Lost in lust

Your friend

Omniscient 

Aurora has been thinking more and more about her life and how it could have  been so much different. Her state of mind has gotten worse than she even expected.

Her depression has lowered to depths that she's never experienced before.

She's been in her room for two weeks just thinking- ignoring everyone, not even picking up her phone(to Lukes'numerous amount of calls.) She knew the next time she saw him she wouldn't be able to blink much less sit down without being in extreme pain but she was too in her head to think about the pain Luke will give her soon enough.

She was already putting herself through enough pain. Way more painful than Luke could ever make her feel.

The moon shone through her window like a beam of realization.

"What did she have to live for" She thought.

A little voice in the back of her head gasped at the thought. Through all her hardships and through all her pain she had never once questioned her will to live. But this time was different. More draining. It was like it was taking over every ounce of her soul. Including her will to live overall.

She thought about killing herself and it seemed unrealistic and drastic. Perhaps she was being dramatic. What she was feeling this way over wasn't about anything new in her life. She had been going through this for far too long. And now all of a sudden she was suicidal? It didn't make any sense.

But this whole situation didn't make any sense. How could she of all people let herself get taken advantage of like that? Was she really that fucking gullible?

Everything that was happening, the way she was feeling, all could have been avoided if she wasn't so fucking stupid and for that- she blames herself. In her mind there is no one else to blame. She could have been happy. Maybe even had a normal life if it wasn't for her stupidity. It was all her fault.

And now her thoughts seemed to overwhelm her even more. tears fell from her eyes that she thought she didn't deserve. She didn't deserve anyone's tears. Not even her own.

She was once the happiest little kid you could ever imagine. She'd walk into a room with a huge smile on her face. The biggest smile. The happiest kid.

And now her thoughts were pushing her towards the edge of suicide. It didn't make any sense.

" I love my life" she tried to convince herself but that just wasn't true. She didn't love her life. She loved her brother and Ares and even her fake friends. But she did not love her life.

She didn't even love herself. How could she love her life?

I have to get through this. For them at least.

She told herself that life was worth living for them.

If her mother could she her now.

.

The next day she had dragged herself out of bed and finally fixed herself up.

Luke had been blowing up her phone all day. She was seriously considering just blocking his number but she knew that wouldn't result in anything good.