EVERYTHING I DESERVE

MAMIHLAPINATAPAI

Mamihlapinatapai (ma-mey-la-pin-ought-ta-pay) (n.): a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but neither wants to begin

Natalie's Pov

His words leave me speechless, his actions level me, his touch captivates me, and his presence dominates my every thought. We're so close our breathing becomes a collaborative melody, a silent conversation between us. He takes another step even closer and stares down at me with his different colored irises, and it feels like all intellectual thoughts have left my body.

"I...uh...um...I don't know," I say just above a whisper.

"Natalie, I can't stop thinking about you. You have a constant place in my mind that I can't escape," he says with a voice thick with desire as his hands begin to caress my arms.

I take in every word, his voice luring me into a trance, and my body fights against temptation. My chest is heaving at this point. My mind is racing at the thought of being in another relationship. Despite how fine he is or how I'm attracted to him, the thought of becoming anything more than physical with him is a bridge I'm not ready to cross just yet. I don't think before I say my next words.

"Lorenzo, I...I can't!" I blurt out, my voice quivering. As my words leave my lips, his face shifts and his jaw tightens and relaxes so quickly that I would've missed it if I hadn't been staring. "I'm not ready for this—for us, for anything beyond what we are right now. Don't get me wrong, I want to be ready...I'm just...it's just..." I don't realize I'm shaking until he pulls me into an embrace, the world pausing around us.

"Natalie, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you upset," he says as his eyes trail my face and soften when they meet mine. I look at him and pull him even closer to me. He's silent, but his eyes speak volumes. He looks down at me as if he's trying to read me.

"I didn't mean to ruin our great night," I say, looking down at my feet.

"You didn't, Natalie... Every moment I spend with you is a moment I'm grateful for." He smiles at me. I feel warmth in my chest.

The weight in the air begins to lighten, and I want to warm up the atmosphere. I need to change the subject, to focus on something positive. "I bought some painting and craft supplies at the market a while ago. Would you like to come over to watch movies with me and unleash our inner artist?" I say, rubbing his forearms.

"I would like nothing more." He smiles, blessing me with the sight of his dimples.

Lorenzo walks me back to my car and instructs me to drive safely. The drive home is filled with me singing along to corny love songs while thinking of him.

This chapter is shorter than I normally write, but I have to spend more time studying than writing nowadays. Nursing school is kicking my ass, but I'm trying to make more time for myself and my hobbies. I'll see y'all later <3!!!!!!

Love,

EmeraldNovelista