A Thousand Ways To Say I Love You

CHAPTER XL

Isabella leaned back against the wall of the staff room, her hands resting on her lap. The day had been intense. The operation had gone well, and she had saved another life—one of the few moments she felt in control amidst the chaos of her personal life. But as the adrenaline from the surgery faded, exhaustion set in, not just physically but mentally as well. She rubbed her temples, trying to push away the swirling thoughts that had been clouding her mind since her conversation with Carter.

Her phone buzzed on the table beside her, breaking the silence. She picked it up, her heart skipping a beat, hoping it was Matteo. But no, it was just another email from the hospital administration. She sighed and tossed the phone back on the table.

Matteo had been silent for 2 weeks now. No texts, no calls. Nothing. And Carter's words still echoed in her mind: He’s dangerous… you deserve better.

Isabella closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She tried to separate her emotions from the facts. At work, everything was clear-cut—patients either survived or didn’t, and she could trust her training. But with Matteo, nothing was certain. She had allowed herself to feel something for him, something deep, but now she was questioning everything.

The door creaked open, and one of her colleagues Dr.Emily  peeked in. “Hey, Isabella, you okay? You’ve been sitting there for a while.”

She forced a tired smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… long day.”

Dr. Emily gave her a sympathetic nod before disappearing again. Isabella took that as her cue to leave. She grabbed her coat and bag, ready to head home, though the idea of walking back into an empty apartment filled her with dread. The silence, the waiting, the uncertainty—it was all becoming too much.

As she stepped out into the cool evening air, her phone buzzed again. She glanced down, her heart dropping when she saw a message from Carter:

'I hope you’re okay. If you need to talk, I’m here.'

Isabella stared at the message for a moment before tucking the phone back into her pocket. She didn’t need more warnings. She needed answers. Maybe tonight, she’d finally confront Matteo and demand the truth. One way or another, she couldn’t keep living in this limbo.

Isabella wrapped herself in a soft towel as she stepped out of the bathroom, the steam trailing behind her like a ghostly presence. She wiped the fog off the mirror and stared at her reflection. Her eyes looked tired, her expression drained, as if all the weight she’d been carrying was finally showing. The bath had done little to soothe the unease that gnawed at her since Matteo's silence and Carter’s cryptic warnings.

She walked into her bedroom, the quietness of her apartment amplifying her loneliness. Normally, Andria would come over on nights like these, offering her comforting company, but not today. Andria had texted earlier, apologizing for being caught up with work. Isabella understood, but tonight, more than ever, she wished she wasn’t alone.

Throwing on a loose, comfortable t-shirt and shorts, Isabella climbed into bed. The soft sheets offered a brief comfort, but her mind refused to settle. She reached for her phone, glancing at it for what felt like the hundredth time, hoping—just hoping—there might be a message from Matteo.

Nothing.

With a heavy sigh, she put the phone down. Her mind wandered to the last conversation she’d had with Carter. The way he had looked at her when she asked about Matteo… the hesitation before he spoke.

"You deserve to be with someone who isn’t hiding things from you, Isabella."

Those words played over in her mind, tugging at her already fragile state. Was Carter right? Was Matteo hiding something from her—something dangerous?

She didn’t know if she should trust Carter. After all, he had his own reasons for wanting to get close to her again. But Matteo’s silence was becoming unbearable, and her instincts were screaming that something was off.

Isabella curled up on her side, pulling the blanket over her. The silence of her apartment was oppressive, and every creak and distant city noise seemed louder than usual. She tried to calm her racing mind, but it was no use. Her thoughts drifted back to Matteo, to the passionate moments they shared, to the way he had made her feel safe… yet now, that same man was the source of her deepest confusion.

Just as she closed her eyes, trying to will herself to sleep.

Isabella’s heart nearly stopped when the doorbell rang. It was well past midnight, and no one should have been at her door. Her mind raced as she approached it, wondering if it was just her fatigue playing tricks on her. Maybe it was a neighbor, or even Andria making an unexpected late-night visit.

But when she opened the door, her breath caught in her throat. It was Matteo.

He stood there, his tall frame filling the doorway, the dim light of the hallway casting shadows across his face. His eyes were darker than usual, intense, filled with something she couldn’t quite place—worry, regret, maybe even fear. He was disheveled, his shirt untucked, his hair slightly messy as if he had run his hands through it several times. He looked as though he had rushed to get here.

“Matteo...” she whispered, her voice barely audible, her mind struggling to comprehend the fact that he was standing in front of her.

“Can I come in?” His voice was low, almost pleading, and something about the way he spoke sent a chill down her spine.

She stepped aside, allowing him to enter, her body moving on instinct even though her mind was still trying to catch up. Matteo walked past her into the living room, and as she closed the door behind him, the room felt smaller, more suffocating with his presence there.

He turned to face her, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room as if unsure of what to do or say next. For a long moment, neither of them spoke. The silence between them was thick with unspoken words, unresolved feelings, and the weight of everything that had been left unsaid.

“I know it’s late,” Matteo finally said, breaking the tension. “But I needed to see you. I couldn’t wait any longer.”

Isabella’s heart pounded in her chest. She didn’t know whether to feel relieved or angry. She had spent the last few weeks waiting for him to reach out, to explain why he had gone silent, why he had left her in the dark. And now here he was, showing up unannounced in the middle of the night, as if nothing had happened.

“Why now, Matteo?” she asked, her voice barely steady. “You’ve been ignoring me for days. No calls, no messages. I didn’t know what to think.”

He looked down at the floor, guilt flashing across his face. “I know. I’m sorry. I had to deal with something... something important.

She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hold herself together. “And what is that something? What is so important that you couldn’t even send a text to let me know you were okay?”

For a moment, he looked like he wanted to tell her, to spill everything right then and there. But then his jaw tightened, and he shook his head. “Not tonight. I promise I’ll explain everything soon. But right now, I just need you to trust me. Please.”

Isabella stared at him, her mind racing. She wanted to believe him, to trust him like he was asking her to. But something in her gut told her that whatever Matteo was keeping from her was bigger than she could imagine, and that it could change everything.

“I don’t know, Matteo,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I don’t know if I can.”

Matteo took another step toward her, reaching out to gently cup her face in his hands. His touch was warm, and for a brief moment, it was as if nothing had changed between them.

She wanted to believe him, she wanted to trust him. But deep down, she knew that whatever Matteo was hiding would only bring more danger into her life.

“Matteo... you’re scaring me.”

He pulled her into his arms, holding her close as if he could shield her from the world. “I’m sorry, Bella. I’ll make this right. I promise.”

And for that moment, as she buried her face in his chest, all the doubts and fears melted away. But she knew, deep down, that this was only the beginning of something far more complicated.