How To Disappear Without Being Noticed

FOUR

ASHTON

why won't he let him help? he just wants to hold him and tell him it's okay but he won't let him. it's painful knowing he thinks he deserves to suffer like this, when all he can see is how gorgeous he really is. when he looks at him the surprise (and is that fear?) shows up clearly on his features. he asks why he wants to help him, why he's tried a second time when all he was the first time was harsh. he asks why he thinks he deserves help when all he is is a broken mess.

he tells him. he tells him how much it hurts seeing him tear himself apart, tells him how much he wants to be the person to tell him it's okay when it gets hard. he tells him how beautiful he really is even if he can't see it yet and how much he wants to hold him tight and close and protect him from his own head. 

the shock he expects. it's the tears on his cheeks that surprises him. he lets him wipe them away for him and pull him close where he an put a protective arm around him. he tells him, in a whisper, how much he adores him and in turn is told that he is just as adored. he smiles and pulls him closer, then sends a wink and a delighted grin over his head to his friends who have just arrived. some grin back at him, others run away cheering and whooping. 

he doesn't care, all he can think about is his boy in his arms. 

THEO

it's easier to deal with now but it most certainly doesn't go away. it will eventually, or at least he hopes it will, but for now he'll stick close to his side so that when it gets too much he can bury himself and his thoughts in his chest. 

it's almost relieving when he breaks down one day and reveals everything he's ever done or thought of doing to himself. he knows it hurts him, to hear what he's suffered by his own hand but the burning, desperate need to spill everything until it has all been said is far greater than anything he's ever felt now that he knows he has someone who will listen to and comfort him. 

and he does. he holds him and runs his fingers through his hair, lets him borrow his thick, heavy jumpers who's weight grounds him and who's smell reminds him of home. of course he is always there to comfort him when he needs it. when his not-so-close-friends say something particularly nasty or he's overwhelmed with school work and social expectations - just when he seems down for any reason - he'll sit himself in his lap and hold him, soft fingers in his sandy hair like he does for him. 

they're strong together, and their friends know they'll last. 

ASHTON

he loves him. he loves him so much it feels like his chest might explode with it. it fills him up and spills over in the form of gentle touches, brushes of fingers against tender skin of cheeks, sweet little gifts and soft kisses. 

and, oh, doesn't he taste just heavenly - like hot chocolate, fresh baked brownies and home. his lips are lovely too, plush and pillow soft like laying in freshly washed sheets except so much better because it's him. when he kisses him he feels like he's flying and he feels as though nothing could ever compare to this feeling. 

but then he cuddles into his chest and makes himself a home there; he feels as if he could die right then and be completely and utterly content, even if he knows his heart is racing and he can most likely feel it with his face pressed against the left side of his chest. it's okay though, the soft smile and gentle tease he gets for it make it all worth it. 

his smile lights up his whole face now, and it makes his heart ache with pure and utter joy knowing that he caused that, he made him happy enough to smile so prettily like that. his friends tease him for staring. it's not like he can help it with the way his dark hair frames his pale face in a way that makes him want to reach out and tuck it back. when his stunningly gorgeous grey-blue-hazel eyes light up when he finds something that interests him or when a song that he loves comes on the radio. he's adorable and he makes sure he knows it.

Authors Notes - that's the end! these two dumbasses got their happy ending. i still have something i wrote from the perspective of one of their teacher, where theo struggles with overstimulation (he'a a lil autistic boy like me) and no one expects ash to be able to help. so if you wanna read that then just tell me and i'll post it. 

anyways i hope you enjoyed reading :]