It's a sin. || Fyolai

Chapter 3

"Let's get to bed Kolya" Fyodor said walking back to the albino. Nikolai let his head fall back and looked at Fyodor. "But Fedyaaa~ I want to talk to that pretty face of yours!~" Nikolai slurred with a big smile. Fyodor sighed, a small conversation wouldn't hurt, would it now? Fyodor thought before sitting in the other arm chair.

"So, what shall we discuss?" Fyodor reluctantly said well attempting to think. He placed his elbows on the armrests, interlocked his fingers and set his chin down on his hands. Nikolai also thought for a minute "Have you ever even kissed someone?" Nikolai asked tilting his head. Fyodor thought for a minute, there was a time in junior high a girl had kissed him, then in high school half of the females in the school wanted to know what Fyodor tasted like in more ways then one. But from what Fyodor could recall, he never kissed anyone. "No," Fyodor stated before leaning back in his seat and grabbing the tea he made himself drinking it.

"Do you want to kiss meee?~" Nikolai teased moving his body closer to Fyodor's chair and poking him. Fyodor felt a knot being tied in his stomach, he hated the feeling. He has never experienced it before either, which made it the more unpleasant. Fyodor stayed silent before muttering a soft quiet "No." He knew it was a lie, but he wanted to deny the feeling till it went away. Nikolai chuckled for a few minutes before grabbing the cup of water Fyodor had brought for him a bit earlier and chugged the whole thing in one go. Nikolai placed the cup back on the table and relaxed in his chair before yawning. Fyodor soon finished his cup of black tea and placed the cup on the table as well.

"What are your plans for the future, Koyla?" Fyodor asked placing his hands in his lap and resting his head on the head rest of the chair. "To be as free as I can be.. I suppose. I never put much thought into it." Nikolai answered as he felt his eyes getting heavy. "How about you, Fedya? Any plans for the future? Any idea what you want your wife to look like?" Nikolai rambled, Fyodor listened thinking of an answer. He never honestly thought about marriage, he always thought all he needed was god by his side. Shall he soon realize.

"I have not thought of marriage, for all I need is the lord by my side to guide me the rest of my life. For your other question, I have not thought about it, most likely stay a priest till my body would be able to take it." Fyodor stated standing up "now, we need to get to bed, Koyla" Fyodor stated extending his arm towards the white haired jester. Nikolai placed his hand in Fyodor's, as the raven hair man pulled him up from the chair. "Won't you want someone though, Fedya? Also kinda weird you want to spend your whole life with some spiritual man.." Nikolai slurred the questions with no thought behind them. Nikolai did have a point, Fyodor would want someone. That someone was in arms length, but Fyodor was not accepting of that fact. He shall turn that someone down, turn his back, and walk the path of light. Though, his body didn't. His mind and body were always at a war of what he wants, no, needs. Fyodor sighed before deciding to open up to Nikolai, he wouldn't remember a single thing because of the state he was in.

"I would want someone, you are correct there. Though, not a wife..." Fyodor trailed off before looking into Nikolai's grey-ish light blue eyes. They looked like the sky when it was bit of a foggy day. "I.. want.. a man..." Fyodor softly said feel like the lord was starring is disbelief, disgust, dissatisfaction and disappointment. Fyodor feels as if he had just been abandoned and stripped of the lord's protection and presence. Nikolai looked dumbfounded "I do too..?" Nikolai said unsure, there were no thoughts running through that jesters head at this time. Fyodor bated an eyebrow and the man "you said they in an unsure tone" Fyodor stated softly before walking away from the jester once more. "Oh, well I want a man too. That better?" Nikolai asked following Fyodor. Fyodor sighed walking to the kitchen and grabbing a large cup and filling it with water "drink this all." Fyodor coldly said handing Nikolai the cup. Nikolai grabbed the cup and examined it, Fyodor just simply raised a curious eyebrow at the jester "something wrong?" Fyodor asked before Nikolai shook his head 'no' and drank all the water.