Maybe Someday

FIVE

JOSH

It's been at least ten minutes and Claire is still silent. I wonder why she's so nervous. She definitely wasn't like this last night. What changed?

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Do you remember what happened the night at the party?"

"What part?"

"The part where we were outside?"

"The part where you were waisted? Or the part that we almost kissed?"

I see her face turn red. Which makes me believe that it was the second option.

"Yes, I do remember. Why are you asking?"

"What... What did it mean?"

"We were both drunk. I don't think it meant anything."

She looks down and puts her arms around her body, hugging herself. I could see it wasn't the answer she was expecting. In all honesty, I don't understand why it seemed to be so important to her. I mean, I know she has a crush on me. I've known for years. But nothing happened between us, so, I don't understand her reaction. She's my twin sister's best friend. We all grew up together. We are also friends, I think. Granted, I'm friends with the people that bully her. So, I don't know what that makes me.

"So, it meant nothing?"

"Why would it mean something? Nothing happened."

"Okay." She sighs, visibly disappointed.

What is going on?

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. Why?"

"You seem... Disappointed?"

She shrugs.

"It's fine. Nothing for you to worry about."

"Shall we continue to watch the movie then?"

She scratches the back of her neck, nervously.

"You know what? I'm actually really tired right now. So, I think we should take a rain check."

"Sure. If you want."

I really don't understand her at the moment. She's acting weird, staying away from me. Once we got downstairs, she practically kicked me out of her house. I really need Stella to explain to me what is going on, because in all honesty, I'm extremely confused.

Claire

Josh just left. Well, I sort of kicked him out. Saying that I'm disappointed would be an understatement. For once, I actually thought that he wanted to -possibly- kiss me that night. I guess it was just my imagination. Who am I kidding? Of course he wouldn't want to kiss me. It's Josh. He sees me as Claire, his twin sister's annoying best friend. As the poor and prude girl, according to his friends. I shouldn't be surprised

I cleaned up my room and now am laying down on my bed. I feel my phone buzzing so I grab it.

Hey! What's up? says Stella

Hey. Nothing.

That's not what Josh told me.

I sigh. I knew he would tell Stella.

"What did he say?"

"That you were weird."

"I wasn't weird. Just a little disappointed."

"Why? Because you guys didn't kiss at the party?"

"Maybe."

"You're still into him, aren't you?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"YES!"

Stella... She reads me like a book. There's no point in lying to her.

"Why don't you just tell him?"

"Because he would laugh at me. And if people find out it would be another reason for them to bully me."

"No he wouldn't. And who cares about people? You shouldn't. Plus, I'm here, I got your back."

I smile seeing her last response. I know I could always count on her. She's my best friend. My only friend actually. But she only has so much "power". I can't hide behind her for the rest of my life. I do like Josh. Always have. I'm sure he already knows, but will never say it. Since the first time I saw him, I immediately fell in love with him. With his cheeky smile, his beautiful deep brown eyes, his curls. We were five years old but even then I knew that he was special. And I was right. He is. He's kind, funny, charismatic, charming, sensitive. Of course, he won't show people that he's sensitive. I hate the persona he's portraying at school. Because he's not the dumb jock that he pretends to be. He's actually very smart.

"Do you want me to come over?" Says Stella, bringing me back to reality.

I look at my clock. It's already 12:30 AM. I should be in bed right now. Even if we don't have school in the morning, I still wanted to study.

"No, it's okay. I should go to bed. It's late."

"See you later?"

"Definitely."

"Great! Goodnight, I love you."

"I love you too."

I put my phone on my nightstand, turn off the lamp and get under the comforter. I wish it wouldn't be so complicated. I wish I could just tell Josh how I feel about him. But I'm way too scared to be ridiculed. I guess someday I will find the courage to do it. But for now, I'd rather keep this to myself. Day dreaming about him is good enough. For now.