A Thousand Ways To Say I Love You

CHAPTER LXVIII

Matteo stood on the other side of the door, his heart pounding in his chest as the sound of Isabella’s muffled sobs echoed through the wood. Each cry felt like a dagger piercing his heart, a painful reminder of the rift between them that seemed impossible to bridge. He reached for the door handle, ready to push it open, but the reality of her words hit him like a tidal wave—she didn’t want him there.

“Isabella, please,” he said softly, desperation lacing his voice. “I love you, I’m trying to make this right.” But there was no response, just the haunting sound of her cries, which resonated in the hollow silence that followed.

After what felt like an eternity, Matteo finally stepped back, feeling as though the very ground beneath him had shifted. He turned away from her door, his chest heavy with regret and sorrow. The image of her broken expression haunted him, and he knew he had to respect her wishes, even if it felt like a betrayal of everything they had shared.

He walked down the corridor, his mind racing with thoughts of how to reach her, how to make her understand that he was fighting for them. But he also knew that pushing too hard might drive her further away. “I’ll give her space,” he whispered to himself, though his heart protested against it.

As he exited the building, he felt a familiar weight settling on his shoulders—a reminder of the world he belonged to, the chaos that awaited him outside the safety of Isabella’s heart. The darkness that clung to him felt more pronounced now, tainted by the love he felt for her and the realization that he had put her in danger.

Meanwhile, inside her apartment, Isabella collapsed against the door, her heart shattered into a million pieces. The confrontation had ripped open wounds she thought had begun to heal. “Why can’t he see?” she thought bitterly. “Why can’t he understand that I’m scared?”

Tears streamed down her face, a mix of anger and sorrow. She had loved Matteo fiercely, but the weight of him and the violence that surrounded him felt suffocating. “I can’t do this anymore,” she sobbed, her voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t be part of his world.”

The phone continued to buzz on the table, a persistent reminder of the outside world and the complications that lay ahead. She finally pushed herself up, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Isabella took a deep breath, trying to gather her strength as she turned toward the phone, its screen lighting up with Carter’s name again. She switched the phone off, she didn't have any energy to deal with anyone right now.

Days turned into weeks for Isabella as she navigated the tumultuous waters of her emotions. The revelation of Matteo's true identity had hit her like a freight train, leaving her reeling in shock and confusion. She tried to focus on her work at the hospital, immersing herself in her duties to distract from the constant turmoil in her mind.

“How are you holding up?” Andria asked one afternoon as they took a rare break in the hospital cafeteria. She had noticed Isabella's distant demeanor and the dark circles under her eyes.

“I’m fine,” Isabella replied, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Just busy, you know? Lots of patients to care for.”

Andria didn’t buy it. “Is this about Matteo?” she pressed gently, concern etched on her face.

Isabella sighed, running a hand through her hair in frustration. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, her voice tight. “I can’t keep thinking about him. I need to move on.”

“But you still care about him,” Andria stated matter-of-factly. “You wouldn’t be like this if you didn’t.”

Isabella looked away, biting her lip as she fought back tears. “I do care about him. But how can I be with someone who lives in that world? Someone who…” Her voice faltered. “Someone who could put me in danger?”

“You love him Bella you have to admit that and I've warned you before, but you can get through it slowly” Andria countered. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you he wouldn’t let you go that easily. Be alert and call the police if he tries to force himself on you.”

Isabella felt a swell of emotion at her friend’s words. She wanted to believe that, but the reality of Matteo's life, the violence, the secrets—it all loomed over her like a dark cloud. “Loving him isn’t enough,” she whispered. “I can’t live in fear.”

The days passed slowly, and each time Isabella entered the hospital, she found herself glancing at the entrance, half-hoping to see Matteo walk through the doors. He hadn’t come back since that night, and she missed him fiercely, even though her heart told her she should be moving on.

One evening, while she was finishing her shift, she heard a familiar voice echoing down the hallway. “Bella!”

Her heart raced as she turned to see Carter approaching, a concerned expression on his face. “Hey, I wanted to check on you. I know things have been rough.”

She forced a smile, although it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m okay, really.”

Carter studied her for a moment, his gaze searching. “You’re not okay. I can see it. You need to talk about it.”

Isabella sighed, feeling a mix of annoyance and gratitude. “I don’t want to burden you with my problems.”

“You’re not a burden,” he insisted. “Just…let me be there for you, alright?”

“I know,” Isabella whispered, her heart aching at the thought of Matteo.

Carter looked at her, his brow furrowed with concern. “Isabella, you deserve someone who can be there for you without the risks. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

Isabella felt a twinge of guilt as she saw the sincerity in his eyes. She appreciated his support, but her heart was still tethered to Matteo, and she didn’t know how to untangle those feelings.

“Thank you, Carter,” she said softly. “I appreciate it, truly.”

As they stood together in the quiet hallway, she felt a mix of gratitude and confusion. She needed to decide what she wanted moving forward—whether to fight for a love that seemed so dangerous or to let go and find stability in the chaos of her heart.

That night, after returning home, Isabella sat on her bed, her thoughts swirling. She pulled out her phone, hesitating before opening the messaging app. She could reach out to Matteo, but the fear of what that could mean held her back.

“Maybe I need to know how he’s doing,” she thought, her heart racing as she hovered over his name.

But just as she was about to press send, she caught her reflection in the window—a woman torn between love and self-preservation.

“What do I really want?” she whispered to herself, uncertain of the answer.

As the night deepened, Isabella wrestled with her emotions, feeling the weight of her choices pressing down on her like a suffocating blanket. She knew she had to confront her feelings soon—before they consumed her completely.