BE ON CLOUD Masterpieces~A Snippet Collection

BOC Snippet 06-Dead Friends Forever-Regret After Last Sight (PheeNon)

BOC Snippet

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Phee's POV 

 You will be surprise how many underage teens like me are actually using the dating app, no, matching app I was using. Kids with raging hormones, looking for temporary release like the adults. Not exactly healthy but hey, kids like us gets away with anything because...we can? I guess. 

I may be young but if I have to brag, I must say I am pretty experienced for my age. I had experience with both girls and boys, some from seniors, some juniors but I definitely am more attracted to cute boys. It just made me want to protect them. I guess this was a trait I inherited from my policeman father. The desire to protect. 

That's what I felt when I first met Non. I half expected to be cat fished to be honest. Or worse, meet up some dirty old geezer trying to score underage kids. It was common, it was the risk anyway using any adult apps. I knew that long ago, that's why I always chose to meet at public places that I can run away from if I don't like what I see. It's better to be safe than sorry. 

I have been chatting with Non online for the past few months. He was the only one I chatted to the longest before meeting up. There was always an air of mystery about him even if we have never met before. He knew words to keep me hanging, keep me wanting, keep me longing. Sounds poetic but for real. 

His profile picture was of a cute boy so I was really looking forward to meeting him in real life. It took a while asking him out on a date. Not his fault really. We both had exams back to back and then he told he was busy with script writing for some school project (which explains why he was good with words to keep me on the edge of my seat). We had to wait until the school holidays term to start before we could meet up. 

We finally did, at our local cinema. Safety still comes first. I was really pleased when the person who appeared and waited for me looked exactly like the photo he posted. No, in fact, Non was more adorable in real person. He has thick lips and big eyes and a smaller build than mine. When he smiled, he was just so adorable. 

I didn't realize then I have fallen love at sight with Non at that moment. 

We were really happy spending time together. At least, I was. I have never felt so strongly about anyone else. Not the girls or boys who tried to flirt and court me. But with Non, there was something about him that wanted me to be there for him all the time. 

Non was a pretty quiet person. I thought it would take a while for him to open up to me. It was ironic that while happened real quick. We went all the way on our second date and we can't keep our hands off each other since. In bed, we were pretty compatible with each other. From what we had, I definitely wasn't his first. I didn't mind. We agreed to be friends with benefits even though I wanted to be more. Non was always reluctant to discuss the topic of a relationship. Gradually, I learned enough about him. I had to gather these information bit by bit though, as I said, he wasn't someone who will talk about himself. We can talk about anything in the world but himself. He probably knew more about me and my ancestors than me knowing about him. 

I knew about his smart older brother studying overseas, how his parents were too busy working supporting said brother to pay attention to him. How he was hurt by his previous boyfriend. How he was bullied in class and the only fun he has was reading and writing. He said writing was his way of immersing himself and the one thing he couldn't give up. I wonder if I could be someone he could never give up on too. I can only hope. 

The last time I finally succeeded in pestering him to be my boyfriend, I was so happy. Thinking back, he never actually said yes. He just smiled but that was enough for me. That was the sign telling me he was allowing me deeper into his heart. I wanted to win his heart eventually. 

Then the suicide attempt happened. I have never been so scared in my life, receiving the call from him calling me to rescue him. I can't imagine what would happen if I didn't pick up that call or if I made it late. When he told me everything he was going through, I felt like a total loser. 

I can't protect Non even when I told him I will. I hated that feeling. I got him out of the first mess with the bank accounts. I was too naïve to think that will be the end of it until dad told me to stay out of it. Maybe that was why Non couldn't come to me. I was unreliable. Maybe that was why he went to that teacher of his. 

I knew. It wasn't that hard to notice when Non has a change of heart. I was the one hanging on with hope. With hope that he would eventually choose me. 

He didn't. I can't explain the pain I felt when I caught Non with his teacher. That was after the clip of them getting at it spread around like wild fire. I even thought it was some kind of deep fake. I got someone to check. It wasn't an edited video. The video coupled with seeing Non with that teacher...well...all I felt was rage and pain. Rage and pain that Non chose someone else but me. 

Pain that I wasn't the one Non loves in the end. Rage that after all I have done for Non, this was how he repaid me. But you know what? Non begged me and tried assuring me he still loves me. I was conflicted. I wanted to believe but his confession contradicted everything that he was doing right up until that point. 

I pushed him away. I told him to go to hell. I threw away the bracelet I got for us. I cut him out of my life. So I thought. My fury of that moment made me said everything that I would regret later. I never knew the afternoon I told him to go to hell was the last I would ever see Non again. 

He disappeared from my life. Vanished. 

No matter how I get my dad to try to find him, there was no trace of him anywhere. No one knew where he was. No knew what happened to him. His stupid parents and friends at school knew nothing. It was as if Non never existed. 

It was as if Non's existence was a dream. 

It hurt. It still hurts now. I wish I could take back what I have said to him. I wish I stayed and try to figure out things with him but I knew now that I will never ever have the chance. 

Even now, I still long for Non. 

I still love Non. 

That, will never change. 

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