DESOLATION

12, Steven - Empty.

As soon as i hear the door shut i clutch onto my shoulder, the pain is too much to handle by now. I feel dizzy with it, mixed with the waves of the cold heat flashing over my body. I can feel hot tears pricking at my eyes, practically burning my ice cold skin as they slide down my cheeks. I'm crying, how weak of me. My blurry eyes scan the room around me, taking in how small it is. The short desk in the corner of the room, a bed placed randomly in another. It's so empty here, so cold, so so cold... I kneel down on the floor and lay to curl into a ball. I'm shivering like a leaf. I can hear my blood rushing in my ears, my heart pounding. The throb of my shoulder makes me feel uneasy, mixed with light chittering from all around me. It makes my blood run cold, not again. This cannot be happening again.

I shut my eyes tight, I cannot deal with this right now. I do not have the ability to deal with their tormenting right now. I do it want to hear their voice in my head, the way they speak with such mocking warmth sends shivers down my spine.

    "Oh, poor poor you Steven... Whatever will you do, hm?"

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.

        "Thats no way to greet a friend, is it?"

GET OUT OF MY HEAD ZERO.

            "I cannot. I am you."

    Those simple words. Three simple words, enough to make me feel sick. They are not me. I am not them. Why are they here. Why must they torment me like this. Not when I am feeling this way, I will not allow it. I cover my ears, I'm trembling. I cannot remember the last time I felt so weak, so small. I wish Quincy was here.

    This single thought shocks me. Why would I ever want something I do not need. Let alone a person. Zero speaks up again, "You like him." this repulses me. I have stopped shaking. The pain in my shoulder is slowly subsiding. The thought of liking someone, let alone the same as me, thats... wrong on so many levels. I sit up, ignoring Zero's words to me.

It goes against so many rules in the book, liking people that is. Youre allowed to like people, just not like people. Its against the rules of HERO's original plan. Our village, Ethellia, is an orphans home. I, myself, am an orphan. I was not born in Ethellia, I was dropped off there. We take people in and teach them the ways of HERO. Its a simple act, really.

The book kept us in line, kept us in place. Disobey the book, diobey HERO, and nobody disobeyed HERO. I was a top priest, top brewer. I had skills like no other, but my appearance dropped me to third chair of the priest lines. The sharp teeth, against HERO. The multicolor skin, paler in other places, against HERO. Just for existing as I am I had to work harder to prove my devotion to HEROBRINE, I cannot help who I am.

I jump out of my thoughts when I hear the sound of yelling, their arguing over if I stay or not again. At this point I would rather they leave me to die, I am of no use here other than to brew potions for them. But even then it is not a hard skill, it is simple. It sounds as though Stace is trying to mediate again, how pitiful. He knows he could never stop those two from bickering back and forth, they clash personalities too much.

My cheek is flat against the cold stone floor, the black of my eyelids all I can see, I just listen. I let the sound of there voices wash over me in waves.
"He cant stay Quincy, I dont know what to tell you! Hes a danger to us all!"
She seems so insistant of it, so sure. How can she be so sure I would hurt them? I wouldnt dare, I do not harm people. I take a deep breath and relax myself, I cant let my emotions get the best of me in this situation.
"But Lauren- you wouldnt just leave him to die, would you?"

Sticking up for me, he shouldnt but he does. How can I myself be so sure I will not harm them? I've been changing, I can feel the change, it makes me nervous. There's a dead silence that falls over the cave, Lauren would just let me die, wouldnt she.

"Lets vote then, who says Steven stays."

Quincy again, his voice is firm. I open my eyes and move to stand up, my limbs feel tense, heavy. I stumble over on weak legs shakey legs to the iron door of my quarters, its got a scratch on it from when I turned in here once. Nobody knows about that. nobody will know about that. I would be kicked out for it.

I open the door to see hesitance, all except Tesia, she has her hand raised high, a determined look on her face. It surprises me slight but I dont show it. They dont notice me standing there, silently watching them from just outside my door. Stace's hand hesitantly goes up, slow as a snail the others follow, a huff of disbelief leaves Lauren.

"So you all are fine with just probably getting killed by that thing?!"

That hurts, I feel a sharp pain in my chest, its spreading, and I cannot stop it. I turn around to go back to the room, but my leg twists weird, and it sends a shot of pain through my body, I give a quiet harsh curse under my breath, Lauren hears. She's striding over to me the instant she see's me, everyone turns to see me hunched over a little, hand to my chest, it burns, but it feels so cold. I can feel my eyes straining, theyre turning white again, it must be linked to how I feel.

I bring my gaze away from Lauren as she finally gets close enough to me to stare me down. I cant hear the words that come out of her mouth, her lips moving but no sound reaches me. My ears are ringing deafly loud, drowning out any other sound other than the blood pumping in my veins and the beating of my heart.

Everything seems to slow down for a second, I can feel my lungs, my intestines, everything. I gag, I hate this, they can all see me so vulnerable right now. My hand comes up to grab at the door, anything to escape there gaze. My hand fumbles for the handle, I finally find it, the ringing of my ears stops and I hear wilo's gentle voice.

"Are you okay..?"

Three simple words but they strike me deep to my core, I ignore them and just move on to open the door, stumbling into the room. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath, this pain, it is deep. I let myself slide down to the ground, back pressed against the cool metal. I cover myself in my shawl and just lay there, a small whimper leaves me, I hate this. I feel so small, so weak.