Lost in lust

Before

Aurora

I woke up in my room alone still half dressed.

I couldn't help but feel guilty for lying to Ares. He was right. How could I lie to him of all people over someone like Luke? It was like I was trying to protect him even after everything he's done to me. I don't get it. It confuses me but most of all it hurts me. I'm hurting myself by protecting him. Why would I put myself through that?

I thought back to when me and Luke had first started dating. I usually didn't go for guys like him but he kept bugging me until I finally said yes. I thought it was cute that he wouldn't give up on trying to get a date out of me at the time but I now realize that was the first red flag that I ignored.

But he tricked me. He was nice and he was such a gentleman. The first couple months of us dating I was on cloud nine. I couldn't believe I had gotten a boyfriend as great as him.

After the first 6 months he started acting differently. He would snap easily and force close proximity all the time. He didn't even let me go anywhere without his permission. I thought he was being protective. Another red flag ignored.

Eventually he started hitting me. At first it was only when he was mad and drunk, I know that doesn't make it any better but I thought at least he wouldn't do it when we was sober. Because he just came across as such a good guy I couldn't believe he would turn out to be that type of person.

But he was, and I was mad at myself more than I was at him because I knew I was better than that. How could I have been so gullible? 

I was angry at myself for ignoring the signs and letting him weasel his way into my life.I still am.

He got worse and worse. The more I got used to it the more I hated myself for getting used to it. Does that make sense?

On top of that I was lying to Rowan and everyone surrounding me. And I still am.

When I was younger I used to think that people who stayed in abusive relationships were just making it harder for themselves. Wouldn't it be easier to just tell someone?

And it is. It's literally that fucking simple to just tell someone but yet I can't bring myself to do it. Why is that.

I'm throwing away my relationship with my brother and even Ares for someone who damn sure doesn't deserve it.

What has my life come to? If mama could see me now.

.

After a couple hours of sulking I finally left my room once I realized that the feeling in my stomach wasn't gonna go away. I walked down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen.

Deciding to make cereal, I grabbed my bowl and began pouring the cinnamon toast crunch (aka best cereal hands down). 

I was halfway through the bowl before a familiar deep voice rang through my ears.

" The massage worked a bit too much I see."

" Don't flatter yourself, bimbo." I replied

He rolled his eyes and walked to the island where I was sitting." How was your sleep,bum."

" I didn't sleep." 

" Then what'd you do ?" I loved Ares I really did but I wasn't in the mood for talking. Much less responding to stupid questions.

" I laid there. What else could I have done?" I finished the cereal and made my way to the sink to wash it out. I never understood why people couldn't just wash out their own dishes instead of letting them all pile up in the sink just to tell someone else who most likely hasn't even been in the kitchen to wash all the dishes out and clean the entire kitchen.

" Well I just wanted t-" I cut him off.

" Look I love you but I just really don't wanna talk right now. Could we talk tomorrow or later maybe?"

His gaze changed it was almost as if he was hurt. I immediately felt bad. " Oh yeah it's fine. We could talk some other time." Before he stood up and made his way back to his room.

Well now I feel like apologizing and it wasn't even that serious.

Just great.