Silent Battles

Part 12 | Holding it Together

The morning light felt too harsh against my skin. I blinked at the brightness, wishing I could stay hidden in the comfort of my bed. But I had to go back to school today. I couldn't avoid it forever. I couldn't avoid him forever.

I stared at the small orange bottle on my desk-my anxiety meds. The ones the doctor prescribed last year after everything went downhill. I swallowed two pills dry, hoping they'd be enough to keep me grounded, to help me push through the day without losing it.

By the time I got dressed and left for school, my nerves had dulled, the pills doing their job. I kept my head down as I walked across campus, focusing on just getting through today without anyone noticing anything was off.

Everything seemed fine until I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Amara!"

I stopped, my breath hitching in my throat. Slowly, I turned to see Aiden walking toward me, my laptop and books in hand- the ones I'd left at the café yesterday.

My stomach flipped. Of course, I'd forgotten them.

"You left these," he said, handing them over with a concerned look on his face.

"Thanks," I mumbled, taking them quickly. My hands shook a little, but I hoped he wouldn't notice.

"Are you okay?" His voice was low, cautious.

"I'm fine," I said too quickly, pasting on a smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Aiden wasn't buying it. His eyes scanned my face, and I could tell he was thinking about yesterday, how I'd bolted from the café like the world was collapsing around me.

"Listen," he started, "about yesterday... I didn't mean to freak you out by inviting you to the party. You don't have to go if you don't want to."

My heart was racing again, but the pills kept me steady enough to force a smile. "No, it's fine," I replied, surprising even myself. "I'll go."

He blinked, clearly taken aback. "Really? You sure?"

"Yeah," I nodded, trying to keep my voice light. "Why not?"

He paused, eyes narrowing just slightly, as if he could sense something wasn't right. But then he smiled, his shoulders relaxing a little. "Okay. Just... if you change your mind, it's no big deal."

"I won't change my mind," I said, the words coming out before I could stop them.

Aiden pulled out his phone. "Here, let me get your number," he said, his expression serious yet kind. I hesitated but eventually handed him my phone, watching as he typed in his number before handing it back.

"Now you can reach me anytime," he said with a reassuring smile. "I'll pick you up on Saturday for the party."

I nodded, trying to ignore the flutter in my stomach. "Yeah, okay. Sounds good."

Deep down, I appreciated that he cared enough to ensure I had his number, but I was still grappling with my nerves about the party. I wanted to appear fine, like everything was normal.

He studied me for a moment longer, then nodded. "Alright. I'll see you in class."

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there clutching my laptop and books to my chest. My heart was still racing, but my face felt numb, like I was wearing someone else's skin.

Why did I say yes?

I shook my head, trying to shake the feeling creeping up my spine. Maybe if I kept pretending everything was fine, Aiden wouldn't pry too deeply. Maybe I could convince myself I was okay.

But deep down, I knew I was lying to both of us.

As Aiden walked away, I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. The noise of students around me felt distant, like I wasn't really there. I hugged my laptop closer, hoping it would calm the nervous feeling in my chest.

I'll go to the party, I told myself again. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I needed to appear normal, to keep Aiden from thinking I was hiding something. The pills helped me stay calm, but they couldn't make the memories disappear.

Pushing the thoughts aside, I walked to my next class. I just needed to get through the day. Smile, talk, and act like everything was fine. But I knew the truth-I couldn't hide from the past forever.