The last sunset

Chapter 7: Shadows of Doubt

The atmosphere between Dazai and Chuuya had changed in the days following their unexpected kiss. What had initially felt like a moment of pure exhilaration now sat heavy on Chuuya's chest, a persistent weight that refused to lift. Each time they met, Chuuya found himself lost in a whirlwind of emotions—elation mixed with fear, longing intertwined with doubt.

Dazai, always the enigma, seemed to dance along the edges of his emotions. One moment, he was the carefree jokester, the charming companion who could lighten any mood; the next, he was a ghost of himself, lost in thought, his gaze distant and troubled. Chuuya couldn't shake the feeling that beneath Dazai's playful exterior lay an abyss of darkness that threatened to swallow him whole.

It was one of those evenings when Chuuya found himself sitting on Dazai's couch, the air thick with unspoken words. They had been watching a movie, but the screen faded into the background, the dialogue muffled by the silence that had settled between them.

"Dazai," Chuuya began hesitantly, glancing at the man beside him. "You've been... different lately."

Dazai's eyes flickered toward him, but his expression remained unreadable. "Different how?"

Chuuya bit his lip, unsure how to voice his concerns. "You're... distant. I can feel it. You're not here with me, not really."

Dazai's gaze dropped to his hands, and for a moment, the silence stretched uncomfortably. "It's just been a lot to process, Chuuya. Everything that's happened."

Chuuya's heart sank. He wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap that was growing between them, but doubt gnawed at him. "Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's not you," Dazai said quickly, his tone earnest, but there was an edge to it, a hint of something Chuuya couldn't quite grasp. "I'm just... trying to figure things out."

"Figure what out?" Chuuya pressed, his frustration bubbling beneath the surface. "Is this even worth it? I can't keep pretending like everything's fine when you look like you're about to disappear into thin air."

Dazai's expression hardened for a moment, and the air crackled with tension. "You don't understand what it's like, Chuuya."

Chuuya felt the heat rise in his chest, anger and hurt colliding within him. "Then explain it to me! You keep shutting me out, and I'm tired of it!"

For a fleeting moment, Dazai's mask slipped, revealing a glimpse of vulnerability that made Chuuya's heart ache. But just as quickly, Dazai's walls went back up, and the ghost of his trademark smirk returned, albeit lacking its usual spark. "It's complicated."

"Stop with the cryptic bullshit!" Chuuya snapped, feeling desperation clawing at him. "You're not alone in this, Dazai! I'm here! I want to help you!"

Dazai stood abruptly, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "You can't help me! No one can help me!"

The words hung in the air, heavy and jagged. Chuuya felt the breath catch in his throat as the reality of Dazai's pain washed over him. "Why do you always do this?" Chuuya asked, his voice softer now, laced with sorrow. "Why do you push people away?"

Dazai turned to face him, his expression a storm of emotions—fear, anger, regret. "Because I don't want to hurt you, Chuuya! I don't want you to get dragged into my mess!"

"You're already hurting me by shutting me out!" Chuuya shot back, his heart pounding in his chest. "I care about you! Don't you see that?"

"Caring about me means you'll get hurt, and I can't let that happen," Dazai said, his voice cracking as if the weight of his words was too much to bear. "I can't bear to see you hurt because of me."

Chuuya stood up, the distance between them feeling insurmountable. "But I'd rather be hurt than stand here feeling helpless! You don't get to decide what's best for me!"

Dazai flinched at the intensity of Chuuya's words, and for a moment, their gazes locked in a silent battle. The tension hung thick in the air, both of them breathing heavily as they navigated the emotional minefield surrounding them.

"Why can't you just let me in?" Chuuya pleaded, his voice trembling. "We can face this together. I don't want you to fight your battles alone anymore."

Dazai's resolve wavered, and Chuuya could see the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. But just as quickly, Dazai's walls re-erected, and he looked away, closing himself off once more. "I can't," he said softly, almost defeated. "I can't let you in."

Chuuya felt a sharp pang in his chest, the sting of betrayal mixed with heartbreak. "If you can't let me in, then what are we doing here? What's the point of all this?"

Dazai's expression hardened again, the mask of indifference returning. "I don't know," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Then maybe we need to stop this," Chuuya said, his voice breaking. "If you're going to keep pushing me away, I don't want to be a part of this anymore."

"Chuuya..." Dazai began, but the pain in Chuuya's heart silenced him.

"I mean it. I can't keep doing this if you're not willing to fight for it." Chuuya's throat felt tight as he turned away, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

He walked toward the door, each step feeling heavier than the last. Dazai's voice stopped him, low and pleading. "Don't go."

Chuuya closed his eyes, pain swirling in his chest like a tempest. "I have to," he whispered, not looking back. "I can't keep waiting for you to decide you want me."

With that, he opened the door and stepped out into the night, the weight of Dazai's presence lingering in the air behind him. The darkness enveloped him, the cold air biting at his skin, but it was nothing compared to the ache in his heart.

As Chuuya walked away, he felt a sense of finality wash over him. He didn't know if he'd return. The shadows of doubt that had crept into their relationship had grown too strong, too suffocating, and he couldn't keep fighting a battle that Dazai wasn't willing to face.

And as the night deepened, Chuuya found himself standing at a crossroads—caught between the desire to fight for something real and the realization that sometimes, the hardest choice was to walk away.