Beyond us (all of us #3) 18+

T E N

D I E S E L

Past

Dear April,

Sometimes I wish I was normal.

"Open," I speak the words in a small room so silent. Well, silent besides the music thumping and rattling the walls surrounding us.

Makenna's lips part half a second later, staring up at me from her knees. My thumb runs over her lower lip, pink and plump--and slimy with that shiny shit she globs over them all day. She looks like she's been making out with the greasy cafeteria pizza.

Her green eyes lifted up at me. Waiting. Watching.

Watching me frown at my sticky fingertips as I rub the cherry scented goo together before wiping them off on the front pocket of my hoodie.

I wish I didn't get bored so quickly.

I wish that everything wasn't so dissatisfying. That I wasn't always trying to fill a bottomless pit with whatever's in front of me.

Whoever's in front of me.

She grips my wrist and pulls my hold from her jaw with more force than needed, picking herself up from the tile with a scoff.

I drag in a breath and let my head rest against the wall, watching as she pivots to the sink and digs around in the tiny brown designer backpack she'd set there when we first came in. It's one of many I've noticed.

Just like the endless amount of brand name shoes she has. Some the same exact style as the last pair, but a different color.

And what's the point in that? Having things just for the sake of it. 

But I guess that's one of the few things we do have in common.

She tucks a shorter chunk of her long, ginger hair behind her ear, exposing tiny gold hoops that hang from her lobes.

"You know, you really should stop smoking so much." She leans towards the sink and reapplies the same shimmering gloss.

"You really should stop wearing so much make up."

She scoffs, setting her hands down on the counter and turning so her back is to the mirror leaving us face to face. "Do you even like me, Diesel?"

It's a loaded question, but not one I wasn't familiar with.

"Do you?" She echos, a slightly bolder expression on her face.

Maybe that's just an attempt at hiding the tears broiling under her lids, but I still see them. Glossing over, piercing into me so forcefully I could probably feel them if I wasn't in outer space.

"I mean, just be honest at this point." Her shoulders lazily jump half an inch. "I know when we hang out it's all sex, but do you like me? Can you ever see yourself with me, like for real? Boyfriend and girlfriend...me and you? Because if not, we have to stop this."

I huff out a small laugh, and not that I meant to. Not that I ever really mean to do half the shit I impulsively do, it just came out of me. The way a tickle in the throat makes you cough, I chuckle in her face and see her eyes water before she drops her head.

"Asshole." Her quivering lips sparkle under the bright bathroom light. "This is funny to you? Really?"

I sigh, my shoulders slumping back. "No, it's not...funny, Mak. I just-"

"You just what? What?"

My tongue probes at that annoying wisdom tooth coming in as I search for any explanation that isn't the truth.