The Beached Whale

A World Without Vampires

The boy led me through the busy streets. He pointed to a stone shop, with a tremendously long line of people standing in front of it.

"Geez, that line is going to take hours," the boy said. "You better have a good plan, mister. I can't come home empty handed."

"Stay by my side."

I walked with the boy to the front of the line.

"Cutting? Your plan is just cutting in line? That won't work!"

The man at the front of the line yelled at me, "No cutting you prick! You got to wait like the rest of us!"

I stared into his soul. "You were just letting me go in front of you."

The man giggled, "You right. I was."

"How kind of you. Thank you."

The people behind him began to rabble, but none were brave enough to confront me. All seemed subdued by the despair of waiting in line for food.

I walked right up to a counter. A man stood behind grungy looking glass. He was dressed like those constables who'd shot me with their muskets. Curious. The constables also control the food. The military must be very prevalent in this society.

"What the hell happened to your face? It looks like a soggy shaved ass."

What happened to manners?

I didn't hold back on this one. I locked eyes and spoke in my most sultry voice. "That was rude of you, wasn't it?"

The constable went cross-eyed. "It was."

"Say you're sorry."

"Please. Forgive me."

"See, manners aren't so hard. Now, give us your finest food. A double order as an apology."

"Ration please."

"I already gave them to you. Have you misplaced them already?"

The constable felt around his pockets, and looked at his feet. "I did."

"Not very smart, are you?"

"No."

"Hurry up and give us the food."

The man moved slowly, caught in a stupor. He grabbed two parcels and handed them over.

"Everyone else in this line has already given you rations as well. You will give them food for no charge, and you will thank them."

I turned away from the counter. There, just above the door, was a large painting. There was no mistaking that face; it was Lord Umber. Atop the painting in blocky letters was written, "Enjoy your food." And at the bottom, "Thank Governor Umber." They had painted him a tanner shade, to make him look more human. His eyes seemed to pop out of the painting and followed me as I walked.

Whatever manner of government this fortress had, Lord Umber was the head of it. Did these people know? Their kingdom was ruled by a craven vampire?

I was glad. I was prepared to hunt to the ends of the earth to find Umber, and now I knew he was in the city.

The boy grabbed the two packages of food. He was so excited he could barely contain it. "How did you do that?! That guy was practically drooling when you talked to him! Can you teach me to do that?"

"You might be able to do that. If you remember your manners. Now, take me to your residence."

The boy practically skipped through the streets. His tower was far away, some thirty minutes of slowly walking behind him.