha ko ulit si Dominic.

Nandito na ako sa labas ng Hope Hospital. I breathed heavily. I'm scared. Pumasok na ako sa loob and dumiretso sa clinic ni Dr. Salvador. VIP ako ni Dr. Salvador, kaya hindi ko na kailangan pumila pa. Good day to be rich, part 2.

"Good morning, Doc," I said as I entered her room.

"Oh? Valentina? September 26 pa schedule natin ah? Bakit napaaga ka?" Gulat na tanong ni Doc Salvador.

"Ah Doc, may request sana ako, hehe," Sabi ko, mahinang tumawa. Ang awkward!

Tumango si Doc, allowing me to speak. Huminga ako nang malalim, trying to steady my voice.

"Doc, iniisip ko lang po... pwede bang itaas na natin 'yung dosage ng antidepressants at mood stabilizers ko? Gusto ko na po talagang maging okay," I said, my voice trembling with desperation.

Nakita kong nagulat si Doc, pero kalmado pa rin siyang sumagot. "Valentina, iha, naiintindihan kita, pero kakasimula mo pa lang sa meds mo. Kung tataasan natin agad, baka mabigla 'yung katawan mo. Tsaka, alam mo naman, walang cure ang Bipolar Disorder, we can only manage it." Pinanood niya akong tahimik habang nagsalita siya.

Napayuko ako, parang bigla akong nahiya.

"Ito ba ay dahil kay Dominic na naman?"

Narinig ko ang pangalan niya, at parang may kirot sa dibdib ko. Nakayuko pa rin ako. Tama si Doc. Lahat na lang, lagi, tungkol kay Dominic.

"Iha," Nagpatuloy si Doc, mas malumanay na ngayon, "you have to start letting go. Si Dominic... nakapag-move on na siya. And you will too, eventually. Pero you need to love yourself first. If you don't take care of yourself, paano mo aasikasuhin ang puso mo?"

Tumango ako nang mahina, forcing myself to hold back the tears. Alam ko namang tama siya, pero ang hirap tanggapin.

"Pero Doc, possible ba—" Hindi pa ako tapos magsalita nang biglang nagsalita ulit si Doc.

"Valentina, what you need to focus on ngayon is calming your mind. Practice mindfulness, meditate, and take your medication as prescribed. Hindi lang kapag nalulungkot ka, ha? Take them consistently. If after a while hindi siya effective, we can adjust. Pero please, tulungan mo rin ang sarili mo."

Tumango ako ulit, mas determinado na ngayon. I need to help myself, kahit mahirap. Maybe the first step is moving on from Dominic.

Habang papatayo na ako, biglang nag salita si Doc.

"Ah, iha, by the way, I'll be retiring next month na pala. Pero don't worry, ire-refer kita sa ibang psychiatrist who can continue your care."

"Hala!" I said, half-joking, pero may kaba sa dibdib ko. What if hindi ganun ka-understanding ang susunod na doktor? "Hala, Doc. Wag po. Sayo lang po ako comfortable," Saad ko.

Tumawa ng kaunti si Doc at, "Don't worry iha, he's my nephew. And he's the best psychiatrist also here in Luzvella City." HE?! HINDI AKO COMFORTABLE MAGSHARE NG PROBLEMS SA MGA LALAKE!

"Hehe, Doc, hindi po pwede i-extend 'yung retirement mo until next year?" Paglalambing ko.

"Haha, hindi na pwede, iha," Natatawang sabi ni Doc. "He's working at Unity Care. Na-send ko na sa kanya ang information and your worries, kaya chill ka lang. My nephew is a good psychiatrist. Room 501, 5th floor sa Unity Care Hospital. Since you visited me early, i-schedule kita October 10," She said and smiled.

Nakalutang ang utak kong lumabas sa clinic ni Dr. Salvador. Shit I'm getting anxious. My heartbeat is racing, kinkabahan ako. Doc Salvador is the only doctor I trust, and now she's retiring. 

Pagkauwi ko sa bahay, wala si Mom and Dad. I don't know, pero buong araw silang wala sa bahay. Nahihiya siguro na nalaman ko na ang lahat. I went straight to my room and searched who is the famous nephew of Dr. Salvador. And because he's famous, nakita ko kaagad ang name niya.

Atticus Montemayor

I searched for a picture and nagulat ako sa nakita ko! Siya ang lalaking psychiatrist na lumapit sa akin sa café!

I'm starting to feel scared and anxious. I want to cancel the appointment! I'm embarrassed sharing my problems with him because I already encountered him, and I feel like he will judge me. Oh fuck. Do I even want to go?

I was contemplating whether I should go or not when my phone beeped. It's our 4th-year college group chat.

Lara Manalili: Hi guys!

Lucas Salazar: You know what this means guys! ;)

Ava Sandoval: REUNION TIME!!!

Shit. Every year mag-reunion kami ng mga 4th-year classmates at palaging wala si Dominic, kaya hindi din ako pumupunta. Wala akong plano pumunta nang mag-chat ang iisang close friend ko.

Sophie Alcaraz: Pumunta ka please!! For the past 3 years, hindi ka uma-attend ng reunion simula nung naghiwalay kayo. PLeaseeee, I miss u bff #moveon_na_putangina_mo

Napatawa ako sa chat ni Sophie. Kahit kailan talaga 'tong babaeng to. Sophie is my only friend noong college. I'm not really into socializing, pero makulit 'tong babaeng to, kaya naging kaibigan ko. We two are total opposites, but we're bffs.

Valentina Villanueva: Oo na, fuck u 2

Hindi naman siguro a-attend si Dominic kaya wala akong dapat aalahanin.

Sophie Alcaraz: yay!! see u b1tcheZ

I really hope he's not coming.

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Contains errors ;)
sweethannie_