Celestial Bonds- The Crown's Judgment (Book 5)

Chapter 13: The Enemy Within

Kian

The war room had emptied, leaving only silence and the remnants of tension. I lingered by the window, watching as Lira and Jax exchanged quiet words before they departed. There was a newfound strength between them, a unity that hadn't existed. It should have been comforting to see my most trusted advisor finding her footing amidst the chaos, but instead, it left me feeling hollow.

I turned away from the window, running a hand through my hair. My mind was still tangled in the conversation I had shared with Lyara. It had been anything but straightforward. We had spoken of strategy, duty, and the tenuous balance between our kingdoms. Yet underneath every word, the current of our unspoken feelings pulled at me, threatening to drag me under. And now, as I stood in the quiet room, the weight of my indecision pressed down like a heavy cloak.

Returning to my chambers, I closed the door behind me and sank onto the edge of the bed. My head dropped into my hands as I stared blankly at the floor, the past few days' events swirling in my mind. I had hoped that talking to Lyara might bring clarity and that hearing her voice would help me sort through the chaos in my heart. But instead, it had only left me more conflicted than ever.

What kind of leader am I? The thought gnawed at me, sharp and relentless. I was supposed to be the one guiding us through this crisis, the one making hard choices for the greater good. Yet here I was, caught in an emotional storm I had neither the strength nor the will to navigate. I had been raised to put duty above all else, to rule with an iron will, unclouded by the messiness of feelings. And now, I was failing at the very tenets I had built my life upon.

The memory of Lyara's gaze during our conversation flashed in my mind. There had been a vulnerability there, a flicker of something that echoed my turmoil. She had spoken to me not just as a leader or a ruler but as a person grappling with desires that clashed against her responsibilities. At that moment, I had felt our connection, the invisible thread that had always tied us together, pulling taut.

But with that connection came guilt—a deep, bone-chilling guilt that seeped into every part of me. Lira. The mere thought of her name brought shame crashing over me. She had been at my side for years through battles, diplomacy, and sleepless nights of planning and strategy. She was my rock, the one constant in an ever-shifting world. And I was betraying that loyalty.

What must she think of me now? I wondered, a bitter taste filling my mouth. I had seen it in her eyes, the quiet pain she tried so hard to mask. She was too composed, too selfless to voice her hurt, but I knew. I could see it in how her eyes darkened whenever Lyara's name was mentioned and how her posture stiffened when I avoided her gaze. I had always prided myself on being someone she could rely on, someone who would never let her down. And yet, here I was, tearing apart the foundation of what we had built.

My fists clenched at my sides as I wrestled with my cowardice. I wanted to make it right, to take back every unspoken word and every longing glance that had led us to this point. I wanted to hold on to Lira, to return to the simplicity we once had—a partnership forged in trust and shared purpose. But even as the thought crossed my mind, I knew I was lying to myself. Things would never be simple again. Not now, not with the storm that had been unleashed inside me.

I rose from the bed and began to pace the room, my heart pounding. There has to be a way through this. The rational part of me screamed for control and a plan to resolve this mess without sacrificing the alliances we had worked so hard to build. Yet, every path I considered led to loss. If I chose duty over my heart, I risked losing Lyara and causing a rift between Eltor and Terra. But if I followed my desires... I would break Lira, who had never wavered in her loyalty to me.

I moved to the window, leaning against the sill as I gazed into the twilight sky. Darkness was falling over the city, mirroring the shadows gathering inside me. The longer I hesitated, the more I feared losing everything. I had to decide.

But the decision wasn't as clear-cut as I had hoped. My feelings for Lyara were undeniable, like a fire that refused to be extinguished. I felt alive with her as if the crown's weight hadn't touched my shoulders so heavily. She was my equal, my match in every way, and in some corner of my heart, I had always known it. But that didn't make the reality of my situation any less devastating.

Lira's image filled my mind, as did her steady eyes and the silent strength she carried. How could I abandon that? How could I turn my back on the woman who had been with me through every trial and sacrificed so much for our kingdom? The guilt was suffocating, wrapping around my chest and squeezing until I could hardly breathe.

I forced myself to take a deep breath, to push back the rising tide of emotions. There was no use in wallowing in my self-pity. I had responsibilities and choices that had to be made. And no matter how much it tore at me, I needed to confront the truth.

Slowly, I turned away from the window, the resolve settling into my bones. I couldn't delay this any longer. I owed Lira honesty and owed it to myself to face what lay between Lyara and me. The days of avoiding and pretending everything was fine were over. Tomorrow, I would speak to Lira and find a way to tell her the truth.

But even as I made that promise to myself, a flicker of fear twisted in my gut. What if there was no right answer? What if, by making this choice, I lost everything that mattered to me? I shoved the thought aside. I couldn't afford to think that way. Not now.

I crossed the room and stood by the door, my hand resting on the handle. The corridor beyond was quiet, the palace cloaked in the stillness of night. I took one last steadying breath, the decision like a weight on my shoulders. This was the path I had chosen, the one I had to walk, no matter where it led. And tomorrow, I will begin to take the first steps down that road.

With that thought, I opened the door and stepped out, leaving behind the safety of my chamber and the comfort of indecision. The path ahead was uncertain, fraught with consequences I couldn't yet foresee. But I would face it, no matter how much it hurt. For Lira. For Lyara. And for myself.

I walked down the corridor, my footsteps echoing against the stone walls as if marking each step closer to an uncertain future. The palace felt unnervingly quiet, the silence that made every breath and heartbeat sound louder. I pushed forward, ignoring the voice in my head urging me to turn back, to keep avoiding the inevitable.

But I couldn't turn back. Not anymore.

As I neared the war room, I paused, the door slightly ajar. Light spilled out, mingling with the shadows in the hallway. I could hear faint voices inside, and one of them was unmistakably hers. Lira. I swallowed hard, the weight of what I was about to do pressing down on my chest. She deserved the truth, even if it shattered everything we had built.

With a deep breath, I stepped forward, pushing the door open. It was time to face what lay ahead.