How To Disappear Without Being Noticed

THREE

ASHTON

more scars litter his body. he can see fresh cuts through his shirt and even some on his forearms. the ones on his side are the worst - he's seen it in the changing rooms and it took everything in him not to stop and stare (some others had done, mainly his own not-so-close-friends, looking at the boy he loves as if he were something gross). he was beautiful, in more than one way, the scars only made him more so - a symbol of a challenge overcome. but, God, does it hurt seeing new ones appear on his ethereally pale skin. red a stark contrast on white. 

why can't he see that he's loved? now he knows his best friends are okay with (and totally knew about) his not so small crush, he's been putting off saying something, but this. he is not going to let this happen. he is not going to sit by and watch as he tears himself apart. no, his is going to end now. 

what good of a lover would he be anyway, if he lets him hurt this way? he never wants to be that. his beautiful grey-blue-hazel eyes are rapidly losing life and he can't let this slip through his fingers because he's too cowardly to give him the love he needs. it would be there when he comes.

THEO

he doesn't know why he's still here. he doesn't know why he's still holding on when all he wants to do is let go. no one would com looking. he doesn't think he wants them to. and yet...there's something keeping him here - well more like someone. 

he has been there, a secure and stable constant in his life, asking him if he's okay, if he needs someone to talk to. he has no doubt he's seen the things he's done to himself, hell, he probably thinks it's gross like most of his friends do. he's seen their disgusted faces. but something makes him think he's different, that he could never be like them. maybe he's not trying to be patronising, maybe he genuinely wanted to help. 

why would he do that when he's worth nothing at all? what has he done to deserve even the thought of offering help. he knows he deserves to be put through pain, that he deserves to suffer. he's going to let go soon he can feel it, it's close he knows but why doesn't he want it to happen so much now?

it's him and the stupid feeling he makes him feel. gods he should hate him for making this hard. he hopes he'll reach out again but after he angrily pushed him off he's not sure he'll want to approach him anymore. he needs help, but how does he ask for it?

Notes - so what do you think?? if i'm being honest the diary style is still slightly weird (even though i decided to write it like that) but i actually think it works for this so idk