Qurban

•04• Disappointed / مایوس

Zainab's entire form shook as the tremors of the nightmare shook her body. Her breathing got rugged and her heart felt like it wound jump right out of her chest. Her body was covered in sweat from head to toe. Throwing the blanket away, she curled her knees to her chest and dropped her head on her knees wrapping her arms around herself to provide non existent support and comfort. She's been frequently having nightmares after Hammad's death.

This one was same too.

She was lost in a dark, dark abyss. She was either running or walking, she never knew. What she knew was that she felt scared. Not slightly scared. She was fully terrified of the idea of being lost in that darkness forever. She remembered shouting for Hammad. Wishing he would pull her out of the hellhole. His hand never came. His voice never reached her ears. His warmth never touched hers and calmed her. Instead, she fell deeper into the darkness, the terrifying abyss and finally lost her way.

Goosebumps arose on her arms as she reminisced the bits of her nightmare. Sinking deeper into the bed, she inhaled and exhaled loudly out of her nose. Trying to stabilize her erratic heartbeat. Trying to hold onto the rope of reality. Gripping it tight to stay in the reality. Right in the moment. In what's real.

But there was a small, very small thought in her mind that was relieved to finally have been lost in the abyss. At least she wouldn't have to live in a word where Hammad was no more. She didn't know what was on the other side, but there might be a possibility that there was him. Waiting for her at the other end. Smiling widely at her like he usually did. With his eyes crinkling and lips thinning.

A tear rolled down her eye before many followed. And then she only cried for may be the billionth time again.

She cried.
*****************

The sunlight coming from the huge windows was what made Zainab flutter her eyes open. Adjusting to the bright light, she moved a little and hissed. She didn't know when sleep came to her last night after the nightmare but she must have fallen asleep in a bad composure because her neck and back were hurting. Straightening her spine, she stretched her neck a bit feeling the tight muscles loosen a bit. Standing up from the bed, she made her way inside the bathroom. The lit up mirror on the wall reflected her form back to her and she stopped. Pasting her eyes on the mirror, on her own self looking back directly at her from the mirror, she realized one thing.

She didn't recognize herself anymore.

She was the same woman in features. Same brown eyes, same straight nose, same full cheeks that were very hollow and the same pair of lips. She was the same woman and yet she was not. In ways that were not understandable to her and others.

Averting her eyes, she stepped into the shower and took a nice long warm shower. Following her routine, she went inside the closet and came out dressed in a simple light yellow suit. Letting her hair dry in air, she lightly pinned them to the side in a half up do and descended downstairs. She rarely went downstairs voluntarily. Often, it would be someone from the house to come and call her down the stairs and she would oblige. It was different that day. She needed some distractions. Her mind was a dangerous place and though she loved staying there half her time, she just needed some time out from her personal hell.

Almost like she needed some dose of energy's before roaming the pits of hell again.

The aroma of breakfast wafted in her nostrils and her feet took her to the kitchen on their own accord. In the kitchen, worked her step mother and some maids. All busy in getting the breakfast done and ready on time. She silently entered and greeted them

"Asalamoaliukm."

Jaweria's head turned at her voice and her face was a reflection of her surprise. A tiny seed of warmth planted itself in Zainab's chest at the smile that Jaweria gave to her and she started helping out the women. The dishes cluttered, the noises of utensils and the hissing of stove, it all took Zainab's mind away from her nightmare. Although a tinge of fear still resided in her heart. After getting the breakfast ready, she helped set the table.