Qurban

•01• Lonesome / تنہا

"موت کی تمنا جائز تو نہیں ہے
لیکن اب زندگی بھی گزاری نہیں جاتی۔۔۔۔"

The sky was still basked in the residue of the sun that shone brightly for hours straight before hiding behind the clouds. Different shades of yellow and orange painted the sky in a plethora of stunning picture. The birds were chirping and the leaves on the trees rustled as the wind played with them adding more allure to the romantic atmosphere. However, it posed no big deal to her as she sat on a chair in the balcony.

The pure white colour of her suit was shining in the yellowish haze as her brownish honey tendrils waved in the air. A flimsy chaddar was wrapped around her shoulders as Zainab sat there silently, eyes trained in front of her, but not really looking. The wind kissed her skin and the chirping intensified as if the birds were talking to her, but she didn't even budge. The beauty in front of her didn't appease her. It didn't allure her like it once used to do. On the contrary, she felt nothing. Not even a slight bit of excitement.

Absolutely zero emotions.

The view before her could be written as the most stunning in the world and yet she would disagree. In her eyes, everything was dull, boring and lost all its charms. It had become ordinary now.

She was enjoying her solace or maybe she was just existing when the door to her room knocked. She heard the interruption in her fantasy loud and clear, but she never said a word. She knew what would happen. It was a routine now.

The sound of the wheels rolling on the floor didn't phase her. She kept gazing aimlessly at the sky as the middle aged woman approached her with a trolley loaded with food.

"Have some breakfast, Zainab Bibi."

She heard the woman and only bobbed her head in acknowledgement. The woman pursed her lips, but chose not to say anything. She quietly left her to her own devices, shutting the door with a soft click. Zainab was once again left alone. She didn't know how long it passed until the door to her room opened again. She heard the paddling of footsteps as the figure leaned near her.

"You haven't eaten anything? Why, my love?"

Jaweria's soft voice penetrated in her ears and her head bobbed in her direction. Plastering a fake smile on her lips, she shook her head and grabbed a small piece of bread. She put it in her mouth and chewed slowly before speaking to her

"I did."

Jaweria's eyes softened and her heart constricted at the show the girl before her so effortlessly put up.

"Come on, I'll make you eat with my own hands."

Zainab only smiled. Fakely. She stopped smiling truly ages ago and she knew she could never go back to the way she was.

"Here, finish this whole tray."

Jaweria held the morsel in front of her mouth and made sure she ate every food that was on the tray. Zainab didn't complain, instead she obliged and gulped everything down.

Of course, she hated to see the people around her sad or disappointed because of her, so she knew if she act normal, they'll leave her alone. She knew she was on a destructive path, but, well

She wasn't complaining now, was she?
.........................

The door to Zainab's room knocked again for the second time in the span of an hour. She tilted her head from her position from the balcony where she was sat for more than three hours. The maid who brought her food poked her head inside and called out to her