Beneath A Dying Sky

Chapter 8 - Cowardice

Edith waited for Alice to leave, and she did the next day, only to return a few hours later, they didn't talk much either. Edith fiddled with the radio, and Alice played with Sampson. She didn't mind all that much, Alice was easier to handle when quiet. Whenever they talked, it somehow ended up as an argument, and Edith had to just shut up before she said something mean. This cycle was on rinse and repeat for a few days until she decided to ask about it.

"Are you going to leave or not?" Edith asked, looking at Alice as she ate lunch.

Alice paused and looked at her, "I....don't know. Eventually, I think so." She shrugged like it didn't matter much in the moment.

Edith frowned, it mattered to her. She didn't want to get attached to this person if they were just going to up and leave randomly. On the one hand, she'd be fine if Alice left, on the other, she didn't want her to go at all, "You can stay if you want." She blurted it out a bit and felt a bit of embarrassment at herself.

Alice blinked and looked at her, "I'm going south eventually I just need to build my strength back up. It's getting colder, and I need more weight, or I'll freeze to death." She shook her head, "I'm not staying in a hole."

"A hole is better than out there." Edith argued, "At least in here, radiation won't get me, and I can stay warm and clean and fed."

"It's not living." Alice looked at her, "You can hide down here for as long as you want, but it won't change anything. You can't ignore the world forever."

"I'm not ignoring the world. You think I'm not aware of everything that's happened?" Edith snapped, "It's safer in here, if you want to go galavanting out there and die in a week, be my guest!" She wasn't even sure why she was so upset, maybe she just didn't want to lose the first person she'd spoken to in months. Or maybe it was because Alice was getting on her nerves.

"I'd rather die trying to find a decent place than live in a hole for what? A few months, maybe? The food will run out, the water will run out, why wait around here until you have to rely on dumb luck to find someplace new?" Alice snapped back, meeting her gaze with a hardened glare, "I know you're scared, Edith," She sighed and shook her head, "I would be an idiot if I wasn't too, but this isn't living if there's even a chance that someplace is better I want to take it. Why don't you?"

Edith opened her mouth to reply but stopped. She hated to admit it, but Alice had a point. She'd gotten lucky finding this place before she starved, and soon, the world would be frozen. She was scared, and she hated it, and she especially hated Alice pointing it out. But she was tired of taking risks and terrified of the outside world, the scorched bodies, rotting corpses. The remnants of a past she was always running from. In here, she could pretend, pretend everything was okay, but out there, she couldn't. She wasn't ready. "Just...shut up." She rolled over on the bed to have her back face Alice as she fiddled with the radio.

"I won't wait for you, Edith." Alice said, almost sounding sad, "I'm not going to stay forever."

Edith pursed her lips, for as much as they argued, she liked talking with someone who talked back. The thought of being alone again, even with Sampson, was like a knife through her chest. She couldn't be alone again, she just couldn't do it, "I'll think about it."

"I'll let you come if you decide to. I could use the help." Alice agreed before they both fell silent.

She stared at the radio, the static becoming increasingly irritating. She'd never been a risk taker, even as a kid, never taking chances, always taking the easy route. Despite not wanting to die a coward, she was one. She'd always been one, always avoiding confrontation, doing anything to avoid a fight. Maybe she'd been under the delusion that when the world changed, she did too, but she was wrong. Nothing had changed, she was still just a coward, scared and afraid to leave the comfort of a place that promised momentary protection and food. But she didn't want to stay like this, her fear had held her back from so many things in life. But change wasn't something she liked either. She didn't want to go into the unknown. That strange alien planet that had once been Earth. She sighed, hugging her waist and closing her eyes as her mind was taken back to a different time;

**********

Edith sat on the couch with Lillian, picking at the skin around her nails, they were just going through a rough patch, was all. Nothing to worry about, and yet anxiety gripped her chest, threatening to suffocate her, and her hands shook in her lap.

"Look, Edith," Lillian placed her hand over Edith's, "I just want to figure this out, the world is such a mess right now I don't want us to be. We need to think about the future."

"But everything is okay now." Edith looked at Lillian, her gaze soft as she sighed, "Why worry about the future when we can just focus on what's right in front of us? On Us?"

"Because Edith, the future is everything, with the war and rationing, and the draft...I just...I worry, okay? And I'm worried you're not taking this seriously."

"I am, I swear, it's just...life's too short to worry about the future, especially now when it's so uncertain." Edith looked at the television, where the news was broadcasting updates about the war effort. She hated the war; she just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. Ignore it until it went away. Lillian wasn't like that; she went to protests, and Edith went with her to support.

"Edith, if there's anything we should worry about now, it's the future." Lillian sighed, "We need to get out of here while we still can, there's talk about nukes, Edith, please, I can't do this without you."

Edith looked at her, "I...I'll think about it, okay?" She wasn't even finished with college, how could she leave the country and go to some foreign place? What would she even do when she got there? She couldn't do it, and she couldn't think about it. She grabbed the remote and changed the channel, "Can we just talk about something else? Please?"

Lillian had a sad look in her eyes, and Edith looked away as she spoke, "Sure, just think about it okay?"

"Okay."

**********

Edith wiped her eyes, swallowing down a lump in her throat, maybe if she hadn't been a coward, Lillian would still be alive.

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Author's Note-

What a turn huh? I made an Edith playlist if anyone wants to check it out - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pb4ZIa6nQbNZroJVDfQNd?si=544dff79e0a74f2e