[English] ~𝒟𝒶𝓇ℯ 𝓉ℴ 𝒟𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓂~ Kenma x OC

Chapter 25: Between Grief and Reality

A/N: This chapter will deal with death and grief. Please decide for yourself whether you feel able to deal with this sensitive topic :)

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The next morning I woke up with a queasy feeling. Tired, I rubbed my eyes. My heart was pounding like crazy. I quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed my clothes. Then I slipped into the bathroom and got ready.

On the way down I met Osamu. He yawned a lot. "Good morning Izy." 

I smiled at him. "Morning Samu. Did you sleep well?" 

He stretched and then nodded. Together we continued our way to the kitchen. Aunt Kazuko had already prepared breakfast. 

"Good morning you two! Please start with breakfast already, we want to stop by the shrine before going to the graveyard so we need to hurry a bit." 

My uncle was already sitting at the dining table. He waved to us and then immersed himself in his newspaper again. Osamu and I grabbed a small bowl of rice and then sat down next to each other on the comfortable bench. My aunt ran into the hallway. 

"Miya Atsumu, get your butt ready for breakfast, but quickly! We want to leave for the shrine soon!"

Atsumu yawned loudly as he entered the kitchen. Without saying much, he sat down with us and stuffed some rice into his mouth. He definitely fell into the category of morning grumps. 

"Have you ever been to a shrine, Izumi?" Aunt Kazuko used her chopsticks to put a piece of seaweed in my bowl. 

"Yes, my father always stressed about the great importance of his religion and traditions. I often accompanied him." She looked at me with a motherly look. 

"Then you are familiar with the traditions, that's good."

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We went there on foot. The shrine was a little outside of the village in a small forest. We bowed at the gate before walking to the small well that was at the end of the wide path behind the gate. I had watched my father countless times, and it was now worth it. Osamu handed me the ladle. I took it and let some water run into it before pouring it over my hands and finally putting a little of it in my mouth. I cleaned the ladle with the remaining water, then passed it on to my aunt.

We walked together to the altar where we threw some money into the small chest and then folded our hands and bowed twice. Then we clapped twice and said our prayers inwardly. I closed my eyes and thought of my father, hoping that he had found peace after his death. We bowed once more and our visit to the shrine was over. "Would you like to look around a bit, Izumi?" I shook my head. Other things were more important today. Perhaps I would stop by again before I left and take a closer look at the shrine.

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It wasn't far from the shrine to the cemetery. On the way we passed a meadow where some autumn flowers were still blooming. 

"Can I pick some for Dad?" I looked questioningly at my aunt. 

She nodded. "That's a nice idea." 

I quickly picked some colorful flowers and then we continued on. Atsumu and Osamu had already gone a little bit ahead. The closer we got to the grave, the more nervous I became. Fear spread through me. Uncle Yuma held the small gate open for us. A row of gravestones and plants greeted us. Unlike in western cemeteries, however, the atmosphere was less oppressive, but calm and peaceful. From here you even had a pretty nice view.

"Kyo's grave is over there." Aunt Kazuko pointed to a fairly new gravestone. "Take your time and don't hesitate to call for us if you need anything." 

I nodded, then moved away from them. The closer I got to his grave, the stronger the urge to sob out loud became. Memories of the day he died came back. The ignorance, the insurmountable grief, the disbelief, the anger. With shaking hands, I removed the dry flowers from the small vase and put the new ones in before reaching for the watering can that was nearby. I carefully poured some water into the vase. 

"Hello, Dad."

I fell to my knees in front of his grave. A tear came out of the corner of my eye. 

"I'm back." 

I ran a cloth that I took from the Miya's house over the letters of his name to remove any dirt. My emotions were thrown into disarray. By now the tears were pouring out of me. 

"Why did you have to leave me, Dad? Why did you leave me alone in such a mean world?" 

The words just bubbled out of me. All the questions and thoughts I had asked myself over the last few months left my mouth without me even thinking about them. A fragment of memory took my breath away...

.

.

.

"We're sorry. There was nothing more we could do for him." 

No. No, that couldn't be. That wasn't real. "DAD!" My lungs ached, my eyes burned. "DAD, WHERE ARE YOU?" 

I thrashed around wildly. 

"Miss Ito, calm down." 

Calm down? No. I had to find him. Convince myself otherwise. See him smile. Reassure myself that he was OK. Tell him about my victory. The door in front of me opened. I pulled myself away and ran inside. 

"DAD!" 

Why had they covered him? He couldn't breathe like that! 

"Miss Ito..." 

No... No. That couldn't be real. Dad wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. That couldn't be... He hadn't seen me win yet. He hadn't seen me graduate from school yet... He hadn't walked me down the aisle yet... He hadn't held his grandchildren in his arms yet. 

"NO! HE CAN'T DIE! H-he..." My voice broke. It was too late. The only important person in my life was no longer alive...

.

.

.

I writhed in pain. With shaking fingers I opened my bag and grabbed the photo that I had been carrying around with me for weeks. Sobbing, I attached it to his gravestone. It showed the two of us after my first volleyball match in high school. He grinned cheekily while I looked at the camera, laughing. My body trembled with exhaustion. 

"Izy..." 

The voices barely reached me. I only vaguely noticed Osamu grabbing my shoulder. 

"I think... that's enough for today." 

Someone pulled me to my feet and led me away. All that remained was the painful stab in my chest and the gaping emptiness in my head. Even if it didn't seem like it now, this visit had been so incredibly necessary. It brought me back to reality and reassured me why I was still alive. I lived to realize our dreams that we couldn't realize together...