TW: SLURS, TALKS OF SU!C!DE
Please read with caution. ⚠️
A/N: Before you read this just know. I love you no matter who you decide to be. At the end of the day we're all human, we all bleed red. We're not as different as people may think. Your feelings are valid as are you as a person. Be true to yourself, love who you want and most importantly stay alive. The world is a better place with you in it. ❤️🩹
Andy's POV
I unlock my front door and drop my bags at my feet. I want nothing more than to slide my back down the wall and live out my dramatic movie moment but I'm afraid if I do I might not get back up. I shut the door and take off my jacket to hang it up.
I hear footsteps coming closer to me as I lean down to pick up my bags. "Hi, Baby!" Ethan shouts wrapping his arms around me. I accept his hug with less excitement than usual. I love him endlessly but the more I give in the faster I'll cry and I cannot cry in front of Ethan, not when he's this happy.
"How was work my love?" He says planting a kiss on my head. "I love you but can we talk after I shower? It's been a very long day and all I want is to wash the last nine hours of hell off of my body"
"Aww, of course darling. Take all the time you need. I still have to finish my stream. I'll order dinner before you get out"
I smile at Ethan incredibly thankful that I get to call him mine.
He kisses me gently and returns to his stream. I pick up my bags and make my way to our bedroom. I pick out some clothes to wear once I get out of the shower and then make my way to the bathroom. I stand in front of the shower and start to rethink my decision...do I really want to stand up any longer?
Not thinking twice I turn the faucet on and start filling the tub up. I light a few candles and pour in some bubble bath. Once the tub is filled almost to the top I turn the lights off and get in.
I contemplate turning on Ethan's stream but if I do I know I'll distract myself from the bigger thing at hand...what happened at work today.
Knowing I'll be crying during this process I turn on some music.
When I started to fully understand who I am my parents put me in therapy. Not because they wanted me to talk about it in hopes it would change me; but because I asked them to. I knew that me being who I am would come with it's struggles and it hurts to know that but it's life and sadly people think you're worth less than others because you don't meet their expectations.
Therapy helped me a lot and I'm beyond thankful for it but when I moved away I stopped going. My life was good, I mean it still is now but when I moved I felt like I had everything; an amazing boyfriend, incredibly supportive friends and an incredible job. Turns out only two of those are true.
*Knock Knock*
My head turns to the bathroom door as Ethan speaks from outside. "You locked the door?" I can hear the questioning in his voice. "Yeah, sorry. Did you need me to unlock it?" Please say no.
"No no it's okay I'm just here to check in on you. Dinner will be here soon"
"Okay. I'll be out soon"
A minute or two went past before he walked away from the door. I can't see him but I know he hesitated to say more. He always knows when I'm upset, he knows before I do.
~~~~~
I've finished my bath and I'm feeling a little better but I have that feeling in my stomach that tells me I'm seconds away from bursting into tears.
I have barely touched my dinner in fear I'll throw up. Not because I feel sick but because food isn't my friend right now...it's crazy how just a few words can change everything.
