New beginnings

|1| Reflections and shadows

-Madeline-

The shrill of my alarm clock yanked me from my restless sleep. Groggily, I reached over to silence it and sat up. My first stop was the bathroom mirror. I stared at my reflection, examining every curve of my stomach with a critical eye. Despite my best efforts, I still saw the remnants of my childhood chubbiness that I'd spent years trying to shed. In a hurry, I leaned down and grabbed my scale from under the sink, a small smile tugged at my lips as I noted that today's weight was less than yesterday's.

I shuffled into the kitchen, where my mother was already in full swing, cooking breakfast.
"Morning, want some Eggs and bacon?" She asks not looking up from the stove.

I shook my head, forcing a smile. "No thanks, I'm not hungry"

She nodded, "Alright, just remember to take the bus or walk to school. Julian's taken the car to college"

of course he did

Julian, at 19 was off thriving at a top- tier university, and Juliet, 24, had a successful career in marketing and advertising. Their accomplishments were always the center of conversations. I, on the other hand, felt like a mere afterthought. I was always the outcast, the sensitive and lazy child. I often wondered if i'd ever live up to their expectations.

I chose to walk to school, as honestly it burnt more calories than the bus. The walk was an automatic blur, the same familiar streets passing by without much notice. At school, I fell into my usual routine with Clara and Chloe walking as if we owned the school.

"Hey Mads!" Clara greets me with a bright smile. Her brunette hair was styled effortlessly and her blue eyes sparkled with excitement. "Did you hear about Ryker's party tonight? It's supposed to be amazing"

I nodded, trying to match her enthusiasm. "Yeah I heard. Sounds like it's going to be fun!"

Chloe, with her long blonde hair falling in waves down her back, joined in. "I heard Ryker's house is huge. There's supposed to be a dj and everything"

As the bell rang and I walked into math class, Miss Laura had pulled me aside. "Madeline your grades have been slipping. Is there something wrong?"

I shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant "I'm just having a rough patch. I'll get back on track soon"

Miss Laura looked concerned but didn't press further. It wasn't that I didn't care about my grades-I'd always been smart, and hardworking. But lately, with the constant war in my mind, I'd rather calculate calories than actual math, which makes it difficult to maintain my focus.

During lunch, Clara was animatedly discussing Aaron, another one of the footballers in our school. "Aaron is so cute" Clara gushed. "I would do anything to be his"

I decided that Clara rambling would be my cue to make my escape. I discreetly grabbed my uneaten lunch and tossed it into the trash before heading to the back of the school. There, hidden from view, I could indulge in my daily ritual. Smoking was something my friends believed i had quit, but it remained my secret escape- a way to manage stress and curb my appetite.

I swiftly returned back to my lunch table as if nothing happened. "ughhh I just wish he would atleast talk to me!", Clara groans.
Just how I left them.

After school, Clara and Chloe came over to get ready for Ryker's party. Clara's hair was styled into elegant waves, and light makeup that still showcases her freckles. Chloe's long blonde locks were straightened perfectly, falling down to her waist. I watched them with a mix of admiration and envy. Their effortless beauty contrasting with the turmoil I felt inside.

"Looking good mads!" Chloe exclaims. "Have you been going to the gym without me?"

"noo," I chuckled. "I don't know what you're talking about, honestly, it looks like you're the one going to the gym without me"