Love in the dark

5

The next morning they had gone through a whole routine before Meredith had even woken up. They had cleaned her port, emptied her colostomy bag and already had pushed a full feeding through

But as soon as she had woken up she was eager to see her daughter. The bad news was still sinking in, there was a possibility she might die and leave her daughter if this wouldn't help. The next day she'd get her first round of chemo, Bailey had said it was a softer one to start with while she would still be healing from her surgeries but that didn't scare her any less

"Is this okay for Mads?" Meredith meant the way she was looking

"Of course, Mer, don't worry. That kiddo loves you so much."

"She doesn't need to go through all of this, Mark. She's been through so much already." Meredith groaned as she moved a bit, still extremely sore

"You shouldn't go through this either." Mark said sternly. "Okay, they'll be here in a bit."

"Can I have more anti nausea meds please?" Meredith weakly asked

"Of course." Mark quickly went to get it

As he was gone she took the chance to remove her blanket and see her abdomen. But she was sore, it was hard to even move

"Hey, what are you doing?" Mark walked inside with the meds

"Wanna see-" She winced and attempted again

"Easy, let me help you." Mark said and supported her so she could look

"Oh god-" Meredith gasped

"It's okay, this is all to help. We maybe can remove the colostomy bag after some months, let's just get through further treatment now." Mark kissed her forehead before helping her lay down again

"No- Need to sit up-" Meredith protested

"Stubborn woman." Mark chuckled and helped her sit up a bit more

"Knock knock." Addison entered the room, holding hands with Maddie

"Mads-" Meredith smiled widely, weakly opening on arm to hug her

"Careful." Mark whispered

"Mom!" Maddie hurried towards her mom, hugging her softly. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, princess. How did you sleep?"

"I didn't sleep that much.." Maddie muttered

"It's okay. You should eat first, maybe you can lay with me for a nap later on." Meredith suggested, seeing Mark's worried face as he expected her to overdo already

"Aunt Addie said you won't be eating?" Maddie carefully started.

"No monkey, my stomach isn't working right now. I'll explain everything in a bit to you, aunt Addie and Mark will join us for breakfast and afterwards its just you and me, okay?"

"Okay mommy." Maddie nodded and took a seat on the chair with her aunt and uncle and they started digging in, Meredith tried to start some small talk, luckily Addison took over most of the time so she could rest a bit and just watch her daughter in silence

The girl started eating the pancakes they had gotten earlier but couldn't stop looking at her mom. She was so worried and had never seen Meredith so pale and quiet before

"Mom?" Maddie looked up

"Yes monkey?" Meredith looked into her daughter's eyes

"I love you." Maddie said

"I love you too, princess." Meredith used everything she had to not start crying, she had to stay strong

After breakfast Mark and Addison decided to leave as Meredith had asked. It was time to have a chat with her daughter

"Monkey, can you climb in bed with me, please?" Meredith asked

"I won't hurt you?" Maddie looked up

"No, just come here, please." Meredith urged a bit, wanting to hug her daughter as she had a hard time composing herself

"You're not okay, right?" Maddie asked, looking absolutely terrified of the answer

"I'm- Maddie, I need to talk to you about something. I will be okay, do you understand?

Maddie gave her a tiny nod, clinching onto her mom

"Mads.. they found a tumor, during the surgery they found out its cancer." Meredith said, struggling to explain as she felt so many emotions rushing through her own head

"Cancer?! You'll die?! No?! Mommy?! Mommy, please?!"

"Monkey, easy.. I will be fine." Meredith cupped her daughter's head in her hand. "I know it's scary, it's super scary. But they removed a lot already, we just need to get rid of the mets. Which means I'll start chemo tomorrow."

"Chemo? But-" Maddie started crying

"But that's gonna help me." Meredith said sternly. "I'll lose my hair and I will get sick but it will make me better."

"Mommy-" Maddie launched herself tighter into Meredith's arms as she started crying

Meredith held her daughter as close as she could, she was super emotional as she knew there was a chance she could die, she just had a stoma placed and a feeding tube installed after getting a life threatening diagnosis

"You can't die mommy, you can't leave me! I don't want you to leave, I don't wanna live with dad!" Maddie kept crying

"Monkey, that won't happen, okay? I'll fight as hard as I possibly can, I won't leave you." Meredith told her daughter, some tears kept falling down her cheeks

"Please don't leave me, mommy!" Maddie whimpered

"I won't. I love you so much, you're my baby girl." Meredith soothed her daughter softly