Born To Die

SCOTT

Thought I'll try something new

Scott's POV

I drove back home, taking the longer way home. I want in any hurry to get back home. If anything I wanted to avoid having to go back.
  I pulled up into the driveway forcing myself to get out and up to the door. I slowly opened it walking in quietly.
  "Scott is that you?" She asked me.
"Yeah mom its me.." I answered, gently closing the door behind me.
  She was sitting there staring at the blank TV screen. She smiled as I came in her view.
  "How was school?" She asked.
I sat down beside her, smiling.
"Good..." I answered.
She smiled back turning her attention back to the screen.
I frowned, "Mom?" I slowly went to touch her shoulder.
She jumped away from me, looking at back at me with fear.
"Mom its okay its me. Remember Scott your son?"
  She looked back at me, quickly smiling and nodding her head yes.
"How was school?" She asked again.
  I told her what I told her before, knowing she didn't remember what I told her. She gently rubbed my arm and turned back to the tv screen.
Thus angered me, "Mom there's nothing on. STOP IT." I said louder than I meant to.
But she didn't budged. My dad came from upstairs glaring at me.
"What are you doing Scott?! Leave your mother alone!" He demanded.
I got up from the couch pushing passed him and up the stairs. I slammed my bedroom door, running my hands through my hair. She wasn't getting any better and he keeps her here, as if there isn't anything wrong with her. I picked up whatever was in reach and threw it against my wall. The object fell and broke to pieces.
  "Scott?" My dad asked coming in.
He looked at the broken object then at me.
"You have to understa-"
  "I don't want to hear it I already know what your going to say. She's not getting any better. And you act as if you can't see it." I told him cutting him off.
I sat on my bed putting my head into my callused hands.
"Don't beat yourself up... It's not your fault your hear me."
  I looked up at him my eyes in the verge of tears. I never cried in front of my dad let alone anyone else. I wasn't going to start today.
"Whatever... I just want to be alone today... Can I?"
He gave me a sadden look. He was going to say something but my mom began screaming. He sighed and left closing the door.
  I got up from my bed and watched from the stairs what was happening. She was crying now, him holding her in his arms. Whispering to her. He slowly rocked her back and forth telling her everything was okay.
  I frowned and went back, remembering what Marcus told me about recording ourselves. So I did just that.
  
  God how does he do this? I thought trying to figure out the camera on my laptop. I finally got it to work. Thinking if I should really do this.
  "Uh... I don't really know how to start these. Do I say hi or something? Sigh this is stupid I'm not even talking to anyone." I heard my parents walking up the stairs.
  I watched the door for a moment before returning to the screen.
  "I'm going to do it... Um... My name is Scott Hawkings. I'm sixteen years old..." I said looking down at my lap.
  "Everyone percives me as the guy whose always happy, the one who is great at everything he does. I'm supposed to be that one guy in highschool who plays on the football team, has the amazing girlfriend, and a great life. But that nothing like me. I-i-i can't even tell my friends let alone my girlfriend what's going on at home. I should be grateful right? Having two patents who loves each other, I get good grades and a have a great older brother, friends who actually cares if I show up to school or not. I mean you would think! But I don't I don't feel grateful or even happy with my life. My mom is schizophrenic, she attacked me once because she said that they told her to. She has these thoughts that people are actually talking to her, AND WHO KNOWS I mean maybe someone is. But I just can't take it anymore. I'm stuck living two lives, the one I show my friends and girlfriend, and the one I try desperately to hide. But it keeps seaping through... It's too much for me to handle. And my dad scoff  he keeps her here in the house not wanting to believe that she's crazy and needs help."
  I began to cry the tears blurring my vision.
  "I never cry in front anyone this is a first ha. I have to stay strong you know... Live to tell a story... I pray every night to God that I won't end up like her. Have a normal life with a normal family... Guess that's why they call it dream."
I looked back up at the screen feeling things I couldn't explain I hated it. It made me feel too vulnerable.