i liked myself better when i was with her. i sometimes spend my time guessing why. why with her? maybe it was the way she spoke, or the way her eyes would drift into the topics she spoke with enthusiasim or the way she looked at me with such zeal and wonder. perhaps it was the way she talked about the world, voicing thoughts into words that i would keep as just mere passing thoughts and beliefs in my mind. i thought it was admiration at first or excitement at meeting someone who does things you wish you could do. it was. i am not going to lie.
it was admiration, it was fascination that i met someone like her but soon... it turned into racing heartbeats, into excitement at having her name displayed on my phone screen as the caller name, cheeks turning red whenever she grabbed my hand & intertwined her fingers between mine, into thinking about her for hours & watching her in class from the corner of my eye. then cowering within myself, shrinking in shame & realizing i was so stupid.
because it was wrong. wasn't it? it was wrong of me to feel desperate to have her attention on me. it was wrong of me to feel jealousy creeping down my mind & into my head whenever she flirted a guy. it was wrong of me to imagine how her skin would feel like if i traced my fingers down her shoulder, over her chest and down to her hip. it was wrong of me to dream of her, to hold her hand. to hold her between my arms, against my chest, whispering words of such zealous love. it was wrong of me to think, to believe that i could be her world because...
she was mine.
A GIRL IN LOVE , 2024
YOU ARE READING
EVER HEARD OF FAITH?
Poetry"you of little faith," were the words i heard as i hear plates crashing in the living room, as i smell the fire burning the sheets on my bed, as i feel the bruises on the sides of my arm, as i sense the pounding of my heart, writhing to leave my che...
