cue: confusion [IT FANFICTION]

oops, he won't have children

I have more news that I'll actually not put off this time, and that's the fact that I managed to get a role in A Midsummer Night's Dream.

(As an "understudy and stagehand". I don't know what that means, but I must have been charismatic or something.)

I was ecstatic already, since I wasn't listed as one of the leads, and then I saw the rest of the cast list:

PUCK: Richard Tozier

...puck sounds like fuck haha

Anyway, Richie was pretty euphoric after seeing this, making a bit of a huge deal in the hallway and yelling at the top of his lungs, "I just got pucked, motherfucker!"

(He was equally thrilled to discover that Eddie had landed the role of "Bottom", and ensured that everybody else knew the extent of his joy as well.)

Bev got the role of that one fairy queen that I forgot the name of, but it's a very fitting role for her. It was also the decision that made me most relieved, on account of the fact that it hadn't gone to some bitch like Greta Bowie.

(I'm not misogynistic, by the way. Guys can also be bitches. Writing this in case my mom finds this, also hi mom go away love you)

Of course, imagine how thrilled I was when Richie explained what a stagehand actually was on the way walking home.

"It's like, uh, you bring props on and off of stage and stuff. I guess you'll have Stan helping you out, so you'll be great!"

He gave Stanley an elbow at this, who shrugged and gave a small nod, probably because Richie was here and we both valued his sanity. Richie kept on glancing between us, though, as if he was trying to bring some lighthearted energy to this awkward group. I found myself feeling kind of sorry for him, but I wasn't the one who invited Stanley to walk with us and geek out about theater stuff.

I couldn't linger on my pessimistic thoughts for long, though, as Richie's voice suddenly trailed off and he tensed up. "I think we'd better turn around." He said through gritted teeth, feigning a casual tone as if he were trying to keep his cool. My eyes widened slightly as I obliged, and I made the mistake of looking around for the source of the sudden stress.

[Enter] HENRY BOWERS

[OR: MULLET-WEARING ASSHOLE]

The phrase was originated by Richard Tozier in the summer of 1989, in the midst of a spontaneous self proclaimed "rock war" that got him quite a lot of bruises, but infinite bragging rights.

Unfortunately, Henry wasn't the kind of guy that respected bragging rights, as from the summer of 89' rock war he also earned quite a lot of bruises but a bit of blood-stained mullet too. (If I didn't know any better, I would've thought he switched up his hair for once. He really should become independent from the level 1 bully starter pack.)

I saw him. He was cozily tucked away in some alley, probably waiting for some kid two years younger than himself to target. I saw him seeing me. Fuck.

"Hey, Trashmouth. Didn't know you and Stuttering Bill were still going steady."

At this point, we ignored his voice and walked faster, before seeing none other than Patrick H(C)ocksettler.

"Look at the newest fairy," Patrick snickered. "Excited for the play?"

Richie slipped into his casual Trashmouth persona that usually only escalated situations because everybody thought he was being a snarky asshole. "Whoa, I didn't know you were that caught up in the drama department. You sure you didn't audition?"