𝙢𝙮 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨 ( 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙡 )

𝙛𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙮-𝙩𝙬𝙤

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

tears

the three of us clapped once the cast were doing the curtain call. it was very awkward. and honestly, i had no idea what i was clapping for. the entire time, i was trying to keep myself awake. that didn't turn out to be successful, though, because walker's shoulder was somehow more comfortable than any pillow, and the play was seemingly half the length of any i'd ever seen.

walker holmes was the lead. at least he'd gotten a role in another project. he still appeared to have a grudge against us, the slightest bit of his true self slipping out of character to death glare us every so often.

"okay, let's get out of here before walker holmes kills us," i whispered urgently once the stage was being cleared. 

we got outside without being stopped by security guards or existentially confused janitors. "finally! fresh air," cried maeve.

we'd all parted ways by the time i was five minutes from my house. they both scurried home while i dragged my feet, postponing my arrival and doubling the trip. i could already see the grey hairs multiplying on my father's head in real time, the wrinkles deepening across my mother's forehead in front of my very eyes, as if my infuriating acts were triggering some inexplicable scientific phenomenon.

inevitably, i approached my house. it was dark out by then, so maybe they couldn't see me stalling my entrance by standing outside, zoning out with my fingers almost freezing off. but mom came up to the door, opened it, and looked at me with, as anticipated, no trace of a smile, no hug, welcome, or, "you had me worried sick!" this time.

i gave her a weak smile and stepped inside. the smell of mom's dinner lingered, but no food was seen. and there dad was, waiting in the breakfast nook with his and mom's phones set out on the table. "could we talk to you over there," asked mom in a surprisingly calm tone. it wasn't lighthearted in any way, just forcibly calm, which seemed to make me all the more anxious as i set the flash wrapped inside my jacket down.

just like the first time i got grounded, i sat across from my parents and their devices wishing i could take one of them and call 911. mom's phone actually did have the calling app opened, and of course dad had fennel's email.

"well... that trip to jordyn's went longer than expected!" said mom.

"so did how long you thought you could keep lying to us, y/n," said dad. straight to the point. nice.

before i could speak, mom's table manners evaporated and she did instead. "we couldn't contact you since you left your phone here," she started. "of course, i was worried sick and the dinner turned out horrible! so, when your father came home, he suggested calling your aunt since you were supposedly at her house."

i now understood the janitor's interest in doorknobs. i couldn't look at my parents, but rather at the handle a few feet away from me that i so badly wanted to turn and make my escape.

"not only did you never go over to her house," said dad, "you never apologized to her."

oh. he was right. the apology had totally slipped my mind once it was preoccupied with the whole maeve situation. and all of the sudden, i also understood maeve completely. she'd been hiding her relationship too, and damn. it sucked.

"now you owe far more apologies than if you'd just listened and done what we asked in the first place," said mom.

"your grades have been much lower than in the first semester, and it's making me question you a lot. how much haven't you been doing?" dad asked me.

he paused, and i finally got the chance to say something. but i didn't, because i had no clue what to say. i thought all of this focusing on what really mattered would help them do the same. apparently, though, what really mattered was a matter of perspective. if i told them my point of view, i would just be digging myself a deeper hole to get grounded into. and if i stayed silent now, then all of my prior silence would have a wrongful conviction.

"okay, so we don't know what you haven't been doing, and we don't know what you have," he continued. he glanced down at his phone, then looked up angrily. "i mean, your teacher said you have a boyfriend!"

he kept waiting for me to respond, like he'd just asked a question. and now the subject was changed to that stupid fear of his. again, nothing good to say came to mind. so i voiced one of my fears. "you don't trust her more than me, do you?"

dad held back for a second. "just tell us the truth," he said, softer.

"the truth is that we did kiss multiple times, and he's basically my boyfriend. and i have been lying to you... for months. and i am so sorry." my throat tightened, my eyes started to dampen. now is not the time! i tried to keep talking, but another, "i'm sorry," was all i could get out before that strangling feeling worsened.

mom reached her hand out and squeezed mine. "we know you're sorry," -- i hoped she'd leave it at that, that the drowning wave of guilt that i felt would be the only punishment -- "and it's so important to us that we know all the rest."

i swallowed hard, allowing shaky words to come out. "i've been doing what makes me happy and spending time with people that make me happy. that's what i lied about. that's it!"

"you don't have true happiness if you need to lie just to maintain it," said dad. "you work for that long lasting, fulfilling happiness. and, of course, some things can be mistaken for distractions."

distractions? are you fucking kidding me? i was so done with this argument. it wasn't going anywhere except downhill. and it seemed that they didn't want me to be going anywhere either.

"goodnight," i grumbled, standing up and leaving the room. i didn't hear any words behind me, or any truth in the one i just said. i didn't wish them a good night. in fact, i didn't want to see them for the rest of it.

so i gathered my phone and jacket, rushed up the stairs and went into my bedroom. eventually, i caught my breath and tried to hold back my tears until i was outside. the window squeaked open. my feet landed on the roof below it. and i was off to go make it official.

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thank you for reading chapter 52!