The Body I'm In

Chapter Four

Winter 2018 (Christmas Eve)

Crowley drank too much. As of late, he tended to do that during holidays. If asked, he'd just claim to be making the most of the celebrations. Crowley justified it to himself using that same claim. Each holiday came around only once a year so why not make the best of it? The Greek Gods and Goddesses had the right idea when it came to parties – copious amounts of food and drink. After a bender he'd actually gone to the closest tattoo parlor, rolled up his sleeve, and gotten a tattoo of a bunch of grapes surrounded by the phrase: Dionysus was Right.

He drank to forget. He drank so he didn't feel anything. He drank to be numb. He drank to suppress the worry.

Holidays brought thoughts of that angelic man he'd only met twice in his life. They had been brief moments, but time spent with Aziraphale left the rocker feeling more alive than he'd felt in a very long time. There had been a connection. There'd been passion. There'd been a sense that this was how it was supposed to be. Aziraphale and he were destined for each other – Crowley found himself certain of that fact. Yet, they weren't and probably never would be as the chances of them finding one another were slim to none.

Even still, Crowley tried to forget. He pushed himself deep into making music. He'd serial dated. He'd smoked some weed. He went clubbing, and on one such occasion he met Nina and Maggie, a charming lesbian couple. He tried shopping but found that only buying copious amounts of plants did anything to distract him from the agony and the worry he felt when Aziraphale popped into his mind (which was both at day and at night).

Somethin' wrong, Crowley thought. There's something wrong with Aziraphale. Those words might have slurred themselves out of his lips. Nina and Maggie, who he'd been out with on this particular holiday, had not spoken nor were they saying anything as the two women helped Crowley into the building, up the flight of stairs, and into his flat. They didn't even say anything as they helped Crowley get into bed.

Crowley passed out before they left. Lying on top of the bed, he slept on his stomach; he had one hand draped over the side of the bed. The rocker did not budge from this position for a couple of hours. But something woke him. He jerked his head up. His hand swatted towards the table but Crowley stopped it just before it connected with the glass of water Nina or Maggie left for him before they went on their way.

Blurry-eyed and cotton mouth, he took in the situation. He was in his bedroom. His head was throbbing. He heard something ringing in his room. While attempting to figure it out, he took the headache medication one of the women had set out. The phone finally caught his attention. He picked it up and brought it to his ear.

"Hello? 'Ello?" he greeted. His voice was craggy and thick from sleep. Crowley swung himself so his feet were squarely planted on the ground. With his free hand, he gripped the mattress so as to keep himself from falling to the floor. Too fast of movements resulted in dizziness. "Anyone there, eh?"

"Crowley?" The familiar voice squeaked the word. The voice on the other side sounded so small and frail and sad. "Please, is this Crowley?" Faint beeps and boops and other indeterminable sounds emoted from the phone as Aziraphale spoke.

"Angel? Aziraphale, is that you? Where are you?" Crowley said, sobering up as he tried to process the call. His mouth felt dry. As the rocker awaited an answer, he knew what the answer would be, but how had Aziraphale ended up there in the first place?

"Oh. Crowley. I....I'm in the hospital. St. Ambrose," he stammered, sniffing and clearing his throat. "I'm alone." At those words, his voice broke. Aziraphale stayed on the line, but silent for a good few minutes. Crowley just sat there listening to the rustle of the blankets and sheets and the quiet sobs that emoted from his throat or lips. With every passing moment, the background beeping grew louder and louder to the point there seemed to be a nurse coming in to assist.