The King's Eye

Chapter 46

Jacques was quiet, his arms wrapped around me warmly from behind as the horse carried us back to the palace. There were so many words that came to mind. That I wanted to say, but couldn't. The last time we spoke was full of a rage I had never felt, as if the anger would set my skin itself on fire. That flame still flickered within me, waiting to be reignited to its full roaring blaze.

His gentle presence made that feeling stifle out in ebbs and flows as we continued on. The silent filled tension thick enough to cut.

I hated him and yet the very thought of existing in a world without him made me want to forfeit existence itself. It made me want to let the darkness consume me. These conflicting feelings just kept seeming to pile within my chest.

While raging against him had been a release, it had also left a pit within me that quickly turned into a void of regret. I was ashamed, yet knew there was justification for every word I spat. Every curse under my breath. Every object broken. I had been right to feel that way.

Betrayed.

Jacques betrayed me.

Shifting in the saddle against him, I winced.

"Are you in pain?" He asked quietly, his voice controlled.

"I'm fine." I squeezed my eyes shut, not thinking of the throbbing pain that charged up my arm from my wrist.

"You cannot lie to me."

"No,but you can lie to me."

He sighed heavily, his arms going up and down with his chest. "Sophie, I never lied to you."

"You did not tell me the truth." I kept my eyes forward, fighting the urge to look at him. "That is what lying is."

The horse stopped beneath us. "Get off," Jacques's voice was raw. He dismounted and reached out his hand for me.

I looked at his hand hesitantly, my fingers gripping the horn of the saddle. "We are not at the palace."

"Get off the horse, Sophie." His words came off angry, but his face was neutral.

"No," I growled, leaning towards him.

Without hesitation, he grabbed me, pulling me from the saddle in one sudden motion. As he set me on my feet, I found myself trying to not let my jaw go slack.

"I'm not fighting with you about a decision I made long before you came into my life," he said, only inches from my face. "Francis trapped me in a deal when I was too young to know better. You being involved and having to keep my mouth shut is a regret I will live with until I die, but you do not get to condemn me for doing what I had to do to survive before you!"

He began pacing, his boots kicking up dirt on the road. I wanted to reach out and touch him, so terribly my fingers trembled at my sides.

"I never lied about what mattered." Breaking the short lived silence, he stilled. Eyes looking up at the cloud covered sky, he let his head hang back. "I love you, Sophie. That is the truth." His head snapped back right and turned to me, eyes softened. "You can hate me. You can kick and scream for the rest of our lives."

Fingers ran through my hair, my eyes opening to look up at his face. There was stubble across his cheeks, darkness under his eyes, and yet he was the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on. Somehow he was mine.

Twirling a piece of my hair around a finger, he let it drop back down, moving his hand to my hip to pull me closer. "You cannot get rid of me, though." He swallowed down the words. "I will be a shadow in your life if I have to be, but I will never leave you. I will never love anyone else. I meant it when I said you bewitched me the moment I held out my hand for you." His eyes dropped to my lips. "Elodie called me an idiot. I ran right to her and told her I was going to marry you."

"Because you are an idiot." I fought back my smile. "I was scared that day," I said, my eyes not leaving where my hand laid on his chest. "When we arrived at the palace you made me feel safe." My mind screamed to pull away, but I sunk into his touch, letting my forehead rest against him. "I am mad at you, Jacques."

"I know," he sighed.

"I am mad at you, but I am happy that I can call you my husband." I could feel the tension leave his body as I said it.

"I was just trying to protect you."

"I did not need you to protect me," I finally looked up at him. "I needed you to believe in me."

"I—"

"I'm not done," I said, pushing off of him. "You do not help me by not telling me information, you blind me. I am not made of porcelain. I will not shatter by knowing the truth." Turning my back to him I took a few steps, letting my arms cross across my chest. "You never gave me a chance, though."

"Sophie."

I didn't turn to him. "You didn't think I was capable of handling it."

"That's not true." His footsteps were quiet as he approached me, but not silent.

"Why did you not tell me, then?"

"I was afraid of losing you." His finger grazed the fabric of the jacket I wore, the extra fabric making it feel as if a phantom glided down my spine.

"So you questioned my commitment to you?" I spun to face him, heart racing. "Jacques, do you not realize I love you, too?" I searched his face. "The thought of living without you is—"

"Not something imaginable." He tilted my chin up, looping his finger under it. "I made a mistake, Sophie. I will not make that mistake again."

"You are not listening to me." I bat his hand away, a look of shock crossing his face. "Jacques if you do not start believing in me. If you do not start trusting I can handle whatever is thrown at me...we will have to figure out what the unimaginable is.

"Because even though I love you and you are my very air I breathe, I cannot live as if I am weak. I'm not weak, Jacques." I swung my arms, the pain of my wrist making me visibly flinch.

"Let me see it," he grabbed arm slowly, turning my hand back and forth. "Show me how you punched him." Taking a step back he waited.

"What?"

"Show me how you punched." Biting at my lip, I held up the fist seeing just how swollen my wrist was. He shook his head. "When you make your fist..." he trailed off, reaching for my uninjured hand, morphing it into shape. "Wrap your thumb over, not under. If you are not weak as you say, you need to learn how to defend yourself without injury."

I nodded. "I still haven't forgiven you." Dropping my fist down to my side, I began to walk back to the horse, but was cut short by Jacques's grasp on me.

"I don't expect you to forgive me anytime soon, but can I ask one thing of you?" Gesturing yes, with a glance back at him, he twirled me around and pulled me into him. He brushed a piece of hair from face and tucked it behind my ear. "May I kiss my wife?"

Rolling my eyes, I let out a quiet laugh. "Yes, husband. You may."

That mischievous grin I loved crossed his face and as he dipped toward me. Stubble brushing my skin, his hand made its way into my hair, fingers digging in ravenously as his lips met mine. The kiss was slow, lips moving as if time was stilling to a halt. Leisurely he backed me away from the path and into the trunk of a tree, his other hand stuck to my waist. Grabbing the fabric of his exposed shirt, I pulled him closer, letting his weight crush into me. His hand wandered down towards the pants I wore, beginning to pull them down as our tongues began to search one another longingly.

"I would greatly appreciate it if you did not expose my sister on the side of the road, Delacroix."

"They are always like this," Elodie sighed.

Jacques closed his eyes tightly, hand pressed against the tree as he heaved out a deep breath. "You can have your way with me when we get back to the palace," I whispered into his ear.

He groaned, slipping my pants back up the same distance he had gotten them off of me. "I wish you had killed him."

I nipped at his ear playfully, "I know you do."