New beginnings

|8| Adjusting

-Madeline-

School has been dreadful, each day dragging on slower than the last. Chloe and Clara were still ignoring me, their silence swallowing me whole.
Somehow I've been getting used to the alone time, It just kills me every time I see Dylan.

How come he gets to feel so free, and i'm struggling to even get out of bed?

As I rummaged through my bag the poster I'd grabbed the other day caught my eye. I've decided to go after school today. A part of me felt like I didn't belong in a survivors group, what if no one believed me? What if i'm overreacting?

"Morning Madeline," Miss Laura said as I walked in. "I need to speak to you after class,"
The room instantly erupted with oohs and whispers. I shot them the dirtiest look I could muster and headed to my seat.

I usually sit next to Clara, but lately we haven't been sitting next to each others for obvious reasons. However today, Clara decided to sit next to me.

"hey.. uhm is everything okay?" Clara asked.

I looked at her confused, first she doesn't speak to me for ages and now she's asking me if i'm okay?
Of course i'm not.

"What do you think," I scoffed.

"You look a little..rough," she says.
Is she serious?

I Ignored her for the rest of the lesson, I didn't feel like talking to her. After class, I approached Miss' desk, already bracing myself.
"Is everything okay? I've noticed you've stopped attending tutoring and your grades have slipped even more," she said, her eyes searching mine for an explanation.

"I'm fine. Everything's good. I'll try harder,"Is all I could come up with, I turned around to leave, But before I could, she grabbed my hand and quietly closed the door.

I flinched.
My stomach twisted, memories crashing over me.It was here. This room.I was already barely holding it together just being in this class, and now this.

Miss Laura hesitated like she was going to say something else. Instead, she asked. "Have you been eating properly?"

What
"Excuse me?" I blinked, caught off guard

"I'm sorry if it feels invasive, but i'm really concerned about you." She said, her voice soft.

"Yes, I have," I lied. Honestly, I couldn't even remember the last time I ate.

She released my hand, "Please take care of yourself. You know this is a safe place if you need to talk."

Safe? this was the least safe place imaginable.

---

After school I stopped by the group therapy session. I took a seat in the corner, trying to make myself as small as possible. And as I sat there, I stayed silent, just listening to the others share their stories.

The group leader, a kind- looking woman in her forties, introduced herself as Karen. She smiled gently at everyone. "Welcome, or welcome back, I know it's not easy to be here, but I'm glad each of came." She said warmly. "This is a safe space,you're not obligated to share anything if you don't want"

A guy named Ben was first to speak. He seemed older than most of us, probably in his twenties. His arms were covered in tattoos, he looked tough, like he wouldn't let anyone hurt him. But when he started talking, his voice was soft.

"I've been coming here for about six months now," He said glancing around the room."And it's.. still hard to talk about. I kept it inside for years, I didn't tell anyone, just pretend like everyone was fine. But it was eating me alive. I used to think it was my fault, that i somehow asked for it." He swallowed hard, his voice lowering to almost a whisper. "I didn't say no loud enough. I should've fought back harder. But.. I learned that I didn't deserve it? I never asked for it, and that should be enough to make me a survivor."