Cote: Elite in Action

SS: Honami Secrets of the Heart

I had distanced myself from Kayden. I knew it, I felt it every time I avoided looking him in the eyes or made up excuses not to be near him. We had stopped talking like we used to, and although I tried to convince myself that it was for the best, I knew there was a reason behind it all. It was me. My own feelings.

During the sports festival, it was impossible to keep denying it. Seeing him there, with that energy that had always attracted me, made my emotions clearer, more intense. I accepted what I had tried to hide for so long: I liked Kayden. But at the end of that day, the image of him with another girl, that closeness... something inside me changed.

Jealousy. Frustration. Anger. Everything mixed in a confusing, suffocating way. I got angry with him, so much that I stopped talking to him. Was I being immature? Yes, I knew. But even so, I didn't know what to do with these emotions that were consuming me from within. Should I confront him? Ask him what that closeness with her meant? Why could he be so calm while I was consumed by doubts?

I had no idea how to handle my feelings. I had never been in love before, and no one had ever confessed to me, so I had no reference for how to act. I thought that distancing myself would help me clarify my thoughts, to find an answer. But all I had managed was to feel more lost.

Every day that passed away from him, I saw how Kayden spent more time with Mako-chan and Yuki-chan. And the jealousy returned, once again, like a shadow I couldn't shake off. It was a bitter feeling, as if a part of me was being displaced. And the worst part was that it was my fault. I had chosen to distance myself, and now I was suffering the consequences.

I wanted to get closer again. I wanted to talk to him like before, laugh together, share those little moments that made me feel special. But there was a barrier, a barrier I had raised myself. And the more time passed, the harder it became to break it down.

But what would happen if I confessed my feelings and he rejected me? Just thinking about that possibility terrified me. I didn't know if I could handle it. Kayden had become someone irreplaceable to me. A pillar in my life that, if it crumbled, I didn't know how I could move on. How do you face the possibility of losing someone who means so much?

That doubt paralyzed me. I wanted to be brave, to tell him how I felt, but the fear... the fear of losing him was too strong. And in the meantime, I stayed here, trapped in my own feelings, watching from afar as the distance I had built continued to grow.

The clock kept ticking, the days passed, but I remained motionless, trapped in my own thoughts. I couldn't stand being like this, but every time I tried to take a step, something inside me held me back. It was as if there were an invisible force pushing me backward, pulling me even further away from what I truly wanted.

The times I crossed paths with Kayden in the hallways made my heart race, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. It hurt more than it should, because every smile he directed at someone else, every word exchanged with Mako-chan or Yuki-chan made me feel like a stranger in his life. When had we gone from being so close to this? How had we reached this point where he seemed to move on without me?

And then there were those moments, those brief instants when our gazes crossed accidentally. For a second, all the noise disappeared. But before I could comprehend what I saw in his eyes, I would look away, letting it pass. Did he also notice the distance between us? Or maybe... he didn't care as much as I did. That thought was a thorn that dug deeper every time.

I had tried to distract myself. I forced myself to focus on other things, on my studies, on activities, on everything that could keep my mind away from Kayden. But everything always came back to him, inevitably. It was as if everything in my life revolved around his presence, and every second that passed without talking to him was self-imposed torture.