Can't spell suicide without u and i together

Is there room on the lifeboat for two?

Mcnamara pov

I looked down at the orange bottle. Heather Duke's voice filling my ears saying that I wasn't going to do it. Was it a figment of my imagination or was that all she wanted to do to me? In front of me it feels that everyone who's gone before me stood guiding my hand to my mouth. They're beckoning me on. If Heather, Kurt and Ram think it's better dead then maybe it is. They voice circling around my head.

'Come on Heather. Don't be such a pussy. Ugh also that such an uncool way to go. At least mine was painful' Heather Chandler remarked making me feel like I couldn't even commit suicide the right way.

'Yeah Heather, it's so much better here. We can do whatever or whoever we want and there no one who will stop us.' Kurt exclaimed. I don't know if he means any gender or that he would be able to fuck me as much as he wants.

'You know what? I'll help' Ram smirked guiding the pill bottle with his ghostly hand. This was it. I'm going to do it. They were my mom's pills. I guess even with death I can't escape the shadow that my mom has laid for me.

I tip my head up allowing all the pills to enter my mouth. I'm about to swallow when I hear someone.

'Heather, no!' Veronica cried out. She knocks me which sends most of the pills flying out my mouth. The rest that was in there, Veronica scooped out until there was just a pool of pills and drool on the floor.

'Suicide is a private thing!' I exclaim not thinking I would be able to tell her the truth. I sank to my knees still coughing from the pills.

'Throwing your life away to become a statistic in the US fucking A today so they can print your picture under the headline 'troubled teen'- that's the least private thing I can think of'

'What about Heather and Kurt and Ram?' I asked. I'd prefer if I could just pick up the pills and shove down my throat so I can be done with this piece of crap people called world...yet something told me to wait. Something told me I need to listen.

'If everyone jumped off a bridge, young lady, would you?' I watched her come and sit next to me. I began to adjust my skirt and fidget.

'Probably' I began to space out. Not even I could tell if it was a joke or not.

'Hey now, if you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be human. You'd be a game show host.' Her hand reached out to hold mine. Mine were trembling. Hers were not. Mine were cold. Hers were warm. I smiled softly. Game show hosts always seemed so happy it was very unnerving. I looked out in front of me Heather Chandler, Kurt, Ram and everyone else who was begging me to commit was gone. No one else was in the room except me and Veronica.

'Thanks for coming after me' I finally looked up at her eyes. Her hazel eyes were beautiful and for once. Everything was quiet. The storm. The waves, the lifeboat. Gone. I felt safe with her. I felt at peace. Maybe the lifeboat just got a bit bigger. I rested my head on her shoulder. I closed my eyes ready for when I will open them up again with her.