If You Devour Poison / Doku wo Kurawaba Sara Made

Chapter 20: Gardenia

Jolga opened his eyes wide in shock.

“Wh… th…”

“Why?” That’s all he wanted to ask.
Yet, all that came out of his mouth was unintelligible gibberish.
I took another deep breath. My fingers interlaced as I placed my hand on my thigh, and. slowly opened my eyes. I saw Jolga staring down at me as if I were prey.

“Yurikano hated me.”

I deliberately muttered while blurring the boundaries between true and false of the past.
As if it were a sign of my regret and atonement.
As if I were a man that had accepted even her sins.

“That’s why I wanted to wait. I wanted to wait till the day her heart opened up to mine and I would make her happy. She and I were still young and it would have been fine even if we had children a little late.”
“...”
“I came to know of her pregnancy from the doctor who examined her when she fell sick. Even my mind had gone blank. Before I could even question her, she confessed that the father of the child in her belly was yours. ’I don’t care if you imprison me. I only want you to save this child; I want him to be born. Please, I beg of you,’ she said.”
“Th-That...”

As Jolga spoke, I let out a low, self-deprecating laugh.

“Looking back...Yurikano did have the advantage. I loved her and thus treasured her. Because she said that she did not want to go out with me, I didn’t force her to show her face in high society either. I gave her everything she wished for. I wanted Yurikano... to love me.”
“...”
“She must have known that me being like that would never hurt a child birthed by her, even if it were from another man’s seed. Well, she certainly got that right.”
“Did… you...”

With the words stuck in his throat, Jolga clenched his hand into a fist and struck himself hard on his sternum. Glaring at me as if I were the one at fault, he spat out the words in his heart.

“If… you loved Yurikano...that much...! Why did you… tear us apart!? You knew… that Yurikano and I were deeply in love!”
“...”
“We had planned our wedding the next year and didn’t doubt our future one bit. Just how much did you want us to despair… !? We even thought of eloping. We even thought of a double suicide. But when we thought of our family and the people under us, we were unable to go through with the final step...!”
“It didn’t hold any particularly deep meaning.”
“What!?”

Seeing Jolga subconsciously reach for his sword, Morino panicked and grabbed his sleeve.

“When I saw Yurikano for the first time at the ball, I wanted her. I had the power to get her. That’s all it was.”
“You bastard...!”
“Sir Jolga! Cease your actions!”

Enraged, Jolga stood up to grab me by my collar when my butler, Thomas, came between the two of us.

“Thomas...!?”
“Please, calm down, Sir Jolga. He had his reasons. By marrying her, Master saved Lady Yurikano from the clutches of the devil.”
“Wha…?”

In front of the surprised gazes Jolga and I, who skillfully made myself appear stiff, Thomas took out a single sheet of paper. The sealed letter had been opened with a paper-knife, and its paper crumpled, betraying the countless times its contents had been repeatedly read. It was an old letter and I held my breath, and keeping an air of nonchalance, glared at Thomas with loathing.

“I told you to burn it!”
“Forgive me, Master. Please leave the scolding for later. You can punish me however you want.”
“What… is that...?”
“It’s a personal letter! It has nothing to do with you!”
“Please do not lie, Master. Sir Jolga isn’t that weak to have Master take all the bad reputation just to protect him.”
“What… do you… mean?”