Melody

4

The next few days passed without much distinction from each other. Vincent worked the mornings away and spent his evenings at the Dianigian, though he found himself drinking less and less every night. Every morning he took the pill, and each night he seemed to sleep better than the last. Before long, another week had come and gone.
Vincent found himself arriving to work early one morning, when Belfast intercepted him by his locker again.
-Well, this is an unexpected sight, Belfast said in a patronizing tone, tapping the face of his wrist watch. Vincent shrugged, unamused. "I won't bother you long, just keep in mind that if you've decided you would like to take some overtime after all, this is your chance." Vincent nodded absently. Not appearing confident that he would get any more of a response, Belfast began to turn away again. Vincent exhaled sharply.
-Why not? He said. Belfast met his eye again, with genuine surprise in his expression.
-Are you sure about that? How much do you think you can handle? Vincent shrugged.
-Whatever you've got left is fine, he said. "Like you said, if anyone's got the time to spare it's me, right?" Belfast ran his fingers across his balding scalp, as if not sure what to say.
-Are you feeling ok Vincent?
-I feel fine, he said. Vincent closed his locker again and brushed past Belfast toward the coffee maker to pour himself a cup.

***

Jefferson invited him out for drinks again that weekend. He seemed to be growing more and more fond of Vincent as of late. Vincent wasn't at all certain why, he wasn't particularly kind or entertaining, but he accepted the company regardless. They headed downtown again. Upon their arrival, Jefferson busied himself dancing and buying drinks for girls much too young for him. Vincent didn't linger around the club long, opting instead to go walking down the empty streets. He vaguely remembered the directions toward Melody's apartment complex and found himself walking toward it without any real consideration. When he arrived there, Melody was already out front, smoking a cigarette on the pavement. She recognized him immediately and waved him over. It was strange, Vincent barely knew the girl, and yet, he felt she was the only person in his life with whom he felt truly comfortable.
-I was wondering when I'd be seeing you again, she said. Melody handed him a cigarette and they smoked in silence with one another. Then after a while, Melody invited him back upstairs. She poured him a drink, but he didn't have much interest in drinking tonight, twirling it absentmindedly in his hand.
-You're still taking the pill I see, she remarked. Vincent nodded.
-Alcohol is less of a necessity when your mind isn't spiraling all the time, he admitted. Melody smiled, sipping her wine.
-It's probably for the best. But for tonight we should drink, I can't remember the last time I've had company who didn't stare at me like their newest conquest. Vincent smirked and took a sip from his glass. He felt strange staring at her now, as if she were an entirely new person to him. Standing in her lacy nightgown he could make out the outline of her naked body, with her low collar and long legs, but he'd have felt no different if she was bundled up in a thick coat, it was only skin.
They drank the night away, talking about trivial things and listening to one record after the next. Melody poured out a second glass, then a third, and before long Vincent could feel his cheeks beginning to flush. He realized that he hadn't been truly drunk in over a week, ever since he'd started taking the pill. It was by no means a great deal of time, but to him it was entirely unordinary. Melody had grown quite intoxicated too, laughing unashamedly and slurring her words at times.
-I want to show you something, she said. Vincent furrowed his brow, confused.
-What is it? She grabbed him by the hand, leading him to sit beside her on the bed.
-Do you trust me? She asked in cryptic tones. Vincent nodded.
-Of course. Melody smiled, then guided his hands to her sides, sliding her gowns up around her hips between his fingers. He gave her a quizzical look.
-It's alright, she reassured him. He followed the motion, pulling the dress off over her head. He could see the outline of her ribs beneath her pale skin with every shallow breath. Her hands remained fixed around his as she let them fall against her stomach. He could feel all the ridges of the thick scars on her body. It was only then that he'd noticed how fresh some of the wounds were, as if brand new. Melody closed her eyes, breathing deeply as his fingers ran the length of the scar tissue, as if it was an exciting feeling. Vincent dawned a disturbed look.
-Who did this to you? He asked. She met his eye again.
-Even in the absence of sex, we all still seek pleasure in one way or another, right? Vincent drew his hands away from her.
-Melody... I don't think... This is not pleasing... She sighed.
-I told you when we first met that we are not so different. You have your whiskey, I have this. She let her hand fall gently against his cheek. "It is no different really, at its core. Just another adrenaline fueled escape." Vincent shook his head.
-I don't know... I don't know if I can stomach this.
-I want only for someone to understand, she said. "I thought I could trust you to understand this." Vincent sighed, letting his hand fall against hers, still resting on his cheek.
-I thought that the pill was meant to help, to untether us from our proclivities. That's what you said, wasn't it? He asked. Melody glanced down at herself.
-It did at first... for a while... but you can't stay satisfied with stagnation forever. Vincent pulled away from her again.
-I don't know what to say... he said. Melody's eyes became glossy. She put her hand on Vincent's thigh.
-Try and understand... Vincent took a deep breath.
-I can try. A smile crept into the corner of Melody's lip. She leaned to kiss him on the cheek. She wrapped him in her arms, holding his body in close. Vincent felt confusion flooding his mind. He'd thought she could save him from himself, and yet in truth she was just as broken. "Why tell me about this?" He asked. Melody leaned in close enough to whisper.
-I want you to help me, she replied. She buried her face in his chest. "If you want to... If you think that's something you can do..." Vincent felt a lump forming in his stomach.
-Of course I want to... he muttered. "But what can I do?" She stared up at him, and for the first time, Vincent saw desperation behind her eyes.
-In truth, I feel so ashamedly alone sometimes, she confessed. "I miss the intimacy of shared pleasures." Vincent was not certain what she had meant by that. He couldn't imagine that she had any interest in being intimate with an old, ugly man like him. And besides, he was not certain he was capable of such a thing anymore.
-You are confusing me, he admitted.
-I'll show you, she said, letting go of him again. She moved across the bed to her side table and began rifling through the drawers. Vincent watched, growing continually uneasy. Finally, she pulled out a thin, sharp blade, like the kind a medical professional would use during a surgery, and all at once it became clear. Vincent stood up from the bed.
-Melody... I can't... Melody met his eye with a stubborn calmness.
-Don't worry, I want this, she said. She moved to sit in front of him and grabbed his hand, pressing his fingers around the hilt of the blade, drawing it in toward herself. The tip of the blade fell against her neck as she guided it gently down across her chest, as if caressing herself. Vincent leaned over top of her, blinded by the guilty excitement of the control. He shook his head.
-This is wrong, he muttered. Melody put her spare hand around the back of his neck, pulling him in closer to her.
-Please Vincent, she pleaded, "Do this for me." He took a deep breath, letting the blade come to rest in the cavity between her breasts. He tried to close his eyes, but he couldn't look away. He wished he could say it was difficult to allow himself the strength to pierce her skin, but once it had begun, it felt easy. The blade sank into her like butter and glided along the length of her breast bone with precision. Melody's body pulsated against him, and she moaned as if it was an erotic endeavor. Blood trickled down her torso in a thin stream on either side of the incision and Vincent felt he might become ill. His hand was coated in a scarlet splattering. He dropped the blade in utter disbelief of himself. Melody fell back into her sheets, gasping for breath. A smile widened across her face. Vincent could barely look at her, caught in total shock. She took his hand, and kissed him on his palm.
Vincent wished he could say that he had left after that and ran away in shame of himself. But he hadn't. He stayed and watched her stitch the wound in her mirror. They changed her sheets together, and he kissed her lips, still stained with blood. Vincent stayed the night, their naked bodies pressed up against one another, as he wondered how he would manage to continue living with himself by the time he arose the next morning.