Whispers of an invisible girl

Chapter 3 : Human Struggles

Celeste lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling as the early morning light filtered though her curtains. The familiar feeling of heaviness pressed down on her chest, as if the weight of her thoughts had manifested into something physical. It was too early to be awake, yet too late to fall back asleep. Her mind had been running circles all night, and now it was a tangle of emotions she couldn't quite make sense of.

She turned over, pulling her blanket up to her chin, hoping to hide from the world for just a little longer. But the feeling inside her, that deep sense of vulnerability, wouldn't let her rest. It was like a storm brewing just beneath the surface----anxiety, self-doubt, fear, all swirling together into something too big to ignore.

Celeste reached for her phone and scrolled aimlessly, looking for a distraction. But nothing could fill the void. Social media, messages, videos---it all felt meaningless, like a blur of content she couldn't connect with. And even when her friends texted her, asking about school or plans for the weekend, she couldn't bring herself to respond. The thought of explaining how she felt---of trying to make someone understand---was exhausting.

''Why is it so hard just to be human?" she thought to herself, echoing the sentiment from Han Jisung's Human.

She sat up slowly, running her fingers through her tangled hair as she tried to shake off the haze of last night's restless sleep. It was hard to pinpoint exactly where it all went wrong, or why the weight of her emotions had become so heavy lately. She had been dealing with anxiety for as long as she can remember, but it seemed like it had gotten worse since school started again. The pressure of senior year, the constant feeling of not belonging, and the overwhelming desire to just be understood---- it all felt too much.

Celeste grabbed her journal from the nightstand and flipped it open to a blank page. She often found comfort in writing, but lately, even when words had felt hollow. Still, it was the only way she knew how to express what she was feeling without having to explain it to anyone. She uncapped her pen and stared at the empty page for a moment before she began to write.

I wish someone could see what's going on inside my head. But how do I explain something even I don't fully understand?

The pen moved faster across the paper as she let her thoughts spill out.

I feel like I'm being torn apart by my own emotions. I'm anxious all the time, but i don't even know why. It's like there's this constant pressure to be okay, to be happy, to be normal. But I'm not okay. I don't feel happy, and I don't know what "normal" even means anymore. I just want someone to understand, but every time I try to talk about it, the words get stuck in my throat.

She paused, tapping the pen against the side of the notebook as a wave of frustration washed over her. Why was it so hard to just be? To exist without feeling like she had to explain herself to everyone around her?

The door to her room creaked open, and her mom peeked in. "Celeste? Are you up? You're going to be late for school."

Celeste forced a smile, even though her chest tightened at the thought of facing another day. "Yeah, I'm up," she replied softly, closing her journal and setting it aside.

Her mom gave her a quick nod and left, the door clicking shut behind her. For a moment, Celeste wished she could open up to her mom, tell her how much she was struggling, but the words always seemed to fail her when it mattered most. She wanted to be understood, but she didn't know how to bridge the gap between her inner world and the one outside.

She dragged herself out of bed and got ready, moving through her morning routine on autopilot. Brushing her teeth, combing her hair, putting on clothes---it was all mechanical, just a series of actions to get through the day. But her mind was far from focused. The storm inside her head continued to rage, thoughts of inadequacy and fear circling her like vultures.

"You're weak."
"You're too sensitive."
"Why can't you just be normal like everyone else?"

The thoughts were relentless, their voices echoing in her mind as she stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were tired, her skin pale, and she could barely recognize the girl looking back at her. She felt so far removed from herself, like she was watching someone else's life from a distance.

Celeste grabbed her backpack and headed out the door, bracing herself for the day ahead. The walk to school was quite, the crisp autumn air biting at her skin. She tugged her sweater closer around her, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the cold feeling inside.

As she entered the school building, the noise and energy of her classmates hit her like a wave. People laughed, joked, and talked about their weekends, while Celeste walked through the halls, feeling like an observer in a world she didn't fully belong to. She envied their ease, the way they seemed so carefree, while she was weighed down by her own thoughts.

In class, she found it hard to focus. Her mind kept drifting, trapped in a cycle of self-criticism and worry. She wanted to raise her hand, wanted to participate, but the fear of being judged, of saying the wrong thing, held her back. Every time she thought about speaking up, her heart would race, and her hands would tremble. It was like her body refused to cooperate with her mind.

As the day went on, the weight of her emotions only grew heavier. Celeste longed for an escape, for some way to silence the thoughts that screamed inside her head. She wanted to be strong, to push through like everyone else seemed to, but she felt so fragile, like she could shatter at any moment.

At lunch, she found a quite spot outside again, away from the crowd and the noise. She sat on the grass, leaning back against a tree, trying to find some sense of calm. But the anxiety still lingered, a constant presence that gnawed at her insides.

Celeste pulled her phone out and opened her music playlist. She scrolled through the songs, her thumb hovering over Human by Han Jisung. She hesitated for a moment, then pressed play.

The soft melody filled her ears, and as the lyrics unfolded, she felt a pang of recognition. The song spoke to her in a way that few things did. It captured the very struggle she had been dealing with---trying to navigate life as a human with complex emotions, trying to hold it together when everything inside felt like it was falling apart.

"I'm only human, and it's hard sometimes."

The words echoed in her mind, and for the first time that day, she felt understood. Even if the song couldn't solve her problems, it reminded her that she wasn't alone in feeling this way. That being human meant struggling, feeling vulnerable, and not having all the answers.

As the song continued to play, Celeste closed her eyes, letting the music wash over her. For a brief moment, the storm inside her seemed to quite, replaced by the bittersweet comfort of knowing that she didn't have to have it all figured out. She was human, after all. And that was enough.

"Cause I'm only human"
"Cause I'm only human"
(고개를 숙인대도 가야 하니까)
"Even with my head hung low, I must go on"
(절뚝거려도 끝까지 닿아야 하니까)
"Cause I'm only human"
"Can't hold on without you, I'm human after all"
(너 없이 못 버티지 사람이니까)
"Outside the spotlight, I'm only human after all"
(빛나는 조명 밖에 나도 사람이니까)

:Human by Han Jisung (stray kids):