cue: confusion [IT FANFICTION]

interlude: he's stupid, but i platonically love him

"Trust me, man! This is going to be the best fucking time of your life!"

I was currently rethinking all of my life choices as Richie Tozier told me how awesome being in a show together would be, blankly returning his eye contact with a hint of skepticalism. I think I understood why he got a lead role now, as he ranted and ranted and ranted and...

[ANNOUNCER] Please welcome Bitchy Frozier to the stage for his welcoming speech for the theater kids of 1990.

[CUE APPLAUSE]

[BITCHY] Oh, please, stawwwwp. Just kidding, keep on going.

[REPRISE APPLAUSE]

[BITCHY] Okay, now stop.

Bitchy clears his throat. What will he say?

[BITCHY] Rule Number One... The lead is God.

[CROWD BOOS]

I don't blame them. Bitchy makes the same speech every year.

[BITCHY] And as I am technically a lead this year, you're glad I'm not bitchy or anything. It doesn't matter either way, though, because of Betta Howie's inclusion in this play as Hermia. So, new theater goers in the crowd? Be warned.

Number Two: Somebody is going to throw a cast party before opening night. Now, this one I'll never understand. There's always some newbie who thinks, "Hey, why wait until after the show when we can throw the cast party before opening night?" It's tradition to get half the cast way too invested in someone's basement party, only to show up hungover to our first performance. "But it's my process, director! I need to be in character!" Yeah, that's why you slept through your entrance cue, Isabelle.

Number Three: Everybody is horny for everybody. First year of theater, either you discover something about yourself, or you rediscover yourself, and there is nothing in between. Ladies and gentlemen, I've seen them all- Love triangles, squares, hexagons, pentagons- It gets messy, trust me. Every. Single. Time.

Number Four: There's no such thing as a bad role! But, let me be honest for a second- if you don't heed my warnings, you will become a stagehand.

I think Richie might have caught on to the fact that I was caught up in my own mind, even though he was hanging upside down on my bed and his glasses were barely hanging on, because he asked me a question. "Right, Bill?"

"Hm?" I was snapped out of my mind, and that was probably enough to prove Richie's hypothesis right. "Of c-course."

Richie's eyes narrowed, which wasn't really too intimidating since he was still hanging upside down on my bed. "I just said that Bernadette Peters is overrated."

"Oh!" I quickly adjusted, and mumbled out, "My b-bad, Rich."

"Yeaaaah, it is your bad." Richie said with a sigh. "Anyway, anybody you're horny for yet?"

I choked on the air. "What the h-h-hell Richie?"

"Nothing." He adjusted his glasses, which were practically falling off of his face. "Just a question. You were zoning out."

"You have a f-filthy mind, Richie.

Richie shrugged. "You know me, Denbrough. Jesus, just kill me for asking if you're this mad."

"I'm not m-mm-mad." I insisted. That was juxtaposed as I leaned forward to flick off Richie's glasses, promptly causing the scrap of metal(the glasses, not Richie) to tumble to the ground.

Richie scrambled for his glasses, which was a bit difficult for him to do while hanging upside down. "Dude, what the fuck!"

"Dude, what the ff-f-fuck!" I mocked him.

"You dickhead-" I assume Richie was going to respond with some amazingly witty remark, but as he began to speak, he, too, fell off of the bed. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"That.. that was your fault, asshole."

I stifled a laugh, trying not to let the currently enraged Richie see me smile. "Y-yeah, sure it was."

Richie groaned, sitting up from the floor and rubbing his head. "You'll pay for that one. Mark my words."

"G-go for it," I said, shaking my head. "J-just don't pull any st-s-stu-stunts during the show. We've got enough w-w-with Stan's whole "c-co-c-constantly pissed off" act."

Richie waved me off dramatically, throwing his arms into the air after he finally put his glasses back on. "Stan's always pissed off. It's his natural state. If we manage to get through the cast reading without him giving us the death glare, it'll be a miracle."

I rolled my eyes. "J-just try not to mess up on p-p-purpose."

Richie grinned wickedly. "No promises. Besides, someone has to make things interesting, and it sure as hell isn't gonna be Uris."

There was a beat of silence before Richie leaned in again, raising an eyebrow. "So, seriously- anyone you're interested in? Any laaaadies?"

I rolled my eyes at him yet again, equipping the same tone I would use. "Let's just g-g-get through this p-play, Richie."

Richie smiled knowingly. "You say that now, but theater kid magic, dude. You'll see..."

[CUE OMINOUS MUSIC. SCENE CHANGE TO CLASSROOM. ENTER THEATER KIDS.]

This'll be fun.

a/n: shit has been going on and i know you guys get it <333

still i do apologize for how short this is :/

Word count: 847