Freefall

Haven

Hearing out loud what she had been denying internally was always stressful, but this was... A big one. Holding his hand tight on the table still, her eyes stayed locked on his, and he was starting to look more and more scared the longer she stayed quiet. She couldn't have that- couldn't have him thinking there was any lifetime in which she could turn him down, because there wasn't, even though he loved to get under her skin. She knew she annoyed him just as bad.

But what was the right thing to say? He didn't seem thrilled at the idea of being soulmates, but he loved her anyways? Why?

Swallowing hard and finally breaking eye contact, she looked down at their joined hands, "Atlas, I'm not... I'm not good. You've seen what comes with me already, and it only gets worse from here."

"So fucking what, Ev? I'm not good, either- I don't know if you noticed who I was working for when we met, but I've done more bad shit than good. No one asked you to be good," he sighed, clearly seeing the fault in his words, "no one that matters, anyways. I just want you to be you, and I want you to be safe."

"I don't think I'll ever be allowed to be either of those things," she whispered, staring at their hands. If she wasn't as selfish as she was, she would let his go and run until she couldn't anymore. Far, far away to where her problems couldn't hurt him anymore.

"You already are. Safe, I mean- I know... I know I don't know all of you. I want to, if you'll let me, but I promise I'll keep you safe. With everything I have, Angel."

She felt a tear fall down her cheek, fingers trembling in his firm grasp, "I'm sorry you got stuck with me. I'm so sorry," she whispered, careful not to draw attention to their little corner of the cafe. "Your soulmate shouldn't be a job- i shouldn't..."

"You can be sorry for the both of us if you want, but I'm not, Ev. Loving you is the best thing I've ever done. Easiest, too."

She didn't know how to respond to that. He was stumping her more often than she would like. Swallowing hard against the lump in her throat, she squeezed his hand lightly, trying to make a thought make sense.

One did. "I love you, too," she whispered, unable to bring her voice any louder, "I can't lose you to him. Or anyone else. I'm scared, Atlas. I-I..."

"You won't. I'll always be right here- you just have to stick with me, too, alright, Angel?"

She nodded slowly, realizing what he was referring to, "so when I was... Talking about killing me instead of all of this, it..."

"Yeah, it hurt like hell, Ev," he admit, his own voice a touch quieter, "so no more of that shit, alright?"

Her chest ached at just how much all of this had to be hurting him. Atlas being put in danger by all of this felt awful, and if she was his soulmate... She couldn't help but think of all the pain he knew she carried, and knew he was taking it on his shoulders, too. She knew because his pain was her own, too- and how could it not be? How could she allow him to suffer on his own?

Maybe together, they might be able to carry it all. Maybe he had been running on fumes when they met, too. Maybe she could be good for him. He didn't care if she was good as a whole, he'd made that clear enough. But maybe she could end up giving to him more than she ended up taking, when all was said and done.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise," she finally agreed, feeling him squeeze her hand. It was good that giving herself to him was so easy- it was all she had left to offer. Maybe it wouldn't be like that forever, though. When she looked up again, he was smiling.

"Good. You lost the dare, by the way."

"That's not fair."

"Never claimed to be fair, just to love you," he repeated, smile turning to a smirk as he caught the way her cheeks warmed. It was going to take a lot to get used to him saying that, but it seemed like he was going to give her plenty of opportunities to do so.