Can't spell suicide without u and i together

You also look good whilst you do it

-----McNamara's Pov

I entered the gym with a plastic smile on my face. I hoped to the dead that no one on my cheerleading squad knew. There was an upcoming pep rally, and we had to be sharp for it. If I had killed myself then my team would've been lost. Who am I kidding they would've just replaced me. We began to chant. I heard the beginning but after that... all muffled but I kept in time. I had to. It was the least that I could do. I saw JD looking depressed. I wondered what his issue was. He looked up at Martha dumptruck. I didn't actually remember her last name. I did feel bad about it. She looked crushed when he walked out. The chant ended and from what I could hear it sounded good. I led them all to the changing rooms. I got changed yet I couldn't hear anything. I stood and watched everyone having their own conversations. They looked so happy without needing to talk to me. Do they like talking to me? Do they hate talking to me? Everyone had walked out leaving me and my stuff. Alone. I felt numb. I grabbed me pencil case and headed into the bathroom part of the changing room. Grabbing my sharpener and my ruler, I broke the razor. I sat on the grubby floor and pulled down my sock. I began to slice and slice and slice. I needed to feel something. Anything. Blood drew in perfect line. My ankle was covered in cuts and blood. I heard footsteps outside and sprang into the cubicle. I had to leave some droplets of blood on the floor. I threw the broken blade into the bin and grabbed some tissues. I started cleaning up all the blood.

'Hey, you need a tampon or something?' A voice outside said with a bit off a chuckle to it. It was Veronica's.

'N-no. Don't worry' I chuckled back. I cleaned up most of the blood however it was still coming out but less.

'Oh, hey Mac.' Her voice sounded Chirpy now she knew it was me. I broke into a small smile. I loved that nickname because I felt it gave me my own person. I wasn't just a Heather, and I wasn't just my family's name or legacy. I was me. I wrapped my ankle with tissue and pulled my sock up. Most of the bleeding had stopped. I flushed the toilet and walked out of the cubicle.

'Hi, Veronica.' I chirped giving her a smile. 'I was just about to head to math. Would you like to come with?' She seemed distant.

'Yeah, wait here and once I'm out, we can go' She added a smile on the end however it seemed...fake.

'Okay' I beamed hoping my positive attitudes would rub off on her and hide the horrendous acts I have been doing. Whilst waiting for Veronica, I walked on my foot to make sure it wasn't painful at all. It wasn't. Thankfully.

She opened the door and smiled at the fact that I was still there. It seemed genuine this time.

We began talking about our plans after school. She wanted to go to college and get a good paying job. She wanted to be able to sustain herself. Weirdly, she didn't mention JD at all. I expected it to come up at least once nevertheless it didn't

'What about you Mac?' Veronica asked. I stared at her.

'I don't know. My dad wants me to carry on the business. Mum wants me to be a cheerleader, but I don't want to do any of that...I don't even like cheerleading.' I rambled.

'huh, I thought you did like it? You look like your always having fun. You also look good whilst you do it.' She smirked. I felt the blush enter my cheeks.

'Yeah, it was what my mom wanted not me to do it. Follow in her footsteps and all that.' I replied. We didn't get to finish our conversation as we got to our math class.

We went to Math, and it was incredibly boring. I would so prefer to be playing croquet with Veronica. Luckily afterwards it was break, we went over to the stairs and just sat there. We laughed and we gossiped, and I was enjoying every second until Heather Duke walked past us.